Thread by @bingjiuwus

#liujiu with future bingjiu, yandere LQG AU part III:

Luo Binghe has a secret.

https://twitter.com/bingjiuwus/status/1598126142267207682

For the past three years he's been a disciple on Bai Zhan Peak. His shizun is the great warrior Liu Qingge himself, and it's an honour to learn under him, though that mostly takes place via thrashing once a month.

Binghe's never cared about being beat into the ground.

After a lifetime of scurrying about and worrying about his every meal or his mother's ailing health, life at Bai Zhan Peak is a dream come true. He has a warm bunk and hot food and water every day, he has shixiongs to learn from and shidis to teach himself.

He's going to be an immortal cultivator one day, and rescue fair maidens and slay demons and purge the world of evil. It's as lofty a goal as any, and he's certain one day he'll make his late mother proud.

And well, he has his shiniang.

The shiniang of Bai Zhan is Shen Jiu, a former shixiong of LQG's from Qing Jing who fell in love and married Shizun, even giving up his own future title for the honour of becoming the one and only husband of the War God.

At least that's what Binghe hears from his shixiongs.

Less savoury whispers around Cang Qiong say that LQG married SJ only to preserve his honour after getting the other man with child, which was why the once-prideful Head Disciple of QJ now spent most of his time indoors and no longer associated with his former martial cohort.

Binghe doesn't know about any of that. He only knows that Shiniang, SJ, is a wan and elegant figure who always goes around the Peak with his slow, uneven gait and holding the plump hand of his three-year-old son with Shizun, Liu Yuan.

Yuan'er, as Binghe thinks of him affectionately, is as plump and round a dumpling as his mother is wiry and thin, and the two of them make a darling sight whenever they're spotted on their daily walks around BZ.

Supposedly, before Yuan'er was born and when Liu-xiao shimei from Xian Shu still lived on BZ (Shizun and Shiniang's daughter Yingying, not Shizun's sister Mingyan - _she_ goes by Liu-da shimei) Shiniang was a much more terse and acerbic figure, who never spent any time

with BZ's cultivators and looked down on them.

Whatever the truth of the past is, Binghe has only ever known Shiniang as the figure closest to his mother after her passing.

Of course, he knows they're not the same - A'niang was always gentle and knowing, whereas sometimes Shiniang tries to take care of Binghe and the younger disciples as if he's handling children for the first time. Even through his clumsiness though, Binghe can feel his care.

It's not his fault, of course! Shiniang is from a very wealthy family, so naturally he wouldn't have been expected to fuss over random children easily, not to mention the dreadful qi deviation he had a year or two before Binghe arrived on the Peak, which apparently eviscerated

most of his harsh personality and made him the gentle, if occasionally lost figure he is nowadays.

Binghe's secret is this: he likes Shiniang more than his Shizun, who is brilliant and powerful but aloof, and sometimes looks at him like Binghe is an ant crawling onto his boot.

He doesn't know _why_ when Shizun is curt and to the point with everyone, but he just gets the feeling the man doesn't like him sometimes.

Binghe doesn't know why. Yes, he knows that even though he's unusually gifted for his age, he often enjoys helping Shiniang take care of Yuan'er and feeding the two delicious and nourishing meals, which is maybe more like being a servant than a cultivator, and out of his purview.

But Shiniang is Shizun's husband, so by looking after him and Yuan'er, isn't Binghe just being filial? It's not like he's the only one either - everyone on BZ keeps an eye out for their Shiniang so he doesn't wander off the Peak by mistake or leave Yuan'er on his own.

(Apparently when Liu-xiao shimei was a baby he would often do that, and scare everyone to death.)

And they like him too, he knows. Yuan'er always claps when he sees Binghe and demands he throw him up into the air, even though he's growing quite chubby for a toddler (though knowing his own childhood hunger, Binghe knows that chubbier is better). And Shiniang...

Well, Shiniang is a complicated figure, so Binghe won't say anything about what he sees or doesn't see in Shizun's house when he's cleaning up for the family and Yuan'er is taking his nap.

