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Jarvis Profile picture
Jarvis
@jarvis_best
Lawyer, writer, painter, poet, gentleman of culture.
EricStoner Profile picture McFart Profile picture Cheri Stahl Profile picture Potato Of Reason Profile picture Cerina with a Sea 🧚🏼‍♀️ Profile picture 15 subscribed
Apr 21 • 15 tweets • 5 min read
Let's talk about Winnipeg. Winnipeg is ASS. No one from Winnipeg will go to heaven or even be eligible for consideration.

Winnipeg is the greatest city in the "province" (French for "state") of Manitoba, which is sort of like being the smartest guy at Boston College. Not great. Here is the city flag of Winnipeg, which looks like it was designed by a third grader in Ms. Hodgkins' class of slower kids using the Windows Vista version of MS Paint.

I am normally against flag burning but I don't think anyone would miss this. Image
Apr 19 • 12 tweets • 7 min read
LOS ANGELES!

I do not care for Los Angeles. You will NEVER EVER EVER find a city with such a radical combination of huge ego and utter shittiness. Like Detroit sucks but it KNOWS it sucks and there's a refreshing authenticity about it. NOTHING is authentic in LA, where the people are as fake as their own cheek bones.Image
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Image It's next to an ocean, but it has no water. It has all the rich celebrities, but 90% of it is a drug-infested skid row. They legalized crime, yet still manage to kill unarmed black people daily. A CITY OF CONTRASTS!
Mar 30 • 12 tweets • 2 min read
🧵

A lot of people are upset with Biden for declaring Easter to be Trans Day of Visibility, but to be fair, the date of was selected only because the LGBCalendar was already rather full.

The Trans Day of Visibility is March 31. Do not confuse this with the Trans Day of Remembrance, which is November 20. We must also take care to honor Transgender Parent Day (Nov 6) Trans Awareness Week (Nov 13-19) and International Pronoun Day (Oct 20).

Trans is distinct from drag. International Drag Day is July 16.
Mar 14 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
They’re still mad hahahaha As a reminder Jarvis and a 9-0 SCOTUS were correct and Dumbass George Conway - who is a dumbass - and Dumbass J Michael Luttig - who is also a dumbass - were wrong.

But sure let’s just pretend Sonia Sotomayor is MAGA so we don’t have to concede how smart and handsome Jarvis is.
Mar 4 • 16 tweets • 4 min read
Laurence Tribe is a dumbass George Conway is a dumbass
Feb 18 • 6 tweets • 3 min read
Back in April 2023 when Trump was indicted for the first time in the victimless New York false records indictment, I said he was going to get convicted despite the fact that the charge was dumb. The overwhelming majority of my fellow legal commentators disagreed with me, saying mean things to me like “you fat dumbass” and “fat.”

But the reason I stuck to my guns was that once the charge is handed down, there are limited off-ramps to get rid of it no matter how lame it is.

The combination of intensely partisan judges and juries in these districts and the less than ideal attorneys and clients on the Trump side would make it hard to get a good outcome for Trump.Image
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Image Now that Trump is Ofer infinity in court cases in the lib districts, does anyone want to change their mind on this one?
Feb 8 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Damn dude this is madness. I thought Matt was joking, but no -- the Department of Justice actually concluded that Biden was too old and feebleminded to commit a crime.
Image MY.

GOD.
Jan 19 • 8 tweets • 4 min read
Mini-thread: Trump's Supreme Court brief on the Colorado ballot case makes 5 arguments:

1. The president is not an "officer of the United States"
2. Trump did not "engage in insurrection"
3. Section 3 can be enforced only through Congress's chosen methods
4. Section 3 cannot be used to deny President Trump access to the ballot
5. Colorado violated the Electors Clause and the Colorado Election Code Argument 2: Trump did not engage in insurrection.

