Thread by @dgurdasani1

I know lots of people have been asking why I haven't been on social media much. I've been meaning to explain for a while, but wanted a few weeks to myself, before sharing this to brace against the inevitable attacks & harassment that will likely follow from this thread.🧵

Here goes - I recently moved to Western Australia with my family- we had been considering this for a while, as some of you may know. COVID policy was one reason. But there were many many others.

Watching the UK sink to where it is right now has been incredibly painful, including what's happening with UK academia, and scientific leadership. I'd been unhappy living in the UK for a really really long time, and the grief of day to day life had become hard to bear.

Being clinically vulnerable & ill in a country where the health system was collapsing, & society & government seemed to devalue our lives didn't help. I'd felt like an outsider wherever I went for all my life, but never so marginalised & devalued, as I did in the past yr.

I also felt the erosion of democracy & social justice. The erosion of public health services (education, health)- increasing inequalities, the cost of living crisis, a govt that didn't care about the lives of the poorest, increasing transphobia, and racism and minority baiting.

Much of the media has aided this - with very few rising to challenge the current govt that has used the past many years to concentrate power, erode democracy, steal public money, break the law. I could go on, but most living in the UK know all this & are also exhausted by it.

Add my traumatic experiences with UK academia, and the backlash I've had to deal with after taking on Sanger and the Wellcome Trust- two very powerful institutions and the old boys networks that support them.

UK academia is toxic, & I realised this when I was sacked after whistleblowing about unethical use of African samples at the Sanger institute. When I got blackballed across Cambridge - when the Regius at Cambridge blocked my appointment, despite support from the head of dept.

Being an outspoken brown female early career scientist makes you a target and a 'troublemaker'. UK academia is small, and it works through old boys clubs. It's vindictive. They never forgive women who challenge them - because they believe they should be able to act with impunity.

Once you see it, you can't unsee it, and it changes the way you see the world. You see the injustices everywhere- you see that even the systems that are supposed to right them (the legal/judicial systems) are equally flawed & rigged against the least privileged & minorities.

Over time it became clear to me that I was seeing & possibly experiencing a very different world compared to many around me- the discord was dystopian, and very hard to live with. Even people who I respected had normalised an environment that was unsafe for me & my family.

I stayed and fought for a long long time. But in the end, I had to make the best decision for my family - my child. Whose life had become diminished because of the anti-science agenda of govt, and scientists & media who normalised marginalisation of the clinically vulnerable.

I wanted better for her. I wanted her to have a life where she could do whatever she dreamed of. I wanted her to dance, to sing, to feel joy every day - with other children. I wanted her to have a childhood. And grow up in a safe environment.

It wasn't easy. I love the UK- I think of it as home. Although I'm an immigrant, it's the first place that ever felt like home. I learned so much, and bought my first house there. I got married there. I had my daughter there. I have family there. I lived there for 13 years

The grief of watching it change was immense. It wasn't just government- I felt there was also societal change, which was even harder to live with. The normalisation of abelism, racism the lack of concern for others. The endangerment of the less privileged by the most privileged.

The lack of solidarity and allyship, even from people who consider themselves allies. The lack of understanding of intersectional power structures, and how they may mean completely different experiences for different people.

Having a platform here has been great- it's the only place I've really felt I've had a voice. I've been targeted relentlessly, and while many people find the level of harassment shocking - honestly, this is just what many of us experience in academia but more out in the open

Normally, it's threatening conversations behind closed doors, marginalisation in collaborations, being excluded/not promoted. At least here it's out there for everyone to see - the misogyny, the racism, and just the hate against those who challenge mostly privileged white men

I've had more solidarity here, and developed more rewarding relationships than I have in probably a lifetime. It's one of the things that gave me the strength to take the huge step we did, moving to Australia.

I know things aren't necessarily going to be better on the COVID front in terms of policy- but the outdoor life, and weather & just the architecture (better ventilated) makes things a lot easier. And the fact that healthcare isn't decimated. Education is well funded.

Yes, the media is going to have the same issues, and the abelism, and normalisation of 'return to normal' and all of that. But I'm hoping that it'll be a friendlier place where we can live fuller lives.

I'm sorry I wasn't fully transparent about this from the start. Given the targeting I've been at the end of, I thought this would lead to further harassment, including attacks on my family, who have sadly also become targets through all this.

We moved a few weeks ago and are settling in. It's been overwhelming, exciting, but also emotional- processing the grief of leaving a place and people I love. I do miss home. But we had to leave because it stopped feeling like a safe place a while ago.

I'm sorry if people feel let down reading this. I know I'm in a very privileged position to be able to up and leave, and most people can't afford to do this. I will continue to be vocal on twitter when I can (& when mental health allows).

I'm continuing to follow the situation in the UK (and now in Australia as well), and the more I see, the more I feel like we made the right decision - however painful it might have been.