Thread by @Theholisticpsyc

Why I’ll be disappointing people in 2023 and you should too:

If you’re like me, you suffer from "good girl" conditioning.

Always making sure other people are comfortable, neglecting your own needs, not saying no to avoid guilt.

I’ve been conditioned this way since childhood.

One of my clearest childhood memories is my mom rehearsing excuses with me.

I really don't have many childhood memories, and this one sticks out.

It went something like this:

I told my mom I didn’t want to go to a friends party. She gave me lines of how to make up an excuse and we practiced together.

Then, with anxiety running through my body I made the call.

I think I was around 10 years old.

Did my mom have good intentions? Of course she did. She didn’t want me to appear rude.

She had been conditioned the same way.

But, this conditioning laid the subconscious ground work for the “good girl” beliefs.

These “good girl” beliefs include:

-I can’t just say no or turn down an invite.

- I have to have an acceptable reason. And I must over-apologize and over-explain that reason

- It’s not ok to disappoint people

- My needs don’t really matter

- My role in life is to be liked

The past couple of years, I’ve noticed this “good girl” conditioning come up often.

I witness in myself a knee-jerk reaction to not check in with myself about how I feel, but instead act from a space of not wanting to upset someone else.

And, here’s the thing: when I do this, I make people small. I operate under the belief that they’ll be crushed if I can’t make something or say no.

And that’s just not true.

Even when my mind tells me it is.

In fact, all those years I spent over-explaining and over-apologizing I was actually making things awkward for people.

Often, they would have to comfort and reassure me.

And, why should they have to do that?

In 2023, I am going to release the belief that my role is to be liked.

I am going to be ok with the idea that I might disappoint someone.

And, maybe most importantly, I’m going to give up the that adults can't deal with being disappointed.

Because, they can. It’s part of life.

Here’s your permission to (possibly) disappoint people in 2023.

I'll join you.

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