I am left to feel like I am not enough & that I am not worth it.

What a sad thought to think for someone who has been fighting the system and is passionate about research. Let me tell you one.....(1/n)
such a story that I have been in silence for about a few months but no more! I worked previously, around a few months ago in an in-person lab full-time. I was doing an independent study and was at a point of looking to start data collection. This lab btw isn't inclusive...(2/n)
in terms of its infrastructure. I was still somehow coping up with it with the help of my dear lab members but how long could i ignore the pain i got from the staircase that i am not supposed to use? By the 9th month of my time at the lab.. (3/n)
My health started deteriorating. I wasn't able to travel 2 hours from home to lab each day for full-time in a lab that paid VERY VERY low for a full-time job and quite honestly at that time didn't provide the best of space for mentorship either..(4/n)
But I stayed there in silence due to the lack of opportunities in India. I can't afford to travel to other cities for unpaid opportunities. I requested my supervisor for a hybrid mode so i can rest and work on a laptop at my pace at my home and cater to any emergency needs..(5/n)
But they rejected it. And I would never forget the reason my supervisor said to me. They said "it will be unfair to the other employees". Their policies aren't inclusive of disabled students. I was the first in their lab and they had no space for me and felt it would be..(6/n)
"unfair" to the able-bodies :) I decided to leave such places immediately because it's a huge red flag! I started to slowly make peace with my decision because I knew it was right! But things got worse a few weeks ago. I got to know some new information that only hurt me...(7/n)
I was told someone in the lab asked for a hybrid mode in the lab and was granted immediately. I want to note that this member in the lab doesn't identify as a disabled person..I also want to note the lab could have allowed this because they were afraid to "lose" people..(8/n)
in the lab... But does that change what they did?? This member wrote a bold email to them about their departure and when asked hybrid was granted for whatever reason that is. How is this fair? As a disabled student this is the second time this is happening to me and it felt...9/n
like i was yet again not enough and not worth it! I have had multiple panic attacks since then. Sadly, I can't name the lab because my LOR is still with them and hasn't replied to me. I hope other labs in India aren't like this...
This is horrible.. Please be inclusive..10/n
My disabilities have nothing to do with my work ethics. I am a hard-working person that has had to fight the system that rejects me and doesn't accommodate my needs. I am always left feeling like i am a burden or feel guilty when i can't work at the pace that abel-bodies can.11/n
I just thought it was important to talk about this. I am not gonna stop fighting and i will stand here loud and clear i am proud of being a disabled person and hope that i can create more representation of this in academia because it's important and we need to be heard...12/n
If you are a PI in an Indian lab or anywhere around the world reading this. Please look into making things accessible for your disabled students. Please hear them out. It's sad enough the country doesn't, it's worse if labs don't. And if you are a member of a lab that isn't..13/n
inclusive...please VOICE OUT! Talk about unfair opportunities if you see one happening to disabled students. I shouldn't have to be left feeling like i am worthless for an illness i didn't sign up for yet have to fight hard each day. 14/14

Burntout disabled student!!
Tagging the community and allies to RT because lived experiences and such experiences in academia matter and need to be heard!!

@DisabledStem @DARN_disability @DisabledInPsych @DisInHigherEd #DisabilityTwitter #disabilityinclusion
#inclusivitymatters #DisabledPeople

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