The Upshot Profile picture
Feb 20 16 tweets 7 min read
Everyone knows Brazilian strikers love 3 things: boozing, showboating and shagging anything that moves.

But none can match Garrincha, the magical winger who lifted two World Cups, fathered 14 children and lost his virginity to a goat.

Meet football's first wild child...
Born in a poor suburb of Rio, Garrincha had one leg shorter than the other.

Doctors weren’t sure if he’d ever walk properly, let alone play football.

And to make matters worse, he had an IQ in the low 70s.
Despite those obstacles, the lovable simpleton grew up fast, and he lost his virginity at the age of 12.

Unfortunately for Garrincha, his first sexual partner – found for him by some older boys in the neighbourhood – was a goat.
When he wasn't knobbing farmyard animals, the talented teenager was hitting the booze, and by age 14 he had a serious habit.

But his tricks and flicks on the streets were enough to attract some of Brazil’s top clubs, and he signed for Botafogo in 1953.
Soon his maverick skills fired him into the national team, and the mercurial winger was a key cog in Brazil’s maiden World Cup victory in 1958.

And that's when the trouble really started...
To celebrate winning the World Cup, Garrincha went on the mother of all benders.

Cachaça was his poison, and the player spent six months with a bottle of the spirit glued to his hand.

He drank so much of it, he piled on the pounds and Brazil had to drop him.
Second to his love of drink was his thirst for women.

While on tour with Botafogo in Sweden, and with his wife heavily pregnant at home, he fathered a child with a local girl.

And shortly after his return, his mistress in Rio announced her own pregnancy.
With three kids on the way by three different women, you'd think Garrincha would be planning for the future.

But he didn't care for money: he hid his World Cup bonus cash under his children's mattress, and it was destroyed when his son wet the bed.
During this period, training became a rarity, and Botafogo players would take bets on Garrincha's next excuse for missing a session.

His favourite was, "My father fell off a horse", which he used three times.
Amid all this mayhem, Garrincha found time to run over and nearly kill his father while off his tits on Cachaça.

As his life descended into chaos, he looked destined for the scrap heap.

But then something peculiar happened...
He put the bottle down long enough to get in shape for the 1962 World Cup in Chile.

With Pelé injured, Garrincha was Brazil’s star man at the tournament.

He mesmerised fans with his jinking runs and flair on the pitch, and still made room for the odd moment of madness.
During the quarter-final against England, a stray dog invaded the pitch.

As striker Jimmy Greaves carried the labrador off the pitch, it peed on his shirt.

Garrincha, ever the animal-lover, adopted the mutt and flew it home to Brazil.
In the semi-final, Garrincha scored twice as Brazil put hosts Chile to the sword, before getting sent off.

He was so good the Chilean media petitioned FIFA to overturn his suspension and allow him to play in the final. And they did.
Garrincha played in that final as Brazil won a second title. He took home both the Golden Boot as top scorer and Golden Ball as best player.

Alas, he never quite came back from the party that followed.
He made it to the ’66 World Cup, but his powers had waned. He died in 1983, having fathered at least 14 kids.

But no one - man or beast - ever forgot Garrincha, a true rockstar of the game.
We can’t promise mercurial Brazilians shagging farmyard animals, but we cover all sport's wildest stories in our free weekly email.

It's a 3 minute rundown of the funniest stories in sport.

Join 60k subscribers here:

upshot.email/?utm_source=tw…

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
 

Keep Current with The Upshot

The Upshot Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @UpshotTowers

Feb 22
Things aren't going well for Chelsea boss Graham Potter.

10th in the Premier League, heading out of Europe... and now his star player's wife is mugging him off on Twitter.

It's not even the first time the she's let rip on the Chelsea team... Image
Last season, Thiago Silva's wife Isabelle went on a foul-mouthed rant, branding his then-teammate Timo Werner a "verme" (Portuguese for a maggot).

After that, Thiago probably had a few choice words...

