Drink. Drugs. Explosive benders. And the inspiration for a rock band’s hit single.
Nope, it’s not an iconic supermodel, it’s a non-league footballer from west London.
From stripping in nightclubs to LSD before matches, meet Robin Friday, the original rock 'n' roll footballer...
Friday had been a van driver, plasterer, and professional thief before joining Hayes FC in the early 70s.
Months after signing, he had a near-fatal accident, impaling his arse on a spike after falling from scaffolding.
He hauled himself off, and was playing again in 3 months.
The striker became the club's star man, but off the pitch things weren’t so rosy.
Hayes once played a match with 10 men because Robin was still on a bender from the night before.
He turned up with 80 mins gone, stinking of piss and unable to run straight, and scored the winner.
Friday's form attracted 4th division Reading, who signed the striker in 1974.
But manager Charlie Hurley found himself constantly apologising for Friday's antics, even bailing him out of prison for dodging train fairs.
And soon, Friday was barred from most of Reading’s pubs...
In one incident he removed his coat in a nightclub, wearing nothing but a pair of cowboy boots underneath.
Another time, Friday unveiled 'the elephant’, a dance move which involved turning his pockets inside out, and flopping his sizeable schlong out of his flies as the trunk.
His furious gaffer enforced a new rule: Friday must stay sober for 48 hours before matches.
The player was surprisingly open to the new rule...
He just drank whiskey and took LSD every waking moment in between.
In 1976, Reading sold Friday to Cardiff City. Arsenal were interested, but his reputation put them off.
He turned in a top performance on his debut against Fulham, and even found time to squeeze England legend Bobby Moore’s bollocks while being marked by the World Cup winner.
Shortly after, while staying in a hotel, the Cardiff team were awoken in the night by deafening banging noises.
Friday was found on the hotel’s snooker table in his underpants, chucking the balls about the room.
Later that night, he turned up in the hotel bar with a swan.
In a match against Brighton, the striker was marked by Mark Lawrenson.
Friday got so frustrated that he kicked the defender in the face, and was sent off.
After marching down the tunnel, he broke into Brighton's dressing room, found Lawrenson’s kitbag, and took a shit in it.
Friday's Cardiff contract was cancelled, but his four short years in football left a lasting legacy.
In 1999, Friday was named Reading’s ‘Player of the Millennium’.
And Welsh rockers Super Furry Animals released a single in his honour: ‘The Man Don’t Give a Fuck’
The next time a maverick striker pops a tab of acid and shits in their opponent's kit bag, you'll read about it in our free weekly email.
It's a 3 minute rundown of the funniest stories in sport.
You all know the legend of Italian nutcase Mario Balotelli. From lobbing darts at teammates to burning his own house down, the striker wreaks havoc wherever he goes.
But you haven't heard it all.
Buckle in for a full, manic rundown of Mario's truly chaotic career...
2006: The hell-raising begins at Serie C side Lumezanne, where a teenage Mario specialises in a particularly unsavoury prank:
"He would pee on our bags containing our clean clothes" recalled teammate Marco Pedretti.
"And he would pee on people too."
2007: Mario signs for Inter Milan, where he's managed by Jose Mourinho.
For a European tie, Balotelli is Inter's only fit striker. But he gets a first half booking, and Jose spends half time begging him to avoid a red.