Thread by @bingjiuwus

#liujiu divorce EXTRA PART II: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (IN AGONY)

*

"_No_, Qingge, we're not together."

Shen Jiu's face spasmed with pain and disappointment. "How could you even ask me that?" He turned to walk towards the door and away from Liu Qingge.

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"It's been three years," he said in a quieter voice. "I agreed to talk to you because I thought you'd have more interesting things to say than the silly things you've been throwing at me all night. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I'm sorry!" LQG burst out, unable to see SJ leave just like that. "I fucked up, A'Jiu. Please, just let me - "

SJ stopped walking, but not without shooting him a glare. "First off," he said. "I'm not your A'Jiu anymore. We're not together, Qingge, because you wouldn't trust me

when I told you I wasn't cheating with Binghe - that it was just a shitty move on his part to do that to me, and I had nothing to do with it nor those vultures who took those photos to fuck me over.

Tell me, before then, what had I ever done to make you doubt me? Did I ever _look_ at another man or woman before or after we got together?" He crossed his arms, fingers sinking into his forearms tight. "Before you, I'd never so much as held hands with someone, much less screw

around like you thought I was so clearly capable of."

"I - " Didn't? Could LQG just lie and pretend SJ had been mistaken, that no, actually, his husband hadn't just randomly accused him of cheating because he was fed up with SJ growing distant from him

and feeling like he was no longer first place in his heart? Had SJ _ever_ truly been first place in his, for LQG to have accused him of ruining their marriage so casually like that?

Even as he'd said those words, he hadn't realised just how much resentment he'd held in his own heart - and all of it based on bullshit.

His husband had always, _always_ been there for him. During their university years he was the one who cooked all the expensive groceries LQG bought without care and made sure he lived on a diet of real food and not just energy drinks and protein powder.

When they got together, got married, SJ picked out their neighbourhood, picked out their furnishings and got eveything settled in so LQG never had to do anything but walk into their place and be greeted and fed.

SJ was the one who picked up calls from LQG's colleagues and family on his behalf and set up reminders so he knew when to go somewhere and when, he was the one who cleaned his uniforms and practice clothes and polished his medals -

- and he was the one who, during their rare date nights out, would stand politely to the side as LQG took photos and autographs with eager fans, always murmuring at him not to roll his eyes when the lines got too long, and to let everyone have their turn,

whether it be a ten-year-old running hopeful or a middle-aged businessman who had seen his own athletic days gone by.

What had LQG done in comparison? What had he ever done to truly support his husband beyond cutting a few checks a year and buying their wedding rings?

Nothing worth remembering. Nothing that came to mind.

"You're right," LQG said. SJ inhaled sharply, and he knew he had to keep going when he saw his husband bite his lip. "I fucked up. I was frustrated.

I thought you were drifting away from me because you wouldn't - couldn't, I know - visit me during competitions and you were always so stiff and quiet when we visited my family. I thought you were just being difficult because you'd gotten bored of me -

because I'd lost my luster in your eyes and you didn't care about me anymore."

"Fucking hell, Qingge!" SJ exploded. "How vapid and shallow did you think I actually was if _that_ was your logic? Did you think I'd stayed with you for all those years

because I was actually a starfucker inside, because I actually wanted your money and was pretending to be cheap for fun? Did you think I was just jerking you around and got _bored_?"

"No!" LQG burst out. "No, I was a moron and an asshole. I wanted you to pay attention to me

but I didn't understand why you were upset to begin with. I - " He swallowed. "I'd never paid attention to _you_," he said. "Not in the way that mattered. I didn't understand why you worked so hard at your own job, why you never wanted my family to help us. I didn't understand

how much it hurt you when I kept putting off things we were supposed to do together for work or family or anything else. I never made anyone in my life accept they weren't important enough for me to make time for them as much as you did, and you were my _husband_.

Of course I - " His voice was starting to break up. "Of course I fucked up. Of course I could only think about myself and why you weren't all over me like you - like I thought it was normal for you to be. When I saw those photos, I couldn't think straight. I was already so pentup

and frustrated, and seeing you in the arms of that asshole - I know it wasn't your fault, I know - made me see red. And then I did that to you. I'm so sorry, A'Jiu. I ruined your life, and all for nothing."

SJ stared at him with teary eyes, silent all this while but biting his lip so hard it had drawn blood. He didn't seem to notice, either.

"Congratulations," he finally muttered in a low voice, unable to look at LQG. "So you finally get it."

"Yeah." LQG smiled, even through the sting in his own eyes. "Yeah, I get it."

SJ pressed his lips light, blinking away the tears. "It - it doesn't change anything, now," he said. "I still got fired, still had to sell our old place for peace of mind.

