Let's begin 2023 with a #BabyThread (well, really a #ToddlerThread) that helps us make sense of anticipation - and what helps when we are struggling. This little guy & his parents have lots to teach us about that.
(Thank you @danwuori for t brill posts you offer to work with.)
2. He walks into the hospital room. Let's think about that. He's probably never been in one before. Lots of weird furniture, no schema for how such a room looks to help him make sense of the layout. And so he can't find the particular thing he's looking for: His new brother.
3. Isn't it brilliant he knows he can ask for help? "Mommy, where's Frankie?" (I think that's t name?) That means he already HAS a name for t baby. He's been able to anticipate, fantasise, dream of the new baby to come. His hopes & expectations are high! He's been waiting months!
4. And look how attuned mom is able to be. One hand on his back, another reaching for his hand, able to bend to his level. Her voice is soft. "He's right here." It is astounding that a woman who has just given birth can be so attentive. Not all births will have permitted this.
5. Dad helps too: "That's your brother." Everything happening shows 2 parents who are crafting a family, who are already shaping relationships. I would guess they have been doing that for a long time before this big moment. They helped their son adjust to, anticipate t future.
6. And here he is!!! The long-awaited baby brother. LOOK at the smile on his face. It is immediate. It is a smile of greeting & delight. "So THIS is what you look like. I've waited soooo long to meet you."
7. "Wow." Our little boy is in a state of awe.
Dacher Keltner has new book out about exactly this state: Awe. He talks about how 'everyday wonder' transforms our body & brain. The wondrous, anticipated thing has happened: His baby brother is finally here. penguinrandomhouse.com/books/622175/a…
8. In that state of anticipation fulfilled, it is not surprising he gets overwhelmed. He wants to say something to his new baby brother: "You're my best friend forever." But he can barely get t words out, because his body is coping with feelings that are toooo big.
9. Let me call attention to what mom does. It is so subtle & 'obvious' we might discount it. I don't want us to do that. She moves in close. She keeps her hands near him. She's quiet. She doesn't make a big emotion even bigger. She offers calm,respite, help. That's 'containment'.
10. Sarah Ockwell-Smith @TheBabyExpert is one of people working to help parents, early years staff & t public understand what 'containment' is and why young children needs lots of it - from us, the grown-ups. Here's one of her videos on it.
11. Look at his face. Look at the apparent distress as he turns to his mom, seeking to share these big feelings. He doesn't need them taken away. He just needs some help in carrying them. Bless these parents. He has learned they will be there to help when he needs emotional help.
12. I want to say something serious in the midst of t joy. Not all children get a chance to learn what this little one has. Not all children learn their parents will 'be there' to help. That's t point of Attachment. About 50% of t population learn their parents can't always hear.
13. I don't know these parents, but I wd be willing to guess they think their comfort is just 'obvious'. They may not think its special. What I am trying to say is that it IS special. Their consistent attuned response? It will build a robust inner teddy bear. That's Attachment.
14. I spend lots of time thinking how I can help us all to understnd Attachmnt. That's why I write abt it. (I appreciated this review frm Love & Loss: "straightforward introduction".) Sooo many of us will have had attachment triggers during this holiday. loveandloss.co.uk/book-reviews-o…
15. Because here's the pay-off of Secure Attachment, in the story playing out in front of us: This little lad can collapse into his mother's comforting arms when he's overwhelmed. He can name his feelings: "I'm really excited." He just needs some help with that excitement...
16. As the video ends, there's his mum, waiting with open arms to receive him. She lets him step in. That builds TRUST. He can seek what he needs. And later in life? He will be better able to take care of himself emotionally. He will have a strong inner teddy bear.
17. Being a parent is hard, exhausting. Children constantly need you emotionally - because they can't yet manage their own emotions. I think understanding how one can be triggered by children's needs lets you hv compassion for yourself. This video helps. vimeo.com/145329119
18. About 50% of us don't have secure attachment patterns. Our parents couldn't help us craft them. So that means part of the journey of adulthood is learning how to meet your own needs and how to seek help, how to trust it when it is offered. It is a journey worth taking.
19/end. I end with my thanks to these 2 parents, who allowed this video of a precious moment to be posted on social media. I hope my comments help you realise your brilliantness. Enjoy your boys.
And thanks to all of you who keep encouraging my #BabyThread(s). Happy New Year.
