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Mar 6 11 tweets 5 min read
Drink. Drugs. Explosive benders. And the inspiration for a rock band’s hit single.

Nope, it’s not an iconic supermodel, it’s a non-league footballer from west London.

From stripping in nightclubs to LSD before matches, meet Robin Friday, the original rock 'n' roll footballer...
Friday had been a van driver, plasterer, and professional thief before joining Hayes FC in the early 70s.

Months after signing, he had a near-fatal accident, impaling his arse on a spike after falling from scaffolding.

He hauled himself off, and was playing again in 3 months.
The striker became the club's star man, but off the pitch things weren’t so rosy.

Hayes once played a match with 10 men because Robin was still on a bender from the night before.

He turned up with 80 mins gone, stinking of piss and unable to run straight, and scored the winner.
Friday's form attracted 4th division Reading, who signed the striker in 1974.

But manager Charlie Hurley found himself constantly apologising for Friday's antics, even bailing him out of prison for dodging train fairs.

And soon, Friday was barred from most of Reading’s pubs...
In one incident he removed his coat in a nightclub, wearing nothing but a pair of cowboy boots underneath.

Another time, Friday unveiled 'the elephant’, a dance move which involved turning his pockets inside out, and flopping his sizeable schlong out of his flies as the trunk.
His furious gaffer enforced a new rule: Friday must stay sober for 48 hours before matches.

The player was surprisingly open to the new rule...

He just drank whiskey and took LSD every waking moment in between.
In 1976, Reading sold Friday to Cardiff City. Arsenal were interested, but his reputation put them off.

He turned in a top performance on his debut against Fulham, and even found time to squeeze England legend Bobby Moore’s bollocks while being marked by the World Cup winner.
Shortly after, while staying in a hotel, the Cardiff team were awoken in the night by deafening banging noises.

Friday was found on the hotel’s snooker table in his underpants, chucking the balls about the room.

Later that night, he turned up in the hotel bar with a swan.
In a match against Brighton, the striker was marked by Mark Lawrenson.

Friday got so frustrated that he kicked the defender in the face, and was sent off.

After marching down the tunnel, he broke into Brighton's dressing room, found Lawrenson’s kitbag, and took a shit in it.
Friday's Cardiff contract was cancelled, but his four short years in football left a lasting legacy.

In 1999, Friday was named Reading’s ‘Player of the Millennium’.

And Welsh rockers Super Furry Animals released a single in his honour: ‘The Man Don’t Give a Fuck’
The next time a maverick striker pops a tab of acid and shits in their opponent's kit bag, you'll read about it in our free weekly email.

It's a 3 minute rundown of the funniest stories in sport.

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More from @UpshotTowers

Mar 3
Shane Warne wasn't like other sportsmen.

A sex-mad cricketing genius, he once summed up his life: "I smoked, I drank, and I bowled a bit of leg spin. I don't have any regrets."

From sexting scandals to lasagne sandwiches, welcome to Warnie's World.
Shane Warne's eating habits were legendary.

He had lasagne sandwiches on Christmas Day, and took his own toaster to India so he could avoid the local cuisine.

On tour in 1998, 2,000 tins of baked beans arrived in a 3 ton crate stamped with the words "Shane Warne, India".
He once explained: "I reckon sitting in a restaurant is a waste of time, the same as cooking... Eat, go, party. I’m all about atmosphere and vibe.

"I like hot chips, pasta, pizza, white-bread cheese sandwiches and apples.

"If there’s an opposite to a foodie, I’m it."
Read 14 tweets
Mar 2
English football has seen some certified nutters down the years.

But none of them hold a candle to Gazza - the man was an absolute mentalist.

From feeding his mates cat shit to letting ostriches loose at training, welcome to the utterly unhinged world of Paul Gascoigne...
1985: Aged 17, a fresh-faced Gascoigne helps Newcastle beat Watford to lift the FA Youth Cup.

At full time, Watford chairman Elton John comes into the changing room to congratulate the team.

A bollock naked Gazza stands up in the bath chanting ‘Elton, give us a song!’
1987: Gazza hones his talent for pranks on his best mate, Jimmy Five Bellies.

One night, Jimmy stumbles home from the pub, and Paul hands him a piping hot mince pie.

Five Bellies wolfs it down, before a cackling Gascoigne reveals he’d filled the pie with cat shit.
Read 20 tweets
Feb 28
Gareth Southgate is heading for the cuddly status of Captain Tom and Paddington Bear.

There's even a play being made about him, charting his journey since the infamous Euro '96 penalty miss.

But there's one drunken tale from Gareth's youth we'd love to see recreated on stage... ImageImage
In an interview, Gareth's coach in the Crystal Palace youth team, Alan Smith, recalled a trip to Tuscany for a prestigious youth tournament.

After performing well in the competition, the youngsters were allowed a celebratory night out. Image
Gareth spent the night necking limoncello and tequila slammers with his teammates, before stumbling back to the hotel in the early hours.

In the lift up to his room, Southgate found himself with none other than Crystal Palace Chairman Ron Noades... ImageImage
Read 6 tweets
Feb 27
In the pantheon of Premier League madmen, Craig Bellamy ranks up with the best.

From assaulting coaches to abusing club legends, he was an absolute nutter.

But none of Craig’s feats compare to the revenge he took on John Arne Riise for missing Liverpool's Christmas party....
As early as his Newcastle days, Craig made his name as a maniac.

He once lobbed a chair at assistant manager John Carver when the coach confronted him over a parking space.

On another occasion, Craig turned his rage on Alan Shearer, sending him a string of abusive texts:
“Your legs have gone, you're too old and too slow. You couldn't even kiss my arse” he told the Newcastle legend.

He doubled down with a foul-mouthed voicemail tirade, branding Shearer “a fucking goody two shoes”.

Then there's his clash with Liverpool teammate John Arne Riise...
Read 10 tweets
Feb 24
Floyd Mayweather likes to claim he's "a billionaire".

The former boxing champ regularly poses with piles of cash like some favela drug lord. But the word on the street? It's fake.

In fact, we've uncovered a body of evidence that suggests Floyd isn't as rich as he seems...
Exhibit A: Floyd flogs video messages to fans for £41 a pop.

The boxer is a prolific user of the fan site Cameo, where he sells birthday wishes to strangers for a modest fee.

Sure, it's a nice little earner, but not what you'd expect from someone with a ten digit bank balance.
Exhibit B: He spends his days fighting Z-list Youtube morons for cash.

Tomorrow night, Floyd takes on Aaron Chalmers, who you may remember as the irritating sidekick from season 8 of Geordie Shore.

It follows up to his 2021 fight with insufferable Youtuber Logan Paul.
Read 9 tweets
Feb 23
You all know the legend of Italian nutcase Mario Balotelli. From lobbing darts at teammates to burning his own house down, the striker wreaks havoc wherever he goes.

But you haven't heard it all.

Buckle in for a full, manic rundown of Mario's truly chaotic career...
2006: The hell-raising begins at Serie C side Lumezanne, where a teenage Mario specialises in a particularly unsavoury prank:

"He would pee on our bags containing our clean clothes" recalled teammate Marco Pedretti.

"And he would pee on people too."
2007: Mario signs for Inter Milan, where he's managed by Jose Mourinho.

For a European tie, Balotelli is Inter's only fit striker. But he gets a first half booking, and Jose spends half time begging him to avoid a red.

“Minute 46 – red card.”

Jose brands Mario "unmanageable."
Read 17 tweets

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