EMOTIONAL INCEST: A THREAD🧵(retweet so your cousins, uncles, nieces, aunties and unborn kids can see)
Trigger warning: you may want to fight me by the end of this but I am just the messenger speaking on a very important message! ✨✨✨✨✨
So out the gate let’s just a few things STRAIGHT ‼️
Your oldest child is not your built in babysitter!!!
Your son is not your surrogate PARTNER.
Your kids are not your therapists —- there are many situations where kids should STAY IN A CHILDS PLACE- & discussing bills & finances is one of those places.
Your child should not feel pressured to help you figure out how to keep your damn lights on! Your child should not be taking care of YOUR DAMN KIDS because you wanna go out & be an ADULT.
Your kids should not be “teaching you HOW TO LOVE” they are YOUR KIDS—- YOU are the one who is supposed to GUIDE THEM.
No matter their age —— it’s not a child’s responsibility to reach out to their parents!!
It’s a difference between teaching your kids how to be responsible & forcing your responsibilities on them.
Your ten year old should not be frying chicken. Your kids are not your maids! They should be doing chores applicable for their age range.
And quiet as it’s kept this is the reason why a lot of parents ignore when their kids tell them somebody touched them! You see your child as an adult over there with your real grown ahh calling a child FAST/MANNISH!!!!!! Where you think they get it from?????????
Kids learn all their behaviors from THEIR PARENTS & the people their parents allow AROUND THEM. No it’s not just the media!
Now let’s get into what emotional incest REALLY IS — cuz there are a few parts.
Emotional incest: when a parent turns to their child for the emotional intimacy and responsibilities a romantic partner should provide.
Enmeshment: nonexistent boundaries within a family dynamic
PARENTIFICATION: emotional parentification or when a child is FORCED to take on the emotional burden of that of a parent or caregiver
Emotional incest is connected to both child abuse and NEGLECT. A parent lacks their own SUPPORT SYSTEM so they put that responsibility on their CHILD(ren).
What does it look like???? Well I’m glad you asked.
But first have you retweeted this thread yet? Don’t hog the knowledge!!
Lemme go get a mimosa, Chile.
& y’all might wanna get one too (& no I’m not encouraging drinking as a coping skill it’s just 5’o clock somewhere) 😃🙃.
So what are the SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL INCEST? I hear you — you’re like “how will I knowwwwwww?”
1. EXPECTING COMPLIMENTS/PRAISE FROM YOUR CHILD ——- your self-esteem is not your child’s responsibility
2. SHARING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ADULT DECISIONS SUCH AS FINANCES, EMPLOYMENT OR WHERE TO LIVE—— kids should not be helping you make decisions like this
3. SHOWING JEALOUSY WHEN YOUR CHILD SPENDS TIME AWAY FROM YOU— get your own friends/support system
4. REQUIRING ALONE TIME WITH YOUR KIDS WHILE DISCOURAGING THEIR FRIENDSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS— let them figure out how people are on their own! Your biases are getting in the way!!
5. TELLING THEM DEEP SECRETS OR INTIMATE INFORMATION
6. CRYING & EXPECTING YOUR CHILD TO COMFORT YOU— comforting YOU is not their JOB‼️
7. INVADING YOUR CHILDS PRIVACY‼️ kids have boundaries that need to be respected TOO!
8. SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILD WHILE YOU ARE NUDE — UNACCEPTABLE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
9. TALKING ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH YOUR KIDS 🤮🤮
10. PUTTING YOUR NEEDS BEFORE YOUR CHILD’S‼️
11. USING THE CHILD LIKE A LOVE-LIFE PARTNER: taking the child on dates
12. BEING ENVIOUS OF YOUR CHILD’S ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: competing for attention, intruding on their relationship, attempting to sabotage their romantic relationships
If you’ve experienced emotional incest, you may: have a love-hate relationship with your parent, feel inadequate & unworthy, difficulty forming lasting intimate relationships, have feelings of abandonment towards the other caregiver that left
If you’ve experienced emotional incest, you may: have difficulty identifying and fulfilling personal needs because you’re used to caring for others, have sexual dysfunction or sex addiction, compulsive behavior or other addictions
If you’ve experienced emotional incest, you may: ignore your own needs in favor of your parents needs, feel responsible for the emotions of others, engage in people-pleasing behaviors and have trouble saying no
You may also have trouble establishing your own identity, difficulty separating from your parents in adulthood, have trouble with vulnerability in adult relationships and disconnection from your own needs.
HOW TO HEAL???? 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR PARENTS! I promise you won’t get in trouble. You are an adult now and it is okay.
Curate a system of support with healthy relationships! Learn what healthy looks like cuz this thread is not it!
SEEK THERAPY‼️‼️ (but I only accept Texas clients and I’m booked into the new year 😎) ✨
You are NOT a servant and you should have had the opportunity to be a child. I AM SO SORRY you had to grow up so fast. That level of responsibility should not have had to be placed on you. 🥺💜
Disclaimer: I AM a licensed professional counselor & this is not therapy nor is it a confidential platform. This does not mean you have a diagnosis! Please seek assistance from a licensed mental health professional.
As PROMISED: my very important announcement. Starting NOW I am open for all services beginning JANUARY 2023. Please email for all inquiries.
Did this thread help you learn more about emotional incest? #ThreadTherapist
Inbox me if you have more questions! I will address them anonymously on the TL
If you’ve made it to the end of this thread — you are probably triggered. That’s okay. Your parents didn’t know possibly and you didn’t either. It doesn’t mean you are bad & it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You just didn’t have the information. But NOW after knowing the information
It is up to YOU— to be the change in your legacy. To do different and raise your kids better. This is not a thread of opinions. This is an actual researched phenomenon described as abuse and neglect. It can be hard coming to terms with the fact that
you might have been abused/your parents didn’t have all of the answers. Please don’t project that onto others. Please sit with this feeling and discuss it with someone you trust.
And respectfully if you are mad—- pls go dig up the person who came up with it & be disrespectful to him! I’m just the messenger babyyyyyy ✨✨
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