Because while most of the time Shiniang just watches him clean with a cup of tea, sometimes he helps Binghe. And whether it's wiping the dust off a precious porcelain vase or an antique sword in Shizun's study or re-organizing books and scrolls in the library, Shiniang will stop

to examine said items and stare into them as if he's trying to peer through his own soul.

"I used to do this too," he mumbled once, when Binghe gave him a book on water ghouls to tuck back into a shelf. "I used to go out on night hunts and do my part in protecting everyone."

Binghe's heart leapt at the thought of Shiniang, pale and elegant and so very dashing with a sword as refined as he was. "You must have been amazing," he said, and Shiniang snorted.

"Maybe," he said. "I had a spiritual sword once. Xiu Ya. I... lost it in a hunt, and Qingge couldn't find it for me again. Stupid."

Most cultivators would sooner cut off an arm than lose their spiritual sword. Even if you went into Wan Jian, there was no guarantee a sword spirit would acknowledge you, want to bond with you...

Without your spiritual sword, could you still be considered a cultivator?

Shiniang must have been devastated. Binghe aches for him just thinking about it.

"I'm sorry," he said, unable to think of anything else.

Shiniang looked at him blankly before whacking him lightly with the book.

"Hey!" Binghe cried out, protecting his head from another bonk.

"What was that for?"

"I'm being pitied by a baby," Shiniang sniffed. "Worry about yourself first before you start feeling sorry for other people, little beast."

"Yes, Shiniang," Binghe had said with a grin at the nickname, and they went back to cleaning the library together.

It was only when they were together alone that he felt like he was seeing glimpses of what Shiniang must have been all the time before the qi deviation rattled his mind to pieces - quick-witted and brilliant and a little mean.

And so very radiant. Seeing him like that, Binghe can understand why Shizun fell for him so long ago.

Shiniang was right, of course. He's still just a little beast at present, too small to even get a sword from Wan Jian or go on night hunts on his own.

But one day he'll be old enoug, strong enough, and the first thing he's going to do as soon as he gets the chance is to find that strange ghoul-infested swamp when Shiniang lost his spiritual sword and dig it out for him, no matter how long it takes.

After all, he's certain that Shizun would have done the same.

*

When Liu Qingge feels the potential of a breakthrough seeping through his meridians, he knows it's time to go into seclusion in the Lingxi Caves and gather himself so he can ascend to the next stage of cultivation

without trouble.

And yet.

It's been years since he's left SJ on his own, and never since Yuan'er was born.

This isn't like a simple mission that might take him away from his husband for a week or two, where he can be assured the rest of his peak or Mu Qingfang will look after SJ and his son for him.

He'll be in the Caves for months - potentially years, if time slips him by - and he won't know what's going on with his husband at all.

A part of him wants to take SJ into the Caves with him, though he knows it's a fundamentally ridiculous idea. He'd tested the idea of dual cultivation with SJ once, bringing it up with MQF before his shidi rebuked him with a blank stare.

While SJ had recovered much of his wits over the years and was hardly the helpless naif he had first been after he had woken from his qi deviation, his level of cultivation was practically at a child's level, and LQG would most likely end up draining him as a cauldron and

killing him before either of them realised what was happening.

What a waste.

If time has told him anything, it's that he shouldn't worry as much as he does. SJ has established himself in BZ properly now, and everybody loves him - not to mention he's so busy taking care of Yuan'er he barely pays attention to LQG sometimes, which, while not ideal, at least

pleases him that he's finally turned his husband into a doting parent, the one he'd always invisioned for Yingying and their little family.

And well... now he has a helper.

Luo Binghe is filial, LQG will give him that. Whenever he's done with lessons and practice he runs off to see what his Shiniang needs help with for the day, whether it be cleaning the house or laundry or babysitting Yuan'er while SJ takes his bath.

He cooks for them too, when LQG is away. When he's home he prefers to dine with SJ and Yuan'er in BZ's communal dining hall so everyone can see their Shizun and his family among them, but when he's absent, LBH likes to cook and serve them, apparently.

It's made Yuan'er squishier than ever at his age (already three! Where had the time gone) and even SJ gain a little weight and look healthier, so though LQG despises the idea of his young disciple scurrying about his house as if it's his own, he knows the boy only means well.