Something along the lines of: "please don't make my teammates hate me". Image
But Thiago was despairing again in September, when Isabelle berated Chelsea ground staff for not plastering enough pictures of him around Stamford Bridge. ImageImage
Read 7 tweets
Feb 21
Lurking beneath its slick, modernising image, German football is hiding some dark secrets.

In fact, its 21st century has been truly scandalous.

From goalkeepers on chainsaw rampages to midfielders flogging horse spunk, welcome to an utterly mental 20 years of German football... Image
2000: Germany are set to appoint Cristoph Daum as manager, when stories emerge of cocaine-fuelled orgies with prostitutes.

A furious Daum demands the FA conduct tests, and volunteers hair samples to "protect my good name".

But that backfires when the tests come back positive. Image
2001: After an agonisingly tight season, Schalke think they've won the Bundesliga.

Delirious fans invade the pitch, before the last seconds of Bayern Munich's game are put on the big screen.

62,000 disbelieving fans watch Bayern score with the last kick, to snatch the title.
Read 15 tweets
Feb 18
Todd Boehly has a reputation as a clueless yank. The Chelsea owner once asked his manager to field 12 players in a rare 4-4-3 formation.

But when it comes to the business side, he's got it all worked out... right?

Chelsea fans, stop reading now...
In a recent meeting with some agents, the American was asked how he planned to recoup his £500mil shopping spree.

Boehly assured them he could easily afford to spunk the cash because Chelsea qualify automatically for the Champions League each year, earning millions in TV money.
After an awkward silence, one agent explained that Chelsea did not qualify automatically, and were unlikely to make it next season as they are currently 10th in the league.

"That's nonsense! We're in it every year," Boehly chuckled, before excusing himself from the meeting.
Read 5 tweets
Feb 17
We often joke that French football is just a sordid sexual psychodrama.

And this week has been no exception.

From porn stars shagging in stadium toilets to FA bosses begging colleagues for threesomes, welcome to another utterly ordinary week in French football...
Ligue 1 side Nice are investigating after porn stars filmed an x-rated video in the stadium toilets during a recent game.

The clip shows a woman luring a "random" fan to the cubicle for a bonk.

Where could be more romantic than the piss-soaked bogs of the home end?
Everyone's (least) favourite dirty dog Nöel Le Gräet has been up to his old tricks.

The French FA boss is currently under investigation for grabbing junior employees' thighs and sending them filthy texts.

But that hasn't stopped him.
Read 9 tweets
Feb 16
The Arsenal dressing room of the 1990s was absolutely mental.

It was ruled by a riotous ring of badly-behaved boozers who called themselves "The Tuesday Club".

From stints in the slammer to machete-wielding gangsters, this is the tale of Gooners Gone Wild...
Our story begins when Arsenal boss George Graham gives his squad Wednesdays off.

Tuesday nights quickly descend into "relentless drinking".

After an all-day piss up at a BBQ, captain Tony Adams crashes his Ford Sierra into a garden wall at 70mph.

He's jailed for 56 days.
Behind bars, the future England captain is befriended by a burly credit card fraudster called Scotchie, who sorts him a bottle of illicit vodka.

His new pal saves him from an attack by two Scousers who planned to break his kneecaps.
Read 18 tweets
Feb 15
Back in the 90s, Duncan Ferguson was football's most terrifying hardman.

The Everton legend was the first footballer jailed for an on-field offence, but that's just the half of it.

From headbutting policemen to hospitalising burglars, this is the mental tale of Big Dunc...
1990: Dundee United sign Duncan Ferguson, a 6ft 4in striker who is particularly good with his head.

Perhaps too good: after a night of heavy boozing he gets into an spat with a policeman at a Dundee taxi rank.

Dunc settles the dispute by headbutting the copper.
1993: He's back at the taxi rank when a postman who supports hated rivals St Johnstone starts goading him.

The bloke is already on crutches with a broken leg, but that doesn't stop Duncan punching and kicking him.

Dunc defends the damage as "Fat lips, no big deal".
Read 16 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!

Ethereum

0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy

Bitcoin

3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!

:(