Thread by @HeyMrAuDHD

Personal🧵

Hey friends, I wanted to share something personal with you. I recently discovered that I am #AuDHD (Autistic w/ ADHD). While this has been an incredibly freeing & validating experience, it's also been scary. I'm afraid of how others might treat me because of it.
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As a teacher, I don't want to be rejected or thought of as incompetent or unqualified because of my autism. I fear coworkers/administration treating me differently. But I also don't want to hide behind a mask anymore out of fear. It's time for me to live my truth & be vulnerable.

I'm announcing now because I am about to turn 35 & I've had my ADHD Dx since 2007 but I only recently discovered that I also have autism. It's been incredibly freeing, validating, & scary. It has also helped me & my delightfully supportive partner understand a lot of my quirks.

We just previously attributed these eccentricities to my ADHD, but now we are able to communicate better & more clearly & understand me & how I operate. It has been so incredibly helpful to our marriage and the love we share, as well as co-parenting and sharing the mental load.

Yet, while all of that is true, I'm riddled with fear. I don't want to be rejected or treated poorly because of my autism. I mean, no one does, but I don't want knowledge of my autism to be the sole reason I'm treated poorly because that'd be a super shitty thing.

But wow if it isn't something that folks would do without a second thought. It's a weird feeling because on one hand, I (for the most part) genuinely don't really care what people think of me

and, on the other, I become enraged at the thought that people might go out of their way to not cross my path, speak badly about me behind my back, or be patronizing/condescending all because of my autism.

Any and all of that is actually totally cool if folks want to do it because I'm an almost 35-6'4-tattooed-goofball that wears some mixture of colored overalls and a wacky shirt or sweater my wife has made, with mix & matched shoes & socks every day.

Dislike me for those reasons & I'm cool with that. I've accepted that. But to do so solely because of how my brain works & processes things...for some reason, I hate that. Perhaps that is my hated of ableism that was formed when my little sister with Down syndrome was born.

(Or a few years later when we adopted my other little sister with Down syndrome) & then further rekindled during the season I was a Special Education TA in the high school I teach for. I hate seeing folks treat others differently because they didn’t win the “normal” birth lottery

And now I'm willingly coming out & dropping my mask & opening myself up to the same treatment I so loathe. But, in another life, I used to tell the students I pastored: "Vulnerability is the currency of the divine” & that it’s when we open ourselves up

and show our (perceived) weaknesses that truly powerful and mysterious things happen. I would be remiss (and hypocritical) to tell my students to live their truth & be comfortable being themselves and then not do the same or authentically model that for them.

So, perhaps something happens. Perhaps it doesn't. Either way, I won't stand behind my own judgements of myself or hide my true self just to continue to protect myself from the misguided (albeit still hurtful) actions of others.

Especially because I have hope that somehow, something mysterious does happen, and perhaps someone else is also inspired to live their truth.

I'm #ActuallyAutistic & just starting to figure out what that means for me. I'm not going to act out of fear any longer. I guess I hope that by being authentic, I can inspire others to do the same.

Love, judge, hate, or ridicule me...do your worst, I'm ready to live #MaskOff

I am grateful for the resources & support I've received from @mightbeautistic, @AuDHD_Therapist, @AutisticCallum_, @hannaween3, @SNeurotypicals, @autist333, @hmm_cook, & @autienelle. They have all provided me with hope and guidance without even knowing it. Thank you friends!

If you think you're in a similar situation, please know that you're not alone and there is support available for you too.

Thanks for coming to my incredibly long winded & autistic TEDtalk.

Be well, friends 😁

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD

As an addendum, I have this poster I made in Canva hanging in my classroom and so...I guess I'll stop now. 😊

@threadreaderapp unroll please