It's why, when he knows he has to go into seclusion, he takes LBH to the side and tells him, very seriously, to protect his Shiniang and Yuan'er with his life if need be while he's gone.

The boy even nods and salutes him for the honour, imagine that.

(Had LQG had his way in all things, truly, he'd have taken his husband and son to the estate and have his parents and servants watch over them while he was in seclusion, but ever since SJ triggered his near-fatal qi deviation years ago, MQF visits him regularly, and so does YQY.

It stings LQG that the Sect Leader still feels obligated to a small piece of his husband, that he can't just simply take SJ away without YQY gently inquiring after his health and wanting to see him, but it's a small price to pay for stability.)

Still... everything is well. He's gotten everything he's ever wanted. SJ is sweet and obedient to him, Yuan'er is a playful, lively boy, and even Yingying is cheerful again when she visits from Xian Shu.

So why does he feel anxious when he steps into the Lingxi Caves at last?

And why does it feel like he's forgotten something?

In the end, LQG never sees his own qi deviation coming.

*

When an army of demons suddenly invade Cang Qiong one day, Binghe takes his Shizun's words to heart and picks up a sword to protect Shiniang and Yuan'er, even if his heart threatens to burst outside of his chest in fear and he's scared to death.

He had heard Shizun was going to leave seclusion soon, and went to Qiong Ding to greet him as he came out. Shiniang and Yuan'er decided to come with, and the three of them played on Qiong Ding's main grounds before suddenly the ground shook before them, and the demon saintess

Sha Hualing rampaged up CQ's stairs with her army, and seeing little but teenage disciples and non-cultivators among QD's numbers, started killing people by the dozens.

It's all Binghe can do to yell at Shiniang to hide somewhere with Yuan'er before he takes up his practice sword to kill for the first time.

And with his BZ training, he manages to kill more demons than he ever thought possible, some so huge and grotesque Binghe feels like he's stabbing living rock or some sickeningly diseased creature before they fall dead at his feet.

But he's still fifteen, and gets battered around like a doll until he can feel his ribs piercing through his lungs.

What a day to die, Binghe thinks with a daze. At least he'll have died with honour and made his mother proud...

"Stupid little beast. What do you think you're doing?"

And then he feels a tiny pair of arms clamp around his neck. Unbelievably, Yuan'er is crying and hugging Binghe's injured body while Shiniang steps in front of him to protect him.

"No more," he says, and brings up his hands to perform a series of summoning seals.

Even in his pain-dulled haze Binghe gapes. He's never seen Shiniang perform cultivation before, not in the least because he was told the man's cultivation was so damaged after his qi deviation

he was lucky he still retained the vestiges of a golden core, that anything beyond maintaining his spiritual veins would kill him.

Shiniang doesn't even have a spiritual sword on him either. Yet somehow, he summons sword beam after sword beam and sends them flying after the demon hordes until he's killing them, and saving what's left of everyone else.

Even as blood starts dripping from his nose and he looks like he's going to vomit from the stress of it all, Shiniang keeps going, ignoring SHL when she calls for a truce to instead send a dozen sword beams at her head.

She ducks just in time, but ends up with a mass of cut-off braids around her feet, which send her into a rage.

Binghe drags himself to his feet and grabs Shiniang by the shoulder, if only to plead him to stop and run away so at least he'll have some face to show Shizun on his return.

The lower half of Shiniang's face and the front of his robes are grisly with blood, but he just shakes his head, even when Yuan'er sobs at how horrific his mother looks at the moment.

Oh, Binghe realises. Shiniang is going to kill himself fighting SHL, even if it's the last thing he does.

And then like a god descending from the heavens, Shizun himself drops in from the sky and lands a crater on where SHL just was a moment ago, grabbing the demoness by the arm and breaking every bone in it, making her scream in horrific agony.

Just as Shizun reaches to snap SHL's neck and Binghe shudders and covers up Yuan'er's eyes, a haggard voice cries out:

"Qingge!"

And everyone freezes.

"Qingge," Shiniang repeats, and lifts his own shaking hand to wipe at the blood still dripping down his nose. "Don't be stupid. Take her in for questioning."

"She was going to kill you," Shizun snarls, but Shiniang shakes his head.

"Give her to Qi-ge," he says. "Please."