"What is it that we still don't get?"
This is t title of an insightful article writtn by Cliffe & Solvason in 2022 an academc journal called 'Power & Education' @PowerandEd . That quote is frm me.
This is a THREAD highlightng the important qstns they ask. journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.11…
2. "In t opening speech for @TIGERSEYAcad 2017, Zeedyk asks 'what is that we still don't get?' Her point is that EY educators are often still not gettng the importnce of relatnshps, at policy or practice level."
Yep. I still think this. Well done @TIGERS_UK for opening up debate.
@TIGERSEYAcad @TIGERS_UK 3. "The dilemma Zeedyk alluded to emerges clearly when human development is closely scrutinised....Relatnshps are key to a child's learning, developmnt & resilience - inside & outside EY provision."
Delighted to see the theorists cited: @grahammusic1, @MoralLandscapes, Trevarthen
A #BabyThread about the sophistication of baby teasing.
This latest post from @DanWuori has been getting lots of shares & many of you have tagged me. I thought I would highlight some of the nuances so noone misses its fabulous complexity. THREAD.
2. So what can we see? Well, first, there aren't just 2 of them in on this joke, but 3! I am guessing that Daddy is filming the interaction, because there are two points when the baby looks directly at the camera as he says 'Dada'. With that look, he pulls Daddy into the joke.
3. Second, this is an example of what developmental psychologst Vasu Reddy calls 'infant clowning'. These are "acts which infants repeat deliberately in order to re-elicit laughter from others". He's learned something of emotionally managing his mama.😀
https://t.co/6gB4L1QBWKcairn.info/revue-enfance1…
How the new challenges faced by women footballers help us in thinking about responses to increased “school violence”. An analogy I didn’t have time to draw on today in my intvw w/ @Fionasstalker on @BBCRadioScot . THREAD.
2. A piece in this weekend's @guardian describes the increased hamstring injuries faced by top female footballers. Playing more often in elite matches places new demands on them. "Coaching methods are failing to keep up." The article explains how coaching has to adapt & change.
3. The @guardian article explains clearly how hamstrings work. We get a helpful schematic drawing & a Quick Guide. "Injuries tend to occur during sudden movements. Footballers are at high risk." So we've linked t biology (physiology) of hamstrings to real life (football). Grand!
The “Behaviour Crisis” in schools is not going away. The pandemic has affected developmnt even of babies. We must stop searching for who to blame: kids, govt, parents, teachers, etc. We must understand human development (ie trauma). Let me explain. THREAD bbc.com/news/uk-scotla…
2. This 2022 study found a "striking decline" in t verbal, non-verbal & cognitive performance of babies born during the pandemic. These core capacities will affect all areas of developmnt as babies age. (I have talked about this study to many audiences.) medrxiv.org/content/10.110…
3. This 2021 report showed that yng childrn's language develpmnt had been affected. I hear abt delayed language everywhere. Strugglng to express yrself results in frustration, which leads to behaviour that adults often punish & then relational conflict. bbc.co.uk/news/education…
How @ScotGovEdu announcement of a Behaviour Summit is turning into a #DramaTriangle that scapegoats children - and what we can each do to stay out of that mindset, thereby helping both teachers AND children (and their parents). A THREAD. bbc.com/news/uk-scotla…
2. Yestrday I was quite vocal on Twitter, talking abt what I am watchng unfold as talk of ‘Youth Violence’ in Scotland unfurls across t media, Parliament, school staff rooms & third sector support organisations. By day’s end I was offerng analyses of absent words like “distress”.
3. Earlier in t day, I spent time at @BannermanHigh , deliverng an inservice ssn where I tried to help staff think abt trauma & stress. Many staff said they found it helpful. Some said I hadn’t offered enough practical ideas abt what teachers can DO to manage yng ppl’s behaviour.
Many of you told me you found my recent posts on psycho-history & Nazi Germany to be insightful. So I thought I would offer you another THREAD.
2. Here’s the book I am featuring - by the determined Robin Grille.
Here’s his point: “The ultimate source of advances in human civilisation can be found in the day-to-day innovations in child rearing invented in the relationships of each caretaker & child.”
3. He offers insights into the impacts of religious extremism. He emphasises this: “Scriptures cannot be blamed for their believers’ attitudes. Those who favour violence can find justifications in any text.”