Thread by @ejrosetta

Beware The Handbag Hook-Up

OUAT I went to a gay bar for my birthday & when we found a table, there was a handbag!👜

Hoping to help, we set about trying to reunite it with its owner. We were in luck! Immediately, a trans woman, “Denise”, and her friend came over.

It was hers!🧵

“Thanks for giving it back” said Denise as she sat down, uninvited. “I’ll buy you a drink.”😎

It was a statement, not a question.😥😳👍

My friend seemed ok 🤷‍♀️so I quickly brushed off the looming sense of dread as I was locked in convo with Denise, who quickly became pushy😈🥷🧵

“You’re coming home with me tonight, though” she stated, as I politely kept chatting & smiling

I told her I had a girlfriend (I didn’t) bc ‘No’ wasn’t working. I told her I was there to dance & have fun!😬😅💃

“But you’re coming home with me tonight” Denise kept repeating😨🫣🧵

No excuse, polite or otherwise, would work. My friend suggested we go outside so out we did but it wasn’t long before Denise & her friend appeared.🥷😈

“You’re trouble” She called me, along w/ slippery & other such ‘compliments’ that try to erode boundaries🤨

We moved again.🧵

6 times she caught up with us. 6 times we moved. I was visibly uncomfortable & 1ce or 2ce a stranger came to interrupt, but when they noticed Denise was trans, they hesitated😨

Who wants to be accused of discrimination? I was on my own.

“I know!” I thought, &headed to the loo🧵

I figured I’d wait there until my pursuer forgot about me (not a new trick, am I right ladies?) I was instantly foiled when I heard a low cough in the cubicle next to me.

Yes, those were her shoes under the door. I’d forgotten -this was the ladies room & Denise was a lady too🧵

Why had I forgotten that? It was almost as if I she wasn’t.

I dashed out of the cubicle but Denise was fast. Maybe too fast because her penis was still out.

Then - you know that smile? The one that says “I’m very much enjoying making you so uncomfortable?”

She had that smile🧵

The loos weren’t spacious. She only had to move one step & she was right behind me, blocking the door. I clenched my jaw &looked at the floor, hoping she was just going for the hand-soap

Accidentally or otherwise, her penis touched my leg. Only then was I done with politeness🧵

Bolting out of the loo, grateful she let me past, &ran straight to the bouncer.Maybe I was a bit flustered, maybe I should have spoken slower?

“There’s a woman,she’s not left me alone all night, I hid in the loo, she came in, she had her penis out & then he touched me with it”🧵

I had rushed through the sentence - maybe I was a little scared? - & the bouncer frowned at me. Before I knew it, I was outside. Barred.🥶

🎶Happy Birthday To Me🎶

What had I done? Did you spot my crime? I had said “his penis” at the end. By mistake.

And for that, I was out.🧵

Even though I’d undeniably been S/harassed, even though I was clearly upset, it mattered not to the bouncer. I had to ask for the manager.

She came down & untangled it. I said it had started with a lost handbag👜

“Yep, I know that trick” she said “The Handbag Hook Up. RUOK?”🧵

I was in one piece & Denise had long gone, so I was allowed back in. 🤷‍♀️ I had misgendered her & she had touched me with her penis - The bouncer was happy to call it even.🙏👍

How gracious.🤡🥺🤨

Ready for a plot twist? 😤 I’m almost done I promise.🧵

The next day I got a Facebook request from a “Denis” w/ no sign that he was a woman. Wife and two kids, finance manager, not a single trace of “Denise”

This wasn’t a trans woman. This was a straight man with a lesbian fetish and his wife’s dress on. His own fishnets, though👍🧵

This happens. A lot. A lot more than you’d think.

What upset me most is what a huge insult to the trans community it is when 48 year old men with lesbian fetishes pretend to be Trans then play “Trans at the door, predator on the floor” to get in to Queer bars & harass women.🧵

My story is not unique. I’ve told it only a few times bc I’ve been worried that it could be used against trans people.🤐

To be clear, this wasn’t a trans woman. He was a crossdresser.🤥

Lesbians like me are now wary of standing for trans inclusion bc of men like Denise.🥷😈👀🧵

Ignoring that men use these loopholes to harrass women does a disservice to women AND the trans community🙁

We can’t keep closing our eyes to it.🫣

It’s time for the trans community & lesbians to unite against this✊🤝Or we split and #GetTheLOut 😔

@threadreaderapp Hello magic twitter computer! Unroll, please?

Bc of the response, I’d like to hold a Space on Wed for women to speak & tell their own stories. To be clear - female ‘cis’ women only for this one

Please tell me your own stories by using the hashtag #MenLikeDenise
Or email to
[e-mail]

twitter.com/i/spaces/1YpKk…