OFF TOPIC
With just two episodes remaining in #WhiteLotus, it’s time to rank the characters by how likely they are to die.
(Remember, E1 began with dead bodies, plural, floating in the water).
NOTE: Mild spoilers follow.
With just two episodes remaining in #WhiteLotus, it’s time to rank the characters by how likely they are to die.
(Remember, E1 began with dead bodies, plural, floating in the water).
NOTE: Mild spoilers follow.
100% SAFE
17/ Daphne
Cameron’s wife, & Sicily’s favorite Airbnb villa renter, finds the body. We know for sure she makes it out alive.
16/ Valentina
Feeder of feral kittens & buyer of star broaches is marked safe.
15/ Rocco & Isabella
How do you say “I ship this” in Italian?
17/ Daphne
Cameron’s wife, & Sicily’s favorite Airbnb villa renter, finds the body. We know for sure she makes it out alive.
16/ Valentina
Feeder of feral kittens & buyer of star broaches is marked safe.
15/ Rocco & Isabella
How do you say “I ship this” in Italian?
14/ Mia
No one shoots the piano player, even if she DID get busy in a deconsecrated chapel.
13/ Portia
No fucks to give, and no way in hell anything bad happens to her.
No one shoots the piano player, even if she DID get busy in a deconsecrated chapel.
13/ Portia
No fucks to give, and no way in hell anything bad happens to her.
PROBABLY OK
12/ Giuseppe
The lecherous piano player has already had his humiliation.
11/ Tonya
Whatever witchy curse the spa lady may have put on her, and whatever dread tarot cards she drew, there’s gonna be a third season, yeah? The Seychelles, maybe? Or Bali?
12/ Giuseppe
The lecherous piano player has already had his humiliation.
11/ Tonya
Whatever witchy curse the spa lady may have put on her, and whatever dread tarot cards she drew, there’s gonna be a third season, yeah? The Seychelles, maybe? Or Bali?
10/ Dominic
An obvious choice for oblivion, given his misery, but the more poetical punishment for Christophuh is to be spared.
9/ Cameron
Tom Buchanan never dies.
An obvious choice for oblivion, given his misery, but the more poetical punishment for Christophuh is to be spared.
9/ Cameron
Tom Buchanan never dies.
HANGING IN THE BALANCE
8/ Bert
Will the concussed old man buy the farm? I have no idea, but it will be a wonderful surprise.
8/ Bert
Will the concussed old man buy the farm? I have no idea, but it will be a wonderful surprise.
7/ Harper
With the recurring local myth of the jilted woman who beheads her lover, and the shots of all those statues of severed heads, it seems more likely that Harper will snap and kill someone than be a victim.
With the recurring local myth of the jilted woman who beheads her lover, and the shots of all those statues of severed heads, it seems more likely that Harper will snap and kill someone than be a victim.
PROBABLY GONERS
6/ Greg
Tonya’s fourth husband gets his gaslighting ass back to Sicily just in time to get wacked?
5/ Jack
Hot tatted Cockney guy is like Holly Martins in “The Third Man:” born to be murdered.
6/ Greg
Tonya’s fourth husband gets his gaslighting ass back to Sicily just in time to get wacked?
5/ Jack
Hot tatted Cockney guy is like Holly Martins in “The Third Man:” born to be murdered.
4/ Ethan
Ah, but all that money HAS changed him. And he might not live long enough to enjoy it (or have Cameron’s shark finance bros invest it for him). The condom may not have been his, but we still don’t know what he got up to that night. The piper must be paid.
Ah, but all that money HAS changed him. And he might not live long enough to enjoy it (or have Cameron’s shark finance bros invest it for him). The condom may not have been his, but we still don’t know what he got up to that night. The piper must be paid.
CLEARLY DOOMED
3/ Quentin
What better way to out-scandalize your father than to meet a violent end in your decadent Sicilian villa?
2/ Lucia
“We’re going to be punished,” she says, displaying her gift for prophesy.
3/ Quentin
What better way to out-scandalize your father than to meet a violent end in your decadent Sicilian villa?
2/ Lucia
“We’re going to be punished,” she says, displaying her gift for prophesy.
1/ Albie
So compassionate he can’t even watch The Godfather without feeling guilty about its patriarchal undertones, he’s mixed himself up in an underworld he doesn’t understand and thus underestimates. The sacrifice of the innocents.
He should have stayed home with his mother.
So compassionate he can’t even watch The Godfather without feeling guilty about its patriarchal undertones, he’s mixed himself up in an underworld he doesn’t understand and thus underestimates. The sacrifice of the innocents.
He should have stayed home with his mother.
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