And unbelievably, Shizun listens. He drops the injured SHL like a sack of rice and keeps her in place by pinning her shattered hand to the ground with Cheng Luan - Yuan'er crying into Binghe's knees in response - before heading over to Shiniang.

Somehow he looks just as worse off, though he must have surely gone through a breakthrough in the Lingxi Caves.

"A'Jiu," he tells Shiniang. "A'Jiu, I'm so fucking tired. I thought you'd left me while I was in there..."

"Idiot," Shiniang tells him. "Ever since we got married, I've never been able to go anywhere without you."

Maybe in another world that would sound romantic. But the sight of Shizun clasping Shiniang's bloodied face in his hands and kissing him right then and there just makes his stomach churn with sickness.

Wrong, wrong, everything about this is so wrong...

It's all Binghe can do to keep Yuan'er from distracting his parents at the moment, carrying the boy in his arms and shushing him to stop him crying from all he's experienced today.

Somehow, he knows that the last thing he wants to attract right now is Shizun's attention.

That night, he finds out just how right he was.

*

Binghe's always known his Shiniang was a survivor.

Still, when he falls asleep that fateful night only to find himself sucked into the dream realm of an ancient demon who had accompanied SHL on her failed mission -

aka a free rider who decided to hop off for a more lucrative venture - and told Binghe he had demonic heritage and potential for greatness himself, he thinks _Shiniang would know how to deal with the likes of you._

The last thing he expects is to draw the man's sleeping mind to him as a result, but there Shiniang is in his dream realm, looking not like the gruesomely beautiful hero he had been the day before, but a modest and elegant figure in the pale blue and white robes of BZ as usual.

Binghe doesn't know what happened to him after the battle, whether he was alright or not, since the first thing that happened when Zhangmen-shibo returned was both Shizun and Shiniang ushered to Qian Cao alongside the survivors.

Binghe spent the rest of the evening comforting a traumatised Yuan'er, since even the other Lius were busy. Apparently LMY had gotten injured by the demons too, and Yingying was busy caring for her cousin in one of QC's sickbeds.

Meanwhile, all Binghe could do was keep Yuan'er by his side and pray everyone resting in QC for the night would come out alive the morning after.

So it's more than a breath of fresh air when he sees Shiniang safe and sound, if only in a mental representation.

"Shiniang!" Binghe exclaims, practically throwing himself at the thin man. "You're alive, you're alive!"

Shiniang hesitantly pats Binghe on the head. "Of course I am," he says. "Stupid little beast, worrying about me when you nearly died yourself."

"You were bleeding so much," Binghe babbles on without care. "I thought you were going to die and then I'd have to answer Shizun..."

Shizun stiffens in his grip before easing himself out of it. "Don't worry about that," he mutters. "Tell me where we are instead..."

Binghe trips over himself explaining the concept of Meng Mo and why Shiniang is in his dream realm, and it's not long before the man sighs and says:

"Is it because you're a demon?"

"I'm not!" Binghe cries out in terror. "Demons are horrible, look at what they did today. I'm not - "

If he's a demon, then not only will he get banished from the sect, more likely Shizun will cut his head right off and he'll deserve it!

After all, look at the damage SHL had caused to CQ just because she could. How the hell is Binghe anything like her?

"I didn't mean that, idiot," Shiniang snaps. "I just meant if you had demonic heritage. Obviously you're nothing like that little monster."

"My loyalty is to the sect," Binghe promises him. _And to you_, he adds to himself.

"I know, I know," Shiniang says. "You've taken care of Yuan'er since before he was born, how could I not know?" A small smile twitches on his pale mouth. "Look at you. Nearly got smashed to

pulp today and you're crying over this instead."

"'m not," Binghe sniffles. "You're the one I was worried about - "

"Oh, enough of this dreck already!" Meng Mo roars, showing up in front of Shiniang for the first time.

Shiniang puts a shaky hand on Binghe's shoulder and straightens up. "So this is the pervert," he says flatly. "There are words for creepy old things like you that like to lurk in children's minds, you know."

"Mm," Binghe says, glad not to feel so alone. "So you see, old man? I don't have to do anything to help you."

