Thread by @Theholisticpsyc

Let's talk about social anxiety disorder.

So many people not at ease with people, need to drink in order to socialize, or fears what people are thinking of them.

HERE'S WHY... (A THREAD 🧵):

The environment we are raised within shapes our brain and our nervous system.

If we are raised in a home where:
- we witness dysfunctional relationships
- we're shamed
- our emotions are ignored (emotional neglect)
- there's chaos (lack of safety)
- we are forced to take on adult responsibility

Our nervous system detects danger around people, as adults.

In order to feel safe with people we need to have learned (during our developmental years) that: people will help us, people will understand us, and we can trust people.

Many of us didn't experience this, so our nervous systems are hypervigilant in social situations.

Specifically, social situations where: there's new people, we're out of our comfort zone (ie- at someone else's home), we don't know what to expect.

Hypervigilance is when our nervous system is in a state of fight or flight and is focused on survival strategies.

Hypervigilance in social settings looks like:
- sweaty palms, racing heart
- feeling the need to drink (to soothe the nervous system)
- a hyper-focus on what people are thinking about us

- replaying conversations over and over again ("did I say something stupid?" and other self-shaming behaviors)
- beliefs or fears that you're unliked or no one wants you there

Many people have learned to mask their social anxiety and appear to be social or at ease, but internally they second guess everything they say.

Or, feel self doubt during the entire experience.

The use of alcohol at social settings helps many people to numb or dull the nervous system.

And, it helps to slow down the racing thoughts that come from a hypervigilant nervous system.

Our thoughts can be intense specifically if we grew up in situations where we were shamed or punished for expressing ourselves as a child:

Example:
- a parent figure mocked or made fun of us when we were playing "don't be gay!" "boys don't wear that" "girls need to do x"

- we grew up in a home with alcoholism or substance use where a parent was inconsistent or unpredictable

- we were regularly bullied for aspect of who we were (small, short, a specific race, etc.)

- we were given the silent treatment if we did something "wrong" or "bad"

- we had a highly reactive parent who could not regulate their emotions (rage cycles, etc)

It helps to think of social anxiety, not as disorder, but as a survival response.

It makes perfect sense that we would want to protect ourselves, especially if expressing ourselves would bring on shame, criticism, or punishment.

It makes sense that we would fear new people if we never had predictable and reliable relational safety.

It makes sense that we would not trust people, or believe people would betray us-- if that's all we've known in our past.

It makes sense that we would use alcohol as a form of escapism from the chaos of emotions within us

It makes sense that unstructured social situations would be highly triggering because we grew up in an unstructured homes where we felt helpless, regularly

It makes sense that we would second guess everything we say because our words were used against us.

Healing social anxiety begins with awareness of why we experience it.

And, with learning to be compassionate to ourselves as we learn to trust ourselves and other people.

Mostly, through understanding that our self perception ("no one likes me") is a response to our past.

It can also help to talk about it with people you love and trust. They can reassure you, and support you as you heal.

If you found this helpful follow: @Theholisticpsyc

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