I disappeared from the world for a year and focused on myself, my healing, and personal development.
Here's how:
In 2016, I reached a low point in my life.
I felt unfulfilled with my work and dreaded Mondays. I could barely get out of bed. I had a series of toxic relationships and even fantasized about packing my bags and leaving the country.
I had to change.
I decided I was going to concentrate on myself and put myself first. Something I never did in my adult life.
Of course, this wasn't easy because I was deeply codependent and learned self betrayal as love.
Here's the changes I made:
1. I started a sleep schedule: I put myself to bed by 10 pm every night and woke myself up at 6 am. It took me a while, but soon my body responded naturally. Proper sleep is a game changer.
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2. I journaled every morning: I created something called The Future Self Journal. I used to every day to live into new emotional states. It changed my life.
4. I started looking at, and healing my childhood trauma: I became conscious to my family dynamics and how they lived within me. I did this from a space of self witnessing-- just noticing myself and my habit reactions from a space of curiosity (not judgement)
5. I set boundaries: I didn't have any boundaries until my early 30s. So naturally I felt resentful and burnt out in my relationships. I set them even though it was scary and sometimes people were disappointed.
6. I spent tons of time learning: I devoured books and podcasts (mostly about psychology, healing, and spirituality.) I learned all about the nervous system, polyvagal theory, and the subconscious mind.
I applied and practiced everything I learned.
7. I started speaking about myself in new ways. Language matters, most importantly the words that come after "I am..."
I chose to tell a new, empowering story about myself.
8. I learned new skills: I had an education (a doctorate in psychology) but I had to humble myself to the reality that I lacked skills needed for the modern world. I learned: content creation, social media, financial awareness etc.
I didn't do all of these changes at once. I actually made a small promise every day. I started out with journaling. Once I kept the promise for 30 days, I added another.
I wish I could say I went into these changes with excitement, but I didn't.
To be honest, I self-victimized. I pitied myself. I had lots of 'negative' thoughts. More than once I broke down in tears. I hated being uncomfortable.
But, I was miserable in life as I knew it, and I knew it was time for me to learn how to be ok with discomfort. I kept showing up.
And over the course of a year, I transformed.
Not just physically. The true transformation was spiritual.
I had taken a long hard look at myself. The self I had been running from. I realized I was emotionally immature, and I would need to become a parent to myself.
It was humbling. I would need to re-raise myself.
And that's what I did.
A year later I emerged as a new person.
If you would have told that past version of myself I would be a #1 New York Times bestselling author or that I would create and run a global community of people in over 100 countries, I wouldn't have believed it.
Am I special? No. We we all have the ability to heal and transform.
We just have to show up.
That's the 'secret.' Small steps every day. Saying no to the dysfunctional norms of society. Having the courage to be the black sheep who breaks cycles.
And most importantly, giving back as you do it.
The more you give, the more you receive.
Here's your permission to disappear to heal. In one year from now, you'll look in the mirror and you'll be shocked at who you see.
In unhealthy families, one child becomes the scapegoat. The scapegoat is blamed for all of the family issues.
Here's some signs you were the scapegoat:
The scapegoat is the child who tends to be: sensitive, open, curious, slightly rebellious, and may take on different interests than the rest of the family unit.
Adults in dysfunctional families tend to externalize or blame their issues on others.
This is why a scapegoat is chosen within the family.
Typically, this is an unconscious process.
Though there are deeper issues and dynamics causing the issues, those issues can be too painful to face.
6 Things To Understand After Ending A Toxic Relationship:
1. It's OK to grieve: even in toxic relationships, there are good times and positive aspects of the person that we miss. The ending of any relationship will bring up grief, and it's ok to let yourself feel whatever you feel.
2. You might need to heal and process: journal, write letters to you inner child, write a letter to your ex letting it all out (and don't send it), or talk to someone you trust. Everyone processes differently, so find a way to work through what you feel.
In dysfunctional families siblings can be: competitive, emotionally abusive, or controlling.
HERE'S WHY:
In emotionally healthy homes, parents meet the needs of their children. This allows each child to develop into who they truly are, and have healthy dependence where they are clear boundaries.
Siblings have a healthy sense of self and a healthy relationship with their parent figures.
They do not need to compete, or uphold roles to keep the relationship with a parent.
6 Habits That Will Drastically Change Your Emotional Health:
1. Pausing before reacting: our habit reactions to situations come from our past. When we pause and learn to witness the emotions come and go, we can make better choices more in alignment with who we want to be.
2. Never make a decision in a highly emotional state: fear based or anger based decisions lead to regret. When our amygdala is in a threat based state, we don't have access to logic or solution-oriented thinking. Make decisions when your body is regulated.
9 Signs you were raised by emotionally mature parents:
1. When things didn't go as planned or the way a parent wanted them to go, they focused on solutions and accepted outcomes without outbursts or completely shutting down.
Adult impact: you trust yourself to cope with things, even if they don't go as planned.
Watching your parents have a dysfunctional relationship is a traumatic experience most people call "normal."
Let's talk about the impact:
The first relationship you witness has a profound impact on: how you see yourself, relationships in general, and how you view the world (a safe or unsafe place.)
If we witness people who were: hostile, deceitful, emotionally neglectful or who had chaotic fights regularly, we learn people are not safe.