"Are you kidding me?" Meng Mo howls at him. "I could make you an emperor, I could make you Junshang! You have no idea how powerful the blood inside you is - and you'd rather a life of playing housekeeper for your petty sect and that mindbroken shiniang of yours?"

"He's not - " Binghe protests, but Shiniang interrupts him with:

"You know what's wrong with me?"

"What don't I know after peeking into that empty head of yours," Meng Mo grouses. "You look normal on the outside, brat, but there's nothing inside that egg of yours.

Your mind is cracked to pieces and the worst thing is, you don't even know the bastard who did it to you is your own husband!"

"I don't - " Shiniang stutters, even as Binghe's own heart skitters to a stop. "Shut up. What are you talking about."

"Your mind is a _puddle_," Meng Mo says. "Hell, it used to be an ocean, but everything's dried up. Even what you remember you don't understand, and what you don't remember, boy..." He grins nastily. "Your husband makes even me look like a saint, you know."

"Shut up," Shiniang says. "Binghe, take me out of here."

"I want to," Binghe says, but he has no idea how. "Meng Mo, help him!"

"Oh, I will," the dream demon says with a smile, and flings Shiniang's mind out of Binghe's dream realm once and for all.

That night, all of Cang Qiong is woken by a piercing scream.

*

It takes LQG months before he recovers from his miserable qi deviation in the Lingxi Caves and feels good enough to leave Qian Cao, only to receive grim news: SJ has relapsed.

He should have known, he should have _known_ better than to leave his husband in the care of a teenage disciple. SJ was not only left to protect Yuan'er and LBH on his own, he used his cultivation to do so and burned up several years of livelihood to do so.

If LQG hadn't been there to stop him in time, he would have died - died -

He had been so out of it himself he had only breathed in a sigh of relief when MQF told him SJ would make a decent recovery despite his outrageous use of cultivation -

only for his husband to undergo what appeared to be a nightmarish tribulation in his sleep and wake up with a shock of white hair overnight.

By the time LQG is healthy enough to be able to _do_ anything about it, SJ no longer wants anything to do with him.

"I remember," is the first thing he tells LQG when they see each other again.

The last thing LQG remembers is kissing his husband senseless at the scene of the massacre, convinced his beautiful, grisly husband was a mirage or else he wouldn't be soaked with blood and slaughter.

"What do you remember, A'Jiu?" LQG edges closer to him, yet SJ just wraps bony arms around himself and shudders.

"I remember," SJ says. "You put fertility drugs in my food so I'd get pregnant and then you tried to lock me up. How could you?"

"You killed our baby." LQG feels tears come to his own eyes. So his husband is truly back, in mind and body and sense. "How could I not punish you after that?"

"You had no right," SJ gasps. "You're a monster, Qingge, a monster. You think I'm bad but at least I know what I am. You, though, you think what you're doing is right."

LQG steps in closer, SJ backing up as he does until he hits the wall of their parlour.

"Everything I've done has been for our happiness," he says.

"Not mine," SJ says. "I never wanted _this_, Qingge. Never wanted to be married and turn into a fucking broodmare or whatever you have me doing.

I was going to be the Qing Jing Peak Lord, I had a place by Yue Qingyuan's side, and you ruined it. You ruined me."

He's crying now, tears streaking down his pale face.

And still, LQG knows he will never fall out of love with that terrible, beautiful sight of his husband weeping as if LQG had sullied him instead of making him whole.

"I ruined you," he says blankly. "You ruined me. From the first day we met you put your poisonous mind into

my soul and made me unable to think about anyone else. I love you, A'Jiu, I'll always love you even if you make me sick..."

"I don't want you," SJ says. "Stop it, Qingge. Stop!"

But there's nothing he can do when LQG places a hand on his head and strokes his now-white hair as if petting a fussy cat.

(That's what his husband's always been, anyway.)

"I love you," LQG repeats. "And that'll never change."

"I hate you," SJ hiccups. "And I don't know everything you've done to me, but you've done enough, and I _know you_. I'm not doing this anything, I'm not _staying_."

LQG's hand slid from his husband's head to his cheek to closing gently around his neck, secure as a prison and warm as an embrace.

"A'Jiu," he says. "You don't have a choice."

