Thread by @QuinnyPig

And we're ready for @aselipsky's Wild Ride, better known as his #reinvent keynote...

He takes the stage like a corporate rockstar. SIR IT IS WAY TOO EARLY

NASDAQ is moving trading systems to @awscloud. "When the cloud is down, so are the markets" is now ambiguous.

Talks about how they're not slowing down due to the recession.

Maybe true, but Amazon is going to have a much harder time listening to customers given the massive layoffs in the Alexa / Echo division...

"Hi, it's @aselipsky here with your last month's @awscloud bill, can you buzz me into your office please?"

Mentions that Pinterest stores an exabyte of data in S3. That makes the second company that I *know* for certain crosses that boundary.

It's an astronomical amount of data. I don't think we as humans can conceptualize it...

Databases to the left of me, databases to the right of me...

NEW: OpenSearch Serverless in preview

"Tens of thousands of customers use ML!"

Last night they mentioned that over a million customers use Lambda, so if only a single digit percentage of those use Machine Learning®, why does @awscloud bang on so incessantly about it? 🤔

It was not lost on several of us that the first customer speaker talked a lot about the environment but also mentioned blockchain. #reinvent

It is a huge keynote-worthy announcement that two @awscloud service teams were permitted to speak to one another. In preview.

Redshift now integrates with Apache Spark.

Does @aselipsky singing its praises count as a...

Spark plug?

NEW: Hiiiiiiighway to the DataZone...

#reinvent

QuickSight now supports printable reports, meaning that @aselipsky is now the purveyor of the world's most incredibly overwrought and expensive fax machine.

Please square this with "sustainability" for me.

"Take a note; next year let's not have a dedicated #reinvent seating section for @awscloud employees."

https://twitter.com/14813827/status/1597639928489263110

I don't know why customers are confused by @awscloud security offerings...

Amazon struggles with empathy. @aselipsky just spent a solid three full minutes talking about undersea exploration. It wasn't clear where he was going with it until he equated it to cloud security; it turns out he was torturing a poor metaphor to death. 🙁

NEW: Security Lake. Security data at petabyte scale.

Oh dear.

I am not kidding. @aselipsky is now talking about Siberian ponies vs. dogsled teams.

"After the ponies perished," was an actual line he used.

Please please please let this be a tortured analogy that leads directly to an update to @awscloud Glue.

A content warning about the animal death would not have been unwelcome.

It sounds like the ponies must have suffered almost as the audience is at the moment. BECAUSE HE STILL HAS NOT SAID WHERE THIS IS GOING. #reinvent

Now he's extended the analogy to F1 racing and I'm sniffing the air for the smell of burning toast. #reinvent

Now he's talking about Fortnite and I'm dialing 911 out of an abundance of caution. #reinvent

There are now over 600+ instance types (many of which are *NOT* supported by Compute Optimizer) which makes instance rightsizing a neverending task. Enjoy that undifferentiated heavy listing, customers! #reinvent

I want an apology for that many instance options.

Now we're back to talking about Machine Learning®. I'm growing relatively annoyed at the constant overhyping of this market segment in which @awscloud is notably behind its competition, and am starting to take the gloves off as a result.

I'd rather hear more about bizarre comparisons between animal longevity / crossbreeding than what feels like an awful lot of filler designed to eat up time...

At least those are entertaining. BIZARRE. But entertaining.

Perhaps less time could be spent on these diversions and more spent on proofreading very high-profile slides for embarrassing typos in service names. #reinvent

FSx for "OpenZSF" you say?

Most factories make products.

NEW: SimSpace Weaver, making @awscloud the spider in this analogy. Massive spatial simulation.

Okay, thank you. A #reinvent keynote service launch, even if it's "not for me."

OH MY GOD. @aselipsky just spent (no joke) 5-7 minutes talking about the power of imagination. Animated well produced video on it. It's clearly building to something huge, what is it what is it what is it...

It's talking about Amazon Connect, the @awscloud contact center thing.

It pains me to say this, but I'm struggling to view any angle from which this keynote has been something other than a giant disappointing waste of everyone's time. #reinvent

Okay, the launch of AWS Supply Chain. FINALLY!

Yes, the name is unfortunate given the previous 7 minutes talking about "the power of imagination."

Yes, a giant supply chain concern for many companies is "Amazon Themselves."

But at least it's a bona fide service launch.

I firmly believe with full faith that @awscloud is a good steward of customer data and won't misuse it.

But I also think that anyone who thinks that "I'll give my supply chain data to Amazon" might be a risk is absolutely raising a terrific question.

I am really struggling to imagine a retailer, any retailer, to whom I could suggest this service and not worry about being ejected from the conversation as a result.

Another service! AWS Clean Rooms.

Companies can collaborate on data without sharing the data. The example given is Advertising.

Oh dear.

NEW: Amazon Omics, which will probably be the last time I ever put a space in Amazonomics. #reinvent

"Hey Corey, how come you don't use @awscloud's Machine Learning® services for your video transcriptions?"

And we're done.

To say I'm disappointed by this keynote is a significant understatement.

I thought the typo on the slide mid-session was a wonderful callback to the first #reInvent keynote.

I have cancelled today's planned @awscloud #reinvent Keynote Rebuttal. Quite simply and honestly: there's nothing I can say about today's keynote that keeps the criticism light-hearted enough, and I'm not here to hurt people's feelings.

More to come later in the week...