1/
#HumanismAlways, Day 4
Residency, circa the ‘90s
Her: “Yeah, it’s been tough since my mama died.”
Me: “Oh no. I don’t think I knew that. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Her: “I appreciate that.”
*silence*
Me: “Had your mom been sick?”
Her: “Yes. She was.”
*silence*
#HumanismAlways, Day 4
Residency, circa the ‘90s
Her: “Yeah, it’s been tough since my mama died.”
Me: “Oh no. I don’t think I knew that. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Her: “I appreciate that.”
*silence*
Me: “Had your mom been sick?”
Her: “Yes. She was.”
*silence*
2/
She turned her head to me and held my gaze.
Her: “Know what else she was?”
Me: *listening*
Her: “She was my mama.”
Ooph.
I parted my lips to speak but nothing came out. She touched my arm and smiled.
Her: “She was sick. She was up in age. She was all of those things.”
She turned her head to me and held my gaze.
Her: “Know what else she was?”
Me: *listening*
Her: “She was my mama.”
Ooph.
I parted my lips to speak but nothing came out. She touched my arm and smiled.
Her: “She was sick. She was up in age. She was all of those things.”
3/
Her: “But still. Before ALL that she was and is my mama.”
Me: *listening*
Her: “And if they was good to you? I’m not too sure it’s ever a good time to say goodbye to your mama for good.”
I gave a tiny nod.
*silence*
Me: “I’m sorry.”
Her: “It’s okay.”
Her: “But still. Before ALL that she was and is my mama.”
Me: *listening*
Her: “And if they was good to you? I’m not too sure it’s ever a good time to say goodbye to your mama for good.”
I gave a tiny nod.
*silence*
Me: “I’m sorry.”
Her: “It’s okay.”
4/
Her: “See, now that I’m older? I see so much stuff different.”
Me: *listening*
Her: “Like. . . THAT ain’t a question I ask. Or at least it ain’t one I lead with. ‘Cause even if they was sick, it’s something ‘bout being on this earth without your mama or daddy that feel off.”
Her: “See, now that I’m older? I see so much stuff different.”
Me: *listening*
Her: “Like. . . THAT ain’t a question I ask. Or at least it ain’t one I lead with. ‘Cause even if they was sick, it’s something ‘bout being on this earth without your mama or daddy that feel off.”
5/
Her: “Instead I ask stuff like, ‘What was they like? Or what was their name?’ I come right out with that.”
Me: “Wow. That’s great advice.”
Her: “Yeah. It turn the whole conversation in a different direction.”
Me: “I love that.”
*silence*
Me: “So… what’s your mama’s name?”
Her: “Instead I ask stuff like, ‘What was they like? Or what was their name?’ I come right out with that.”
Me: “Wow. That’s great advice.”
Her: “Yeah. It turn the whole conversation in a different direction.”
Me: “I love that.”
*silence*
Me: “So… what’s your mama’s name?”
6/
Her: *smiling* “Everybody called her Queenie even the grands. But her real name was Esther.”
Me: “Aaah. Like Queen Esther in the Bible.”
Her: “Yep. And her brother was named David and we called him King.”
*soft laughter*
After that, she told me all about Queenie. Sure did.
Her: *smiling* “Everybody called her Queenie even the grands. But her real name was Esther.”
Me: “Aaah. Like Queen Esther in the Bible.”
Her: “Yep. And her brother was named David and we called him King.”
*soft laughter*
After that, she told me all about Queenie. Sure did.
7/
And she smiled and she laughed and she cried a little, too. And all of it was good.
So very good.
I never forgot that lesson. And while I may have slipped at least once, I almost never ask that question:
“Were they sick?”
Or at least it isn’t one I lead with.
Nope.
And she smiled and she laughed and she cried a little, too. And all of it was good.
So very good.
I never forgot that lesson. And while I may have slipped at least once, I almost never ask that question:
“Were they sick?”
Or at least it isn’t one I lead with.
Nope.
8/
But I DO almost always ask those follow up questions. I do to this very day.
“What was their name?”
“What were they like?”
And, like she taught me, it always takes the whole conversation in a different direction.
Always.
Kind of like this:
But I DO almost always ask those follow up questions. I do to this very day.
“What was their name?”
“What were they like?”
And, like she taught me, it always takes the whole conversation in a different direction.
Always.
Kind of like this:
https://twitter.com/gradydoctor/status/1496674144200581124?s=46&t=HgEaB54N89MUhbMVePyQkg
https://twitter.com/gradydoctor/status/1496674144200581124
9/
Here’s what I know for sure:
Our richest teachable moments in medicine are almost never found in books or journals. No, they are not.
I’m forever grateful for that lesson. And just glad to be here. Then and now.
Yeah. 💛
#humanismalways
#SolidarityWeek
Here’s what I know for sure:
Our richest teachable moments in medicine are almost never found in books or journals. No, they are not.
I’m forever grateful for that lesson. And just glad to be here. Then and now.
Yeah. 💛
#humanismalways
#SolidarityWeek
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