*

Bai Zhan is a shell of itself after Shiniang's absence.

This is what Binghe's told alongside everyone else: that Shiniang's latest qi deviation, the one triggered by his actions at the demon invasion and that turned his hair ghastly white overnight just about nearly killed him,

and to recuperate he's been sent to the Liu estate alongside Yuan'er, and won't be returning until he's much better.

Which could be years from now.

Which could be never.

Only Binghe knows the truth, that while Shiniang might have been physically weak, he was still of stable mind and sense until Meng Mo pushed him out of Binghe's dream realm and forced him into the remains of his own,

making him relive his worst memories until his mind broke all over again.

It didn't matter how powerful the dream demon had promised to make Binghe; he banished him from the recesses of his mind and vowed to tear him limb from ephemeral limb if he ever felt him creeping about again.

Meng Mo had fled in disgrace, but it didn't matter.

Shiniang was gone. Yuan'er was gone, and Liu xiao-shimei moping around in their absence as well as looking after LMY, who now only had one functioning arm.

Shizun too, was no longer someone Binghe understood or admired from now on.

Because if Meng Mo was right, if Shizun was Shiniang's torturer as well as his husband, then what the hell was he going here? How could Zhangmen-shibo not see it, try to stop it?

And Binghe... what could he do? Truly, what the hell could he do from now on?

He couldn't see Shiniang or Yuan'er from now on, would be forbidden entrance even if somehow he sneaked onto the Liu estate. But he missed them so, so much. Missed Yuan'er's gleeful laugh whenever he knocked down the building blocks Binghe stacked up for him,

and missed Shiniang's small sly smile when he muttered something snarky under his breath.

He couldn't see them in person, not anymore, no.

But after months of restless sleep and avoiding Shizun's sharp stares, Binghe knows he had no other choice if he ever wants to see his beloved pair again.

_Meng Mo you bastard, come to me_, he thinks with grim determination, and learns to dream walk.

*

Sometimes, SJ dreams.

If before his mind was a puddle, as that old demon said, now it's not even that but a dried up smear of mud.

He spends most of his days in his little courtyard, tended to by a fat old momo who keeps his meals light on flavour and heavy with the draught

that keeps SJ too stupid and lethargic to do more than sit in his chair for hours, sometimes take a walk around his little garden if he really feels up for it.

Most of the time, he sleeps.

Sometimes he sees Yuan'er, his little boy who is sometimes three or five or six,

he can't honestly remember. Sometimes Yuan'er is Yingying, who is already fourteen is sixteen is somewhere in between, and hasn't seen him since Qingge crushed him into his grip that fateful confrontation and took him home right then and there into the loving arms of his parents

who had clucked at the sight of SJ and - and told LQG he should have have done better to begin with.

"I know, A'niang, A'die," LQG had said, all while SJ was helplessly restrained in his arms. "Please, help me and keep A'Jiu out of trouble for a few years?"

"Of course we will," Liu-furen had demurred, and that was the end of that.

It's been a year since then, maybe, or three, since SJ isn't allowed a calendar and the momo doesn't tell him anything.

Sometimes he gets to see Yuan'er, when both mother and son have been good, but most of the time they live apart. SJ in his courtyard, watched over by the momo and a dozen guards outside his door,

and Yuan'er by his doting grandparents who think nothing of feeding their beloved grandchild mung bean cakes and poison about the kind of person his mother is, so he cries less and less about not seeing SJ as the days go by...

Sometimes in his dreams, he sees Binghe too.

That stupid, round-cheeked little orphan SJ had decided to groom one day and the beast fell in love with him ever since, clinging to his robes like a pup and hewing to his every step.

How old is he now? Was he older than Yingying or younger? He can't remember. He hasn't seen him

since the demon invasion, since that dream -

Oh, right. Binghe is a demon.

SJ wonders if he should mention that to Qingge when his husband visits.

The man does put up a loving front when he comes to the estate, yes, playing with Yuan'er all day long and coming into SJ's courtyard and taking him into his arms as if SJ has any choice but to obey, kissing him on the cheek and brow and talking about how nice it'll be

to have a child again when SJ gets better, when SJ knows better and can think straight again...

