Jarvis Profile picture
Dec 20, 2022 8 tweets 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter

*How Twitter Quietly Colluded with Satan, the Prince of Darkness"
2. Despite public statements to the contrary, internal Twitter docs show that high-level executives were in near-constant communication with Satan, or the "Devil," throughout the run-up to the 2020 election.
3. For years, Twitter maintained a comfortable distance between itself and The Great Dragon, Satan. Image
4. In fact, senior executives, including Yoel Roth, were in touch with senior leaders of Hell on an almost daily basis. Image
5. Internal slack discussions revealed that the powers of Heaven also reached out to Twitter, but they didn't receive the same red-carpet treatment as the hoary netherworld. Image
6. Former Twitter employees have confirmed that the inconsistent treatment afforded Jesus and Satan was common knowledge and widely accepted within the company.

"Everyone knew that when Beelzebub said jump, you were supposed to say 'how high?'" one executive told me.
7. "But even if Gabriel himself pointed out something that was obviously a vio, it would escalate to the senior team and then just get batted around for all eternity."
That’s it for now, but follow Comrade Snake who will be releasing on Saturday at 3 am Part 10 of our series: Twitter and the Gremlin Menace.

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More from @jarvis_best

Jun 9

David Wheeler runs a PAC called "American Muckrakers," a low-rent outfit that publishes whatever unverified rumors that comes his way. About a year ago, they made a splash by alleging that Lauren Boebert was a prostitute who had two abortions.
They claimed they had a tip from a source close to Boebert, and then conducted an "exhaustive investigation" to confirm the allegations.

Remember this for later. Image
Boebert quickly and categorically denied the allegations. And despite not being the most popular gal on Twitter, the sense was that the report was bullshit. The escort didn't even look like Boebert . . . like AT ALL. Like not even close. Image
Read 19 tweets
Jun 7
On one of those bullshit planes where you have to go outside and find it.
Not even sure there’s a proper wind screen for the pilot. Looks like there should be a goddam wing-walker babe out there.
This fucking thing is definitely going to crash.
Read 4 tweets
Mar 27
Answering this question in a quote tweet not to dunk, but because other people ask these sorts of questions.

Other accounts can talk about how strength is the foundation of all health and associated with the lowest all cause mortality even when accounting for cardio.
I want to answer the specific question about BACK HEALTH. You absolutely don’t want a hurt back.

As it turns out, a STRONG back is a healthy back. Your back has a lot of big, important muscles. Strength in those muscles is associated with less risk of injury and less pain.
For my own self, I’m a lawyer and have been chained to a desk my entire career. Once a year at our firm retreat, I would get a massage.

The massage was always painful - knots everywhere. I figured this was my lot in life due to the career I chose.
Read 10 tweets
Mar 7
Jesus Christ. Doing the guy's dishes while he plows your wife hahahahaha
Lord almighty. Ben. BEN.
Read 7 tweets
Mar 6
stop making antifa sound cool
They're really struggling with that gate.
Read 4 tweets
Jan 26
This must be a nightmare for researchers because (i) everyone's had covid and (ii) everyone's had the vaccine and (iii) everyone was engaging in heart damaging activities during the pandemic like sitting at home on their ass watching Tiger King instead of powerlifting.
Evidence becomes most persuasive when you have robust controls to differentiate among the tested population and isolate the factor you are trying to study.

But how are controls possible when everyone has covid, almost everyone was vaxxed, and everyone is fat as hell?
So for example, the Nature study compared covid survivors with two populations: (i) people who didn't have covid and (ii) people before covid existed. The problem with the first set is that a lot of people probably had covid and didn't report it, and . . .
Read 7 tweets

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