Rory Profile picture
Feb 17, 2023 • 9 tweets • 4 min read • Read on X
A #2023thread on grief and grief resources 🧵
“Growing Around Grief,” whatsyourgrief.com/growing-around… references Lois Tonkin, 1996. Growing around grief—another way of looking at grief and recovery, Bereavement Care, 15:1, 10, doi.org/10.1080/026826….
Graphic of "my experience" versus what I thought "stages of grief" would be.
“Death is a date in the calendar, but grief is the calendar.”

John Pavlovitz, 2017. The Grieving You Need Most After the Funeral, johnpavlovitz.com/2017/01/05/the…, 5 January 2017.
The Grief Recovery Handbook from GriefRecoveryMethod.com is the resource I suggest most often for people stalled in their grief after a year or more, widely available used and from libraries.
Surviving Spouse or Partner Suicide Loss is the best recent book on grief I have seen, especially for immediately after. Its of wider applicability than the title might suggest, and there is a companion volume for friends and family.
Most hospices or hospital social workers will know of local "bereavement support" "grief groups," either locally or online, and those are also invaluable.

This is not a journey one need endure alone.
Alexander Hardy @ChrisAlexander_'s #GriefKit is also an excellent, immediate resource at getsomejoy.com/griefkit.
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More from @rorybowman

Nov 10
I posted intemperately yesterday in asserting (without qualification) that there are at least three 5-ARD males @NWSL, when I should have said "likely" in the absence of clear proof.

My statement is based on past patterns of deception by opportunistic 5-ARD males and promoters, famously including Caster Semenya and Imane Khelif. I have strong reasons to believe this is true @NWSL based on a preponderance of evidence, but it was imprudent.

The larger issue is that NWSL and other sporting organizations have created an environment where males can invade and compromise women-and-girls sport, by terminating sex-verification tests and adopting shabby policies that do not address the core reality of why the female category exists in the first place.

I shall aim to unroll some of my own thoughts on this below later today, for clarity. 🧵
@NWSL The sports category has been #SexNotGender since at least the Olympics of 1900, assuring #FairPlayForWomen and girls. This was also the clear intent of the US Title IX guidelines which paved the way for modern sport in North America (and dramatically advantaged @USWNT).
There are core philosophical questions at play here:

What is the purpose of sport?
Of rules within sport?
Of categories?

Sport categories are not arbitrary but created and honed over decades for the promotion of fair play and equitable opportunity.

If sport is for the promotion of physical and social health, it stands to reason that one wishes that for as many people as possible.

Rules help assure safety and fairness and sustainability for both sport and athletes, as do categories.

As sport seek to extend its benefits to more people, categories grow in number and sophistication toward that goal, as do leagues. Some leagues are focused on participation and some on excellence, which is the reason to have Olympics, Special Olympics and Paralympics (among other things, such as age-limited youth and "master" leagues). Recreational, developmental and elite teams all serve a slightly different purpose, but fall within this category.

Because sports are physical things, most categories are also physical: age, sex, weight class and similar.
Read 18 tweets
Aug 13
The fundamental definition of anisogamous sex focuses on the haploid generation: gametes. Whether the species is a plant or animal, large and sessile gametes are female. Small and motile gametes are male, whether sperm in animals or pollen in plants.

This is basic, not complex.

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Isogamic organisms such as fungi may reproduce sexually, but only anisogamous species have "sex," which is binary.

Gametes are sexed, based on size and motility, but we extend the idea of sex to label those structures, tissues, organs and individuals which produce, support them. Image
Plants have greater variety in morphology than animals do, so that one species may produce different gametes on different structures of the same plant or on different individuals.

Animals are also diverse, but less so, and mostly gonochoric, individuals having one sex for life.

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Read 10 tweets
Feb 26
Sam Keen was one author popular among "mythopoetic" men thirty or so years ago, especially his 1991 book Fire In the Belly: On Being a Man.

goodreads.com/book/show/5662…

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An excellent sense of his insights can be found by searching for terms such as “phallus” or “goddess” in this book, or , noting how far they fall from Andrew Tate or today’s “manosphere.”archive.org/details/firein…
archive.org/details/firein…
Keen’s 1990 book Your Mythic Journey was featured by Bill Moyers in a PBS special of the same name, , which expanded on its subtitle: “Finding Meaning in Your Life Through Writing and Storytelling.”

The overlap between therapy and literature is strong.billmoyers.com/content/your-m…
Read 6 tweets
Feb 19
The "mythopoetic" men's movement came into prominence in the mid-1980's, as various books about archetypes emerged into popular, public consciousness.

Books such as Jean Shinoda Bolen's Goddesses in Every Woman and Robert Bly's Iron John drew insights from myth and fairy tales.


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"Mythopoets adopted a general style of psychological self-help inspired by the work of Robert Bly, Robert A. Johnson, Joseph Campbell, and other Jungian authors."



Thousands of men are still active in such "work," with hundreds of circles worldwide.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mythopoet…
A 1988 PBS series by Bill Moyers did a lot to popularize the idea of mythology and depth psychology in the United States.



Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth popularized Campbell’s 1948 book Hero With a Thousand Faces, tying it to Star Wars and more.youtube.com/playlist?list=…
Read 9 tweets
Feb 12
Modern male socialization in the United States often falls short on "EQ" or "emotional intelligence," such that men have trouble distinguishing even basic emotions in themselves and others.

This creates a number of problems, so a thing I often share is a "multiple choice" tool…
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Adapted from page 38 of Bill Kauth’s 1993 book A Circle of Men, this tool has a number of key advantages, both in its simplicity and its rhyming.

When pressed, most men can identify one of these four feelings, and often even clarify where in their body they feel it. Image
Anger is often a major “go to” emotion for many men, because it is widely accepted.

For this reason it is often an analgesic or “masking emotion” to plaster over other feelings.

Anger often emerges as a reaction when something stops us from having what we need or want. Image
Read 11 tweets
Feb 5
Male friendships are an area that merits discussion, with examples in literature from the epic of Gilgamesh forward.



How can men today normalize better friendships as part of healthy masculinities?

#MasculinityMonday #Masculinities #MasculinitiesMonday archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nyt…

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Male friendships in the 19th century were more common, affectionate and sentimental than most friendships today, as touched on at .

“Homosociality” is common from middle childhood forward, but persisted for US men longer in more sexually segregated times.artofmanliness.com/people/relatio…
Men report being lonelier than women, and having fewer friends.



Some data suggests that this may be worse for young men, for a variety of reasons.latimes.com/opinion/story/…
Read 15 tweets

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