Upcoming thread: how to speak to your parents about the way they raised you.
Yall ready? #ThreadTherapist
Ok let’s get started. 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 HOW TO SPEAK TO YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THE WAY THEY RAISED YOU ✨ a 🧵 !!!
Release any expectations you have about their response. 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️ they’re more than likely not going to respond the way you want them to. Stop thinking you can control that. Your goal should be to communicate your side — not to get them to apologize or understand.
They will probably never accept it or understand. That will be THEIR CHOICE. Your goal is to simply communicate your side and get it out of your body & off your chest. Your goal is to speak up for yourself. Your goal is to speak. That’s it and that’s all.
Prepare yourself for them to defend themselves with their response. It’s hard for anyone to take accountability, but especially a parent that may THINK they’ve done the best they could do with what they had (whether that actually occurred or not).
It’s hard for anyone to take accountability, but especially when it’s something that’s going to alter their own perception/idea of who they are as a person/parent. Whether they act like it or not — your opinion matters as their child regardless of how they’ve treated you.
Take your parents off of the pedestal you’ve had them on since you were a child. Placing someone on a pedestal results in expectations of them being perfect (knowing every answer, not being given grace for making mistakes or intentional actions that may have caused you harm).
Parents don’t know everything. They also cannot control you NOW. You’re an adult NOW. (If you aren’t an adult you’re old enough to speak up for yourself) asserting yourself is not DISRESPECTFUL. Know that saying your words are disrespectful is a defense mechanism.
They will attempt to make you feel bad for speaking up for yourself. Remember this is YOUR RIGHT. “I’m sorry you feel disrespected, that was not my intention. How can I continue this conversation in a way that it won’t be disrespectful?” Your goal is to get your point across.
Lean into what they are saying even if you don’t agree. This is what we’ll have to do during the conversation to stay on topic. When it’s done — you can communicate about how you don’t feel it disrespectful due to “xyz”. Feeding into that at the time will deter you from the goal.
Recognize that the actions they may have engaged in were possibly not to harm you on purpose (unless they were abusive af), they were probably just trying to survive and figure things out just like you are right now — and life is hard work.
This is not to give them a pass. This is to help regulate your thoughts and emotions before, during and after the conversation. You cannot control anything that happened in the past. These things aren’t changing. We have accepted them as they are— we are only communicating now
LORD! This is a long one. It feels like therapy. Lemme get me another drink. Also HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY! One of my besties had her baby today. I’m walking in pure bliss!! Have you retweeted this though? 🤔
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