This is exactly the sort of fact-based argument that SCOTUS likes to avoid. SCOTUS tends to prefer to rule on legal principles as opposed to debatable questions of fact.

I don't think they touch this argument.
Dec 20, 2023 • 12 tweets • 4 min read
I forgot I have an actual job so this will have to be fast. Thread:

There are five judicial opinions out of Colorado on this Trump ballot thing: the trial court opinion, the Supreme Court majority opinion, and three Supreme Court dissenting opinions.

None of the opinions agree with each other (except maybe the dissenting opinions of Chief Justice Boatright and Justice Berkenkotter). The most compelling and - in my view - correct decision was the dissent from Justice Samour.

Justice Samour reached holdings that none of the other four groups did.

He examined the issues with the depth and close examination of the case law that is most like how SCOTUS does it.

I think SCOTUS will reverse the decision of the Colorado Supreme Court, and will largely follow the dissent of Justice Samour. I think the SCOTUS decision will be either 9-0 or 7-2.

When the SCOTUS does so, I will remind of you this tweet and gloat. There will be no dealing with me after that.
Oct 4, 2023 • 33 tweets • 4 min read
10 minutes into that Brad Pitt movie Bullet Train and I want the train to explode. What is happening
Jun 9, 2023 • 19 tweets • 6 min read
QUICK IMPROMPTU THREAD

David Wheeler runs a PAC called "American Muckrakers," a low-rent outfit that publishes whatever unverified rumors that comes his way. About a year ago, they made a splash by alleging that Lauren Boebert was a prostitute who had two abortions. They claimed they had a tip from a source close to Boebert, and then conducted an "exhaustive investigation" to confirm the allegations.

Remember this for later. Image
Jun 7, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
On one of those bullshit planes where you have to go outside and find it. Not even sure there’s a proper wind screen for the pilot. Looks like there should be a goddam wing-walker babe out there.
Mar 27, 2023 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
Answering this question in a quote tweet not to dunk, but because other people ask these sorts of questions.

Other accounts can talk about how strength is the foundation of all health and associated with the lowest all cause mortality even when accounting for cardio. I want to answer the specific question about BACK HEALTH. You absolutely don’t want a hurt back.

As it turns out, a STRONG back is a healthy back. Your back has a lot of big, important muscles. Strength in those muscles is associated with less risk of injury and less pain.
Mar 7, 2023 • 7 tweets • 3 min read
Jesus Christ. Doing the guy's dishes while he plows your wife hahahahaha
Mar 6, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
hahahahahahahahaha stop making antifa sound cool
Jan 26, 2023 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
This must be a nightmare for researchers because (i) everyone's had covid and (ii) everyone's had the vaccine and (iii) everyone was engaging in heart damaging activities during the pandemic like sitting at home on their ass watching Tiger King instead of powerlifting. Evidence becomes most persuasive when you have robust controls to differentiate among the tested population and isolate the factor you are trying to study.

But how are controls possible when everyone has covid, almost everyone was vaxxed, and everyone is fat as hell?
Jan 26, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
SNACK Comrade Snack
Jan 25, 2023 • 7 tweets • 1 min read
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA This all started a few days ago when Avs play-by-play guy Marc Moser was in Vancouver and a seagull snatched his breakfast sandwich right out of his hand hahahahahahahaha
Jan 25, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
why?

how?

and why? getting mixed messages here
Jan 24, 2023 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
CPSC 2024: we are taking a look at barbells and their related paraphernalia. Studies have shown that these products are dangerous, causing muscle fatigue. Also a guy dropped the bar on his neck while benching a died. NYT: No, conservatives. Biden isn't coming for your precious weights.
Dec 20, 2022 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
1. TWITTER FILES PART 9

*How Twitter Quietly Colluded with Satan, the Prince of Darkness" 2. Despite public statements to the contrary, internal Twitter docs show that high-level executives were in near-constant communication with Satan, or the "Devil," throughout the run-up to the 2020 election.