Still have to worry whenever I go out by myself if someone's going to call me a golddigger who's trying to get into Binghe's pants, or Hualing's for a change." He glared at LQG. "Speaking of Binghe. I don't - as much as I was mad at him for doing _that_ to me then,

he still reached out to help me after. If not for him, I don't know where I'd be or _where_ I'd be working at..."

"He still wants you?" LQG somehow found the gall to say.

"People want a lot of things," SJ said. "It doesn't matter, does it? He's never done anything tome since,

and he's a good friend despite all that. Believe me." His voice softened. "Or don't, I guess. It doesn't really matter if you do."

He licked his lip at last and looked surprised, then resigned to taste the blood on his tongue.

"I guess our time's up," he said hoarsely. "Thanks for... admitting all that, Qingge. I guess my night hasn't been totally wasted." He smiled ruefully. "My therapist is going to be delighted, believe me."

The right thing, objectively speaking, was to let him walk past LQG and never interfere with his life again. But his husband still looked so _sad_, with redness at the corner of his eyes and his mouth swollen and red.

(All LQG had ever done, in the end, was hurt SJ. What gave him the right to think he deserved a chance to make it right?)

Still...

"A'Jiu," he said.

"I told you." SJ shot him a cold look. "I'm not your A'Jiu anymore."

"You're not," LQG said. "You're brilliant and clever and beautiful - and kind. You've always been kind, even if you wield your tongue like a whip because you don't want people to get close to you."

"Not listening to this," SJ muttered, and started walking.

"You saved me," LQG said, and made him freeze mid-step. "You've always said it the other way around, but you saved _me," he repeated. "For everything I've been born with I've always been a dumb clod with a single-track mind who can barely take care of myself outside of work.

I never knew about anything until you came into my life, never knew there was a world outside my head. Being with you opened another universe in my eyes, and I'm sorry I ruined it because I didn't understand you, never tried to understand you."

He might never see SJ after this. "You know, I always thought love was easy," LQG said wryly. "Hating you when we met was easy, then sympathising with you when I found out how hard you worked was easy. Saving you was easy too, and falling in love with you afterward was easy too.

Our whole marriage was easy too, but I thought it was just because we were in love and not because you were the one working to make it easy for me. I'm sorry I couldn't make it easy for you to love me as much as you did for me."

SJ wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "Every relationship involves sacrifices," he said hoarsely. "I never cared about giving up what I had to for your sake. I just wanted you to be on the same page - that no matter what, you were on my side too.

That you knew what I was doing for you and you appreciated it too, and I wasn't just feeling sorry for myself..."

"I appreciate it," LQG said. "I do."

SJ laughed, broken and low. "What a stupid conversation," he sniffled. "If only we'd talked like this three years ago.

If only you'd let me know what I actually meant to you _before_ you broke my heart and made me think I was worthless."

LQG was about to say "I fucked up" a fourth time before realising he'd made his point. "I was a dumb, asshole three years ago," he said bluntly, making SJ laugh even with tears in his eyes. "I'm still an asshole, but just a little less dumb now."

"Just a little," SJ whispered.

"Yeah," LQG exhaled. "For all my good grades, I couldn't even cook instant noodles before you showed me how..."

"Oh my god, bragging about yourself even now." SJ cleared his throat, rubbing his eyes to recompose himself.

"Look," LQG said. "I know I don't have the right to demand anything from you. You could punch me in the face right now and I'd be grateful you got it out of your system."

"As if a single punch would be enough for what you put me through," SJ muttered.

"But," LQG said, knowing he was treading on dangerous waters. "If there was a chance - a ghost of a chance - of us ever seeing each other again, of just _talking_, would you think about it? Would you be open to letting this not-as-dumb asshole have a coffee with you sometime?

If you were free, of course," he added in a rush. "I'd be free whenever."

"Qingge..." SJ sobered up. "Be honest. What would even be the point of something like that? You broke my heart. Those paparazzi ruined my life and you let it happen.

Have you thought about me not forgiving you, about me hating you? Could you handle knowing _that_ at the end of the day? Could you?"

"Yes," LQG said. "I can."

"Stupid," his husband mumbled. "You're so stupid. Qingge, I..."

CHOOSE 1 FOR THE NO-ROMANCE SHEN JIU CUTS TIES FOR LIFE ENDING

CHOSE 2 FOR THE LIUJIU ENDING (SLOW BURN RECONCILIATION OBVIOUSLY C'MON JUST LOOK AT THEM)

(And we're on part II of the liujiu divorce thread extra. For those who thought SJ was TOO magnanimous in the first ending and wanted to kick LQG's ass for real, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO DRAG HIM!

... or for him to treat SJ right the second time around.

Up to you! Start voting!)

(and as a reminder, you'll get both endings, the vote determines which one you get first 😉)

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