Kuna Uncle wetu tuliishi pamoja hapo Pipeline,he was a good cook shida alikuwa dramatic,Kuna siku alijifungia kwa Bedsitter akasema anameza Rat and Rat mimi na Cuzo tulimwaga machozi hapo kwa mlango begging…“Jomba ukijimaliza unajua vizuri hatuna pesa ya kupeleka mwili nyumbani”
Because of his good cooking skills he used to be poached by relatives all over Nairobi shida alikuwa anapenda pombe so alikuwa lazima atoke na Electronic ya kupeleka ndo apewe pombe, so ukipata TV yako imeenda mnaenda kutafuta kwa his favorite drinking dens hapo pipeline
Alafu Uncle alikuwa only son na mama yake alikuwa ameshikilia family yetu we had no escape route, then bahati mzuri akachukua sura ya our Grandfather alitutoa huko valley so naturally alipendwa na kila mtu
Those who need my book “The Bandit” here is the link.Thanks for the huge support
THE BANDIT

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More from @Makiadi_

Feb 3
ANXIETY IN KIBARANI

After four years in exile in Uganda after losing everything, I was ‘Captured’ by my Uncle who was a police officer in Mbale Uganda,that fateful day nilikuwa pale Mabira forest mbele ya Jinja nimevaa Apron ya Maroon iko na flag ya UG kwa pouch ya kuweka 1/n
pesa karibu na my Stomach,Saa hizo naongea broken Swahili nikirusha ‘Banange,Ssebo na Nyabo’ hapo ndani to blend in with other vendors tukiuza roasted chicken to passengers going to Kampala. After kuskumana na other wengine nikaangua ‘bracket’ ya kuuza kwa watu walikuwa kwa 2/n
backseat ya 14 seater matatu and while handing over the roasted chicken to a woman alikuwa kwa window nikaskia an elderly man amekaa katikati akisema na kiMarakwet ‘ma Chemnjor nyenyi’? (isn’t this Chemnjor?” I froze momentarily hearing someone say my real name after so long,3/n
Read 22 tweets
Dec 24, 2022
RELATIONSHIPS IN KENYA

Kenya huwezi jua kama mtu amekupenda ama ni njaa inamsumbua.I usually believe someone cannot truly love you if they have not met their basic need.I noticed something especially post Covid era,relationships took a downturn due to the economic situation 1/n
Nowadays relationships are all about Survival,Mrembo amekufia Mwanaume not because of geniune feelings but because he has the resources to help her and ber family survive,Ndo maana most relationships break when a woman gets a lucrative job.After “eating” 3 salaries anaanza 2/n
Kujiuliza…“Nilipenda hii nyang’au nini?”.In Kenya Job promotions and lucrative jobs for women in relationships are a tense moment not because men are paranoid but its a reality that soon things may turn around for the worst. Its not uncommon to find men in clubs drunk 3/n
Read 15 tweets
Dec 23, 2022
🧵CAPTURED BY AN ANGEL 2

After our failure in our quest with Chopri we laid down for a few weeks to avoid the prying eyes and investigation team sent out na Baba ya shiko.I laid down a strategy we attack the next household during a ceremony and thanks to my Ancestors i got 1/n
intel there was an engagement in the next village.Their daughter was lucky to be married off to jamaa flani wa Jeshi which was the dream of every girl.We sent Arap Tibina Pkor to spy and do a reconnaissance on the best homestead and he came back with the best news;there were 2/n
2 beautiful lightskins from a family which had recently migrated from Metkei.Mimi na Chopri tukaanza kazi ya seduction mapema juu sherehe was a few weeks to come,our spy after taking a bribe ya Mayai gave us another intel warembo huosha nguo every Saturday in River Moiben 3/n
Read 26 tweets
Dec 22, 2022
As a businessman Ukitaka Church yako watu wajae na watoe pesa Mzuri,Invest heavily on Church Choir with good looking people and World Class Instruments.Also come up with unique emotional Praise and worship songs that will capture the masses. Finally import a pastor from a 1/n
foreign country not in Africa.A Caucasian from Europe ndo Jackpot but others can still bring good results.The Sermons should be filled with Hope and giving and how they will be rewarded. Align yourself to the delusional “Middle Class”,watauza Kila kitu to be in your church.
Middle Class love recognition so invest heavily kwa parking mahali wakishuka they will be noticed by everyone.Their contributions kwa activities za Kanisa must be recognized separately and in front on worshippers.Once in a While katikati ya praise and worship unaambia 3/n
Read 9 tweets
Dec 21, 2022
During our time ya KCPE we made a huge Mistake,Kijana wa Uncle wangu wa Parastatal was brought to our local primary school from an academy in Nairobi to increase his chances za kwenda National School,Results ilitoka mimi na mtoto wa Uncle wangu mlevi ndo tulipata over 400 1/n
Marks kijana wa mkubwa akapata 202,Family meeting was convened Tukawa accused ati hatuna Heshima. To date he the guy has never set foot kwa village huwa naona kwa Facebook photos ako somewhere in Australia doing Nursing.
I remember siku ya prayers a special pastor was imported from Nairobi to pray for the son.The pastor ata hakuongea kwa prayers yetu,venye tumeingia class ndo through the window tukaona Kijana wa mkubwa amepigishwa magoti near Assembly alafu pastor amemwekea mkono kwa Kichwa.
Read 8 tweets
Dec 21, 2022
In the Metamorphosis of a Kalenjin woman kuna mahali especially between the age of 20-25 huwa hawataki vijana wa nyumbani,ukiwaambia unatoka Rift Valley they feel insulted and can spit directly into your left eye.They don’t want anything to do with Male Chauvinism and in their1/n
small community groups in Campus they wonder how their Mothers put up with such nonsense.They accuse Kalenjins of being Stingy and Unromantic so apart from The Caucasians our brothers from The lake rank high in their Choices followed Closely by our Mashemeji from Shamakhokho 2/n
Their Ultimate dream though is to date Caucasians so wakiwa campus immediately wanaanza mission by going to clubs they are more likely to meet them,for past generations Clubs like Changes,Black Diamond and Skylux lounge were frequented by Caucasians,For Gen Z (Tiktok Gen) 3/n
Read 19 tweets

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