This isn’t a rhetorical question. I don’t know if John Hays was at the “family meeting.” I just know about people @ChurchRez kicked out or tried to kick out, and why.
And I’m curious if a registered sex offender was welcome where survivor advocates and a victim’s mother weren’t.
Which reminds me of how in 2019 @cherinmarie2 and her family were asked to attend a different @ChurchRez service because their presence made someone uncomfortable.
How do abuse survivors and advocates make Rez unsafe, but sexual predators like John Hays and Chris Lapeyre don’t?
Men who sexually violated children and teenagers are quietly assigned chaperones.
No chaperones for victims, victims’ parents, or the abuse survivor with incurable cancer who publicly lamented @ChurchRez failing other survivors.
In light of @ACNAtoo revealing that a convicted child molester has been attending @ChurchRez for three years, people are asking hard questions about church restoration plans for abusers.
The best plan I’ve seen so far, written by @DianeLangberg, is linked in the tweet below.
Spoiler: Dr. Langberg says the answer is not to have the abuser attend church, but to bring church to the abuser. As she illustrates in the article, this is hard work. But if @ChurchRez is serious about ministering to people like John Hays, then they need to put in the work.
I’m not an expert in the rehabilitation of sexual abusers. I *am* an expert in being abused and gaslit by a man who weaponizes fake repentance to manipulate people. And there are a lot more like him. I’ve talked to many of their survivors. Abuse patterns are highly repetitive.
I say this because I’ve spoken with countless survivors, and with mental health professionals and other abuse experts, and not only does Mark check a whole lot of boxes for sociopathic behavior, but people who serially abuse multiple victims the way Mark did rarely change.
Worse than that, they often make a show of repentance and deceive people into thinking they’ve changed. So I will never trust Mark again, and I am terrified to think of a community ever trusting him. He is a liar, a serial rapist, and a thoroughly evil, calculating abuser.
“How can you compare ACNA leadership to a serial sexual predator?!”
Because it was not the sexual assaults, per se, that nearly destroyed my soul.
It was the pervasive co-optation of my reality.
The theft of my lived experience.
The erasure of my humanity.
These are the parts of the abuse that institutions replicate when they tell survivors that we don’t know what we need, they know better, stay quiet, play nice.
When they say we consented, we’re equal partners with them, they love us and just want what’s best for us.
I still don’t know of a single person Mark had consensual extramarital sex with. Just victims where he had or created a power differential. In my case, by raping me then spinning lies while I was frozen in shock. He used my shock, outsider status, past trauma, etc. to control me.
Mark’s friend and (as Mark portrayed it to me) “accountability partner” Chris also expended massive amounts of time and energy grooming his victims proportionate to his physicalized sexual abuse of them.
The boyfriend who called me frigid and suggested that I owed him sexual favors considering all the nice things he did for me in the day-to-day.
The boyfriend who unilaterally decided to play out his porn fantasies in bed and laughed after doing something humiliating to me.
The close male friends who pressured me for more than friendship, who projected their sexual desire onto me and refused to believe I didn’t reciprocate, until I doubted my own reality and gave in.
The ones who used drugs and alcohol to wear down my resistance.