He'll never be let out of the Liu estate. He knows that now.

In his dreams he can pretend otherwise, that when he sees Binghe and the boy brightens up and says, "Shiniang, I missed you!"

SJ can say "I missed you too, brat" and pretend Binghe just went on a mission and returned to BZ with plenty of stories and trinkets to please Yuan'er,

that SJ is still free to walk about the world, and _can_, and he won't be a prisoner for the rest of his waking life...

"Shiniang," Binghe always asks him. "Tell me. If you could have anything, what would you want?"

"I want..." SJ always hesitates.

_I want to leave this nightmare and wake up and be myself again._

_I want Liu Qingge to have never seen me, ever ever ever._

_I want to have been Qing Jing Peak Lord, I want to know what it would have been like living for myself._

_I want to see Yuan'er and Yingying again._

_I want to be free, I want to be free._

_I want to..._

"I want you to stop being such a snivelling brat the next time we see each other," SJ says, and pinches Binghe on the nose.

"Ow, Shiniang!" the boy yelps. "I'm already seventeen, you know!"

"Oh, so you still wet the bed at night then? Congratulations."

"Shiniang!!"

In his dreams, he can still pretend.

"Shiniang," Binghe tells him one night. "The Immortal Alliance Conference is full of opportunity. The cultivator who wins gets all kinds of prizes and accolades. If I win - I mean, _when_ I win, I promise I'll see you and Yuan'er then, no matter what."

"You're not strong enough," SJ says. "You'll never be strong enough." His husband is the War God; even with Binghe's demonic heritage, what can he do?

What _can_ he do?

"I promise I'll see you and Yuan'er again," Binghe repeats, taking SJ's hands in his own. "If it's the last thing I do."

"Okay," SJ says, because this is a dream and none of this is real, none of this matters. "I'll see you then."

*

"It was you, wasn't it?" Shizun says dully.

When LQG points Cheng Luan at him, strangely all Binghe feels is resignation and relief. _This is my Shizun's true face, finally._

"Yes," he admits as he stands at the precipice of the Abyss, heavenly demonic sigil burning up his brow. "I made Shiniang relive his old memories."

He doesn't mention that it was Meng Mo, because he harnessed the old demon's knowledge for his own uses before casting him out - Binghe would never forget nor forgive - and mastering the rest of his dream realm on his own.

And since then, for years he'd been visiting Shiniang in his dreams when he could. Sometimes he would talk to the man when he was lucid, though he always believed Binghe a figment of his imagination.

Sometimes he would walk through the shards of his memories and examine Shizun and Shiniang's relationship from the start, though he knew now first-hand romance had nothing to do with it, only a sick, one-sided infatuation that had destroyed Shiniang more utterly and completely

than a rogue qi deviation could.

"Monster." Shizun looks dead in the eyes as he speaks. "You broke my husband. Now look at what you turned him into."

"No," Binghe says, and laughs. "Shizun, I know what _you_ turned him into. Trust me, I saw all of it. I saw _all of it_. You've never had good intentions for him from the beginning. The only monster here is you."

"Cheap words from a demon." Shizun snarls. "Draw your sword, brat."

And let himself be slaughtered like a dog? Binghe shakes his head. "Sorry, Shizun, but I have other plans," he calls out. "So I won't be fighting you now."

"Coward," Shizun says. "So be it."

Binghe doesn't so much dodge Cheng Luan as it lunges towards him as he backs up and into empty space.

He falls - and sees Shizun's face go from shock to grim satisfaction.

_Sorry, Shizun,_ Binghe thinks. _But I have no plans to die either._

After all, there's still so much work he has to do. And now that he's no longer a disciple of Bai Zhan Peak, now that he no longer has Shizun to loom over him and prevent him from practicing demonic cultivation and harnessing his powers fully...

Well.

He doesn't know how many years it'll take, truly, until he sees Shiniang and Yuan'er again, but he'll do whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes.

After all, he made a promise.

END OF PART III

(ok the next part will be the last one I swear, but oh didn't this get epic with Bingbing's introduction? Also LQG is even more sick in the head than I thought possible, even I felt disturbed writing him LMAO... boy, you were raised wrong in this AU!!

Tell me what you liked 🤓)