Thread by @docbhooshan

One key emotional skill in parenting -
To stop yourself from giving logical explanations when your child is experiencing negative emotions like fear, anger, sadness, disgust, etc.

It comes from parental need to get child out of misery as soon as possible.
#Thread

Out ability to use words with precise meaning and our ability to retrofit logic onto any event gives undesirable outcomes in parenting young kids (and human kids remain young for a loooong time).

When a cub is hurt and runs to mother with that wound, mammalian mother will take the cub close to her (cuddle), inspect the wound, lick the wound (cleaning and dressing) and lick the cub till it is soothed.

And this is for physical hurt. Same cuddling and licking will be offered along with some play when cub has psychological injury like escaping angry father, being thrown out of a game or escaping from a predator.

None of the daily events happening with modern humans are anywhere close when looked at from physical / mental damage point of view and a cuddle, kisses, patient hearing and soothing words should suffice in most situations you may add a scoop of ice cream to make it even better.

But modern human parent, brought up on "logic and reason" (at least thats what they believe), analyse everything to death, advice on alternative course of action if not blame the child directly for their predicament.

Basic need of the hurt child - acknowledging hurt, soothing, confirming safe parental relationship remains unaddressed at best and ridiculed at worst.

Disregarding hurt (emotion) and advising solutions is essentially telling the child that his/her emotions are quite the problem and they need to be disregarded for concrete action and logic.

We are essentially teaching kids to ignore natural emotions. Invalidating emotions.

This happens repeatedly during growing up and children get disconnected from educative value of emotions and stop trusting themselves. Such adults continue to feel strong emotions but dont know how to react / handle / manage them because they haven't acknowledged emotions at all.

This leads to various emotional and motivational issues, shallow and materialistic relationships and disconnect with anything deep within oneself. Unless positive feedback is received from others in the form of praise, money, position, medal etc., good work doesn't feel good.

Inside / self / core identity is emptied out due to denial of emotional life and denial of ourselves as emotional beings.

Parental way of interaction with children is now even more crucial because there are fewer close relationships around. If every relationship is learning/logic/fact based and insists on dealing only in that currency, what do we do with our emotional being?

Do we all need to attend "emotional intelligence" workshops? Do they even work?
Or should be taken the organic route of actually being real and humane in closest relationships?

Moving away from outcome based relationships and communication to "here and now" relationship that is not prescriptive but acknowledgement based can be a way out.

Give it a try with your loved ones.

You are welcome.
#Parenting

Adding a quiz here - your child comes back from playground as other kids asked him to not play with them.
Take this as a case study and practice your skills as mental training.

Dont ask me the "correct" answer. That will be replying the modern parent-child logical relationship:)

Pl unroll @threadreaderapp