English football has seen some certified nutters down the years.
But none of them hold a candle to Gazza - the man was an absolute mentalist.
From feeding his mates cat shit to letting ostriches loose at training, welcome to the utterly unhinged world of Paul Gascoigne...
But none of them hold a candle to Gazza - the man was an absolute mentalist.
From feeding his mates cat shit to letting ostriches loose at training, welcome to the utterly unhinged world of Paul Gascoigne...
1985: Aged 17, a fresh-faced Gascoigne helps Newcastle beat Watford to lift the FA Youth Cup.
At full time, Watford chairman Elton John comes into the changing room to congratulate the team.
A bollock naked Gazza stands up in the bath chanting ‘Elton, give us a song!’
At full time, Watford chairman Elton John comes into the changing room to congratulate the team.
A bollock naked Gazza stands up in the bath chanting ‘Elton, give us a song!’
1987: Gazza hones his talent for pranks on his best mate, Jimmy Five Bellies.
One night, Jimmy stumbles home from the pub, and Paul hands him a piping hot mince pie.
Five Bellies wolfs it down, before a cackling Gascoigne reveals he’d filled the pie with cat shit.
One night, Jimmy stumbles home from the pub, and Paul hands him a piping hot mince pie.
Five Bellies wolfs it down, before a cackling Gascoigne reveals he’d filled the pie with cat shit.
1988: As Gascoigne seals his move to Spurs, Jimmy Five Bellies and the rest of Gazza's mates head to London.
Spurs cough up for a posh hotel, and the boys wreak utter havoc.
Gazza begins contract talks by saying "We'd like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."
Spurs cough up for a posh hotel, and the boys wreak utter havoc.
Gazza begins contract talks by saying "We'd like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."
1989: Gascoigne somehow convinces the handlers at Broxbourne Zoo to lend him an ostrich.
He dresses the bird in a Spurs shirt, and brings it to training in a brown sack.
After releasing the bemused bird on the training ground, Gazza spends the next 4 hours trying to catch it.
He dresses the bird in a Spurs shirt, and brings it to training in a brown sack.
After releasing the bemused bird on the training ground, Gazza spends the next 4 hours trying to catch it.
1990: Gazza is called up to the England squad for Italia 90.
Broadcasters have the bright idea of having each player mouth his name for the pre-match line-ups.
Gazza instead mouths 'fucking wanker' into the camera, and the BBC have to use it for the whole tournament.
Broadcasters have the bright idea of having each player mouth his name for the pre-match line-ups.
Gazza instead mouths 'fucking wanker' into the camera, and the BBC have to use it for the whole tournament.
Before England's group stage game against Egypt, Gazza decides to pay tribute to his opponents’ rich cultural heritage.
He strips naked, mummifies himself in toilet roll, and throws himself in the hotel pool.
He strips naked, mummifies himself in toilet roll, and throws himself in the hotel pool.
1991: When Gazza is injured in the FA Cup Final for Spurs, his old pal Jimmy Five Bellies delivers a pellet gun to his hospital bed.
They spend the next week shooting pellets and lobbing water balloons at the photographers camped outside.
They spend the next week shooting pellets and lobbing water balloons at the photographers camped outside.
1992: Before an England game against Norway, Gascoigne is asked by a Norwegian TV crew if he has a message for England's opponents.
"Fuck off Norway" probably wasn’t the response they were expecting....
"Fuck off Norway" probably wasn’t the response they were expecting....
Later that year, Gazza signs for Lazio.
At his first press conference in Rome, he stands up, asks for silence, and farts at an ear-splitting volume.
He's later fined £39,000 after responding to a reporter's question by burping into TV microphones.
At his first press conference in Rome, he stands up, asks for silence, and farts at an ear-splitting volume.
He's later fined £39,000 after responding to a reporter's question by burping into TV microphones.
But Gazza reserves an extra special greeting for Lazio chairman Sergio Cragnotti.
“I said to him, ‘Tua figlia, grande tette’ – ‘Your daughter, big tits,’” Gazza recalled.
“I only discovered later that I’d mixed up the daughters – I’d been thinking of his brother’s daughter.”
“I said to him, ‘Tua figlia, grande tette’ – ‘Your daughter, big tits,’” Gazza recalled.
“I only discovered later that I’d mixed up the daughters – I’d been thinking of his brother’s daughter.”
1993: Lazio gaffer Dino Zoff becomes the target of Gazza's pranks.
On one occasion he covers himself with fake blood, and lies in front of the team bus.
Another time, as they're driving through a dark tunnel, Gazza strips completely naked and jumps into the seat beside Zoff.
On one occasion he covers himself with fake blood, and lies in front of the team bus.
Another time, as they're driving through a dark tunnel, Gazza strips completely naked and jumps into the seat beside Zoff.
1994: During a trip to London, Gazza runs into Liam Gallagher in Soho’s Groucho Club.
When the Oasis frontman goes to the loo, Gascoigne steals his seat and polishes off the steak he was eating.
When he realises what's happened, Liam drenches Gazza with a fire extinguisher.
When the Oasis frontman goes to the loo, Gascoigne steals his seat and polishes off the steak he was eating.
When he realises what's happened, Liam drenches Gazza with a fire extinguisher.
1996: During an open training session with England, Gascoigne pulls down the shorts of his teammate Paul Ince.
The midfielder’s arse crack is all over the next day’s front pages.
The midfielder’s arse crack is all over the next day’s front pages.
Later that year, England boss Terry Venables subs Gascoigne off on 80 minutes in a friendly.
Gazza belts for the exit, where his mates are waiting with a car.
With the game still playing, Gazza is spotted outside a nearby pub, smoking a fag in his England strip.
Gazza belts for the exit, where his mates are waiting with a car.
With the game still playing, Gazza is spotted outside a nearby pub, smoking a fag in his England strip.
1997: At Rangers, Gazza perfects one of his favourite pranks: he hides not one but two rotting fish in teammate Gordon Durie’s car.
“When he finds the first, he’ll think that’s it”, Gazza tells Ally McCoist.
The car ends up smelling so bad it's written off.
“When he finds the first, he’ll think that’s it”, Gazza tells Ally McCoist.
The car ends up smelling so bad it's written off.
1998: During a golf trip with his Rangers teammates, Gazza spots a swan strutting beside a loch, and stuffs it into the back of his Range Rover.
He drives around the Highlands in utter chaos as the swan attacks Ally McCoist on the back seat.
He drives around the Highlands in utter chaos as the swan attacks Ally McCoist on the back seat.
Alex Ferguson once claimed that if Gazza had joined Man United instead of Spurs, he'd have managed to keep him on the straight and narrow.
Gazza's response was golden...
Gazza's response was golden...
"Well, Rio Ferdinand did a fucking runner from a drugs test. Eric Cantona two-footed some cunt in the neck in the stand. Wayne Rooney shagged a fucking granny, and Ryan Giggs shagged his brother’s fucking wife. Fucking hell, man."
Fair point!
Fair point!
We can't promise mercurial England midfielders raiding their local zoo to bag an ostrich, but if it happens, you can read about it in our free weekly email.
It's a 3 minute rundown of the funniest stories in sport.
Join 60k subs:
upshot.email/?utm_source=tw…
It's a 3 minute rundown of the funniest stories in sport.
Join 60k subs:
upshot.email/?utm_source=tw…
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
