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Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
@transwidows
Dec 3, 2022 • 10 tweets • 2 min read • Read on X
For some time we have been predicting that when our exes begin to detransition it will result in just another round of attention and sympathy causing further silencing of #transwidows
theblaze.com/news/former-tr…
100% the usual AGP story, tried on sisters clothes in adolescence, got married, had kids, successful career, late transitioner yada yada yada
profilesinpride.com/kristin-beck-c…
If detransitioners are serious about atoning for the damage they have done to themselves and others,they need to have a long and serious period of reflection and learning. Swapping the affirmation of one side of the debate for the other does nobody any favours. Least of all us.
And we as a movement need to help this by being circumspect in our treatment of detransitioners and not acting like the love bombing cult that they claim to have left.
We would also do well to remember the binge and purge cycle that all wives of cross dressers are familiar with, and consider that if (when) this carries over in to “detransition”, their detransitioning is likely to at best, fluctuate.
So put the fatted calf away please.
Misogyny is still misogyny, fetishes are still fetishes, narcissism is still narcissism and none of these are magically cured in five minutes.
This is why, at Trans Widows Voices we have to hold the line, and take a position that people on “our side” have already called “harsh” and “cruel”.If we laud one detransitioner as not like the other boys, we dismiss validity of the stories of the women and children in their past
Many people have slowly realised that we were right when we told them that their platforming and lauding of so called “reasonable transexual allies” excluded women, and sure enough those allies proceeded to gradually show us exactly who they are.
For the love of the goddess let’s not make the same mistake twice.
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More from @transwidows

Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
May 13
I was told in 2019 in a private conversation with a very prominent PhD gender critical feminist that platforming Hayton was a way to have a political strategy that was acceptable to the left.
I was told by a woman who is part of the organising Committee for one of the original
GC feminist groups that yes, hypothetically they would platform my ex if the situation required it and his leftie political credentials were acceptable.
These conversation described above, may be shocking coming, as they did, from feminists but they were at least honest. They admitted although didn’t quite articulate it, that putting our exes before us (transwidows) was deliberate strategy.
Read 13 tweets
Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
Feb 13
🧵Trans widows don't have much time, its in the nature of our position to be working single parents, so I resent the recent rush of men who seem to feel they've a claim on my time all of a sudden because they've finally caught up with something we've been talking about for years.
As I've been tagged in this I will give it half an hour of my very valuable time in cased anyone is under the illusion that TWV was consulted in this article or cooperated with it- we were not.
Nothing is of less interest to us than navel gazing over why our perpetrators do what they do. The battle to keep the conversation even 50% about us often seems completely hopeless.I'm confused why a network for survivors is tagged in an article about perpetraors but here we are
Read 13 tweets
Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
Jun 11, 2023
Preferred pronouns should not be used by feminists as a reward for perceived moderation. Doing so says to #transwidows “we disagree with genderism over all, but we’ll call *your* ex a woman if he acts nicely to us”.
And women who are able to tweet under their real name (often because they are making a living from this so it’s in their interests to do so), should not look down on those of us who have to be anonymous here, for our own safety/ livelihood
Because then this becomes a class issue where those with the financial and physical security to be able to take the risk are seen as automatically superior to those of us who cannot.
Read 6 tweets
Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
Feb 16, 2023
Trans widows know all about disgust, we feel it when our husbands start growing their nails, and shaving their bodies, and wearing secret frilly knickers to work. We try to overcome the disgust at first to keep our families together, but it’s always there.
We’re told we shouldn’t feel disgust, that we’re seeing the real them, who we should love.
Trans widows feel disgust when they’re coerced into sex with husbands dressed in tacky women’s clothes and using strap ons but they’re told not to kink shame and to do it if we love them.
Repeatedly as the situation escalates we’re told to overcome our disgust and that it’s wrong and cruel and unloving for us to feel this entirely involuntary emotion.
Read 5 tweets
Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
Dec 11, 2022
The most notable thing about the article by Jan Morris’s daughter is that anybody’s surprised by the neglect and emotional abuse. Newsflash:it’s still there even if the perpetrator is clever or is one of your social class. We’ve been telling our stories. Why haven’t you listened?
The assumption that a wife or a child who is silent about this, was somehow happy with it, is a convenient way for people to cop out of dealing with what we go through.
And to cop out of confronting the fact that even in their social class, or their profession, or in their political tribe, the abusive dynamics of this remain the same.
Read 8 tweets
Trans Widows’ Voices. Profile picture
Dec 22, 2019
As ever at this time of the year our thoughts turn to the women who still feel trapped in these relationships.
Unable to get out of the insidious drip, drip, drip cycle of compromise and boundary pushing. #transwidows
The women who feel pressured into accepting the unacceptable for fear of what society will think of them if they leave.
The women who stay to keep a lid on the secret which will blow their family apart. Worn down by being the secret keeper.
Read 15 tweets

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