Thread by @mmmoa0

Modern #haikaveh/#kavetham AU where Haitham is a bad cook ft a lil angst (CW homelessness)~

As a college student studying linguistics, Haitham spends long hours in front of textbooks and computers. So, he develops a gym habit to keep in shape. And in true Haitham fashion, he

doesn't go half-way. He researches fitness and nutrition to the point he becomes one of those gym rats who knows all about protein and caloric needs needs.

Unfortunately, he knows next to nothing about seasoning food. His mother and ancestors weep.

Which leads to this -

He's studying in the library and decides it's time for his typical lunch - baked chicken breast, rice, and a green vegetable. When he opens the container, he hears a horrified gasp.

"Oh my archons -"

He looks over to find a pair of familiar crimson eyes. Upperclassman Kaveh,

who Haitham had met during a course on ancient civilization architecture (a requirement for Kaveh's degree and an elective choice for himself), is staring at his lunch with a look of unparalleled horror. Haitham raises a questioning eyebrow, careful to keep his face otherwise

blank despite his quickening pulse.

"There's no way you're eating that by choice."

"It's a perfectly acceptable balance of macronutrients-"

"Haitham, that poor chicken died for /nothing/. It's paler than Celestia herself."

Even through his mildly debilitating infatuation

with the blond, Haitham finds himself growing a little defensive.

"It's not as if you're eating it -"

"And I thank the fucking archons for that."

"- so leave me to my lunch."

He's about to stab into the white, mildly rubbery meat, but his container is yanked away from

him. He glares at Kaveh, who is holding the meal up and away from himself as if it were poison.

"Nuh uh. Nope. I can't allow you to put this into your body. Watching you eat this is an act of violence, and I -"

"Then don't watch."

"-will not stand for it. Wait here."

And Kaveh has turned around to dash off, with Haitham's lunch hostage, and Haitham might have done something about that if he wasn't suddenly transfixed with the window of exposed skin on the upperclassman's back.

He's not imagining stroking pale back muscles when the

man in question returns, shoving Haitham's lunch container back at him. However, it's now filled with something different.

He looks up to find Kaveh with his own portion of the same meal in a half-filled container. The blond is grinning broadly, and Haitham is momentarily blind.

"I made too much food for lunch, so you can have half of mine! No need to thank me ~"

Haitham had no intention of thanking him, because he did not, in fact, ask for his food to be kidnapped, but he opts to look back down at his new meal.

Which... smells very good, actually...

He can feel Kaveh's expectant stare, so he picks up his fork and takes a bite.

And another bite.

And three more, and he hears Kaveh's worried voice in the background - "Ah, Haitham, slow down maybe? I don't actually know the heimlich maneuver."

The next thing he knows, he's

staring into his empty bowl. He looks up again to find Kaveh's expression, which isn't what Haitham expected - The blond looks a combination of surprised and quite pleased in the same way his mother looks when he's enjoying her cooking. There's a light blush on the

upperclassman's face.

"Ah, you know. . . I'm pretty bad at portioning food for myself. So, if you want, I can bring my extra portions to campus?" Kaveh and Haitham stare at each other, and Kaveh rushes to continue, "It would really help me out, actually - It's not good to

waste food, so . . ."

Haitham should refuse, because it would be inappropriate for their current status as acquaintances and he would be imposing -

Which would all be solid points, if an endless mantra of "Kaveh's cooking ~ Kaveh's cooking ~ Kaveh's cooking" weren't

occupying his forebrain, leaving only one response on his tongue -

"Well, if you insist, Senior Kaveh."

If, several months later, after weeks of "I didn't feel like eating this much" and "I accidently doubled the recipe" expanded from lunches to include dinners, well, no one

is bold enough to risk Haitham's penchant for petty retribution to remark on it.

Until one day, Haitham finds Kaveh in their usual spot at the library, with no lunch for either himself or Haitham. Kaveh's eyes are red-rimmed, like he's barely slept, and

he doesn't meet Haitham's eyes when he says in a small voice, "I've been evicted."

Slowly, quietly, Alhaitham sits beside him. Kaveh sniffles and takes that as permission to continue.

"Apparently, my roommate has been getting notifications for weeks that we were

about to be kicked out. I pay him the rent since he's the primary lease holder, but he used our last two months of rent to gamble, apparently. . . He disappeared yesterday morning, and yesterday evening I was told that if I don't pay the missed rent, then I get evicted and

arrested. . . so I chose just the eviction part. Now I'm broke and homeless."

Haitham scowls, and opts to tuck away the voice demanding retribution against Kaveh's old roommate for a later time (it /will not/ be forgotten). He reaches up to cup Kaveh's cheek, stroking the bag

beneath a beautiful eye with his thumb.

"Did you sleep here last night?" he questions.

Kaveh shrugs.

"Needed the wifi to apply to the campus housing - The semester is just ending, so some dorms have opened up. But, the dorms don't have kitchens, so I won't be

able to bring us lunches and dinners anymore. . . I'm sorry, Haitham."

Kaveh's old roommate was going to /pay/. Not only did he cause his (beloved) upperclassman so much distress, but to threaten his ability to eat Kaveh's (delicious, prepared-with-love, divine) cooking?

Unacceptable.

"Live with me."

Kaveh's jaw drops and he blinks several times, rubbing his overtired eyes.

"Am I asleep? What the hell did you just say?"

"Live with me."

"Haitham, are you serious? You live in that high-rise apartment near campus, don't you? There's no

way I could afford to split rent with you!"

'As if that's the main problem here', Kaveh mentally despairs, rapidly losing the ability to keep up with the conversation.

"You don't have to pay rent."

"What? I'm not just going to mooch off of you!"

Haitham shakes his head

impatiently, like Kaveh's the one saying unreasonable things.

"I have groceries."

Kaveh stares. Blinks. Stares some more. Connects the dots.

"Haitham. . . are you suggesting I live with you /for free/ in exchange for me cooking your meals?"

"Yes."

Kaveh sputters, "Haitham, don't you live in a one-bedroom apartment?"

Haitham's eyes narrow with a millisecond of thought.

"You make a good point. I'll need to get a King-size mattress, then."

"That's not the issue!!"

"Would you prefer to sleep closer together then?"

"W-well, no, but that's not - This is all very sudden, and I can't even pay you back for the groceries right now, and how can you even be sure we would be compatible as roommates. Really, Haitham, this isn't a good -"

"Kaveh."

Kaveh breaths in sharply when his hand is suddenly

grasped by long, elegant fingers. He blinks up and is pinned in place by Haitham's intense hazel eyes. Even when Kaveh searches, he finds no hesitation, no fear of regret. They burn, and Kaveh shivers at just how good it feels.

"Live with me."

" . . . Yeah, alright."

He takes a deep breath, then offers a small smile, gaining a tiny twitch of lips in return.

"Okay, I'll live with you, Haitham."

//END
Tldr: the way to Haitham's heart is through his stomach