Thread by @pookleblinky

It may surprise people to learn that I am a twitter employee, I make $156,000 a year and have literally done nothing. Check deposits in my bank account, no one seems to know what my job is or who my boss is.

See, I got hired *during* the total chaos of twitter's transition.

The guy who hired me, and his boss, and the 3 departments above mine, literally vanished only days after I was hired.

They had enough time, obviously, to do some kind of paperwork, because I receive paychecks regularly.

But apparently not enough time for my existence to show up *anywhere else*

It's likely that *every single person who knows I am an employee, got fired or left*

The only thing that remembers me is some automated payroll processor tucked away in a basement or something.

So: I receive regular paychecks from twitter. I have zero access to any twitter internal comms, whoever was supposed to give em to me probably got fired just before they could.

I have no access to internal twitter comms, never did. No codebase access, the person in charge of giving it, and probably their entire department, are just gone.

Hell: I did not even get an orientation email or anything.

It's as if the very moment I was hired and and added to the books, every last person involved just got raptured away.

So I receive my twitter paycheck, thanks so some mindless payment processing system going brrr.

For all I know, the person whose job was to regularly look at it for things like this, got fired. Who knows how long my existence as a bug in the system will continue

Hell: for all I know, everyone who even knows about it, got fired.

It could actually *be* a forgotten server collecting dust in a room no one's even thought about in months.

So, thanks to this clusterfuck, I keep getting paychecks and twitter seems to keep having no idea I even exist.

The really funny thing is that I *did* spend about a month emailing trying to find out when I'd get access, who my boss is, what the fuck is going on.

No responses. They all were probably already gone.

Eventually I just accepted my new existence as a ghost haunting twitter.

Twitter is paying me $3,000 a week and it has *no idea*. Every single person who knew, is gone. Every single person who *could* find out, is gone.

So I collect my $3,000 a week and use it to as pure disposable income to buy things I've wanted but never had.

Got a kunekune pig and all the food it wants, a cool bike, more coffee and cigarettes than I can go through in a year, every video game I might ever want to play, etc

I spent one week's entire paycheck on an yngwie malmsteen stratocaster. Spent another entire paycheck buying 50 acres of land out in the middle of asscrack nowhere

Each week twitter pays me $3,000 to do nothing, and each week I find myself buying whatever I want.

Got a whole bunch of Eleiko weight plates *and* enough fancy wool socks that I will never ever run out of socks.

I mention this because I am curious whether, after seeing twitter's latest utter failure to function, anyone else is in the same position I am in.

Who else got hired an hour before everyone who knew they were hired, got fired?

I can't be the only ghost haunting twitter's payment processing. Someone else *has* to be doing the same thing I am, just going "hm, they still haven't hired anyone who knows that dusty rack even exists. Should I buy a kilo of truffles this week?"

People are going "why the hell are you talking about this publicly" but like you've seen how twitter functions, they couldn't do anything even if they wanted to.

Whoever's job it was is not only gone, but that job itself doesn't even exist there anymore.

And this week's pay just entered my bank account.

"why the fuck would you say this on twitter?!"

"Way to lose this windfall buddy"

"nice work screwing yourself out of $3,000 a week"

Told you all: elon can't fire me. He fired, or drove out, anyone who even could.

This week's pay, like every second paycheck so far, is going entirely toward charity and mutual aid btw.

"Well not anymore..."

Obviously not. He can't do shit, and everyone left is too busy dealing with the problems he himself creates to have time or energy to deal with figuring out how to fire me.

Some people are objecting to my having purchased 50 acres of land in Alaska. No, I'm not moving there, or doing anything with it. I donated that land to the Tlingit after I got it.

No, you won't be able to trace it based on just that. Let me keep *some* things secret, ffs.

Everyone's all "pookleblinky is literally the antichrist" and just fucking chill, I am not mr beast, I don't need a camera in my face and youtube monetization in order to do non-evil things.

Though, the evil things I do *do* require funding, like do you even know how expensive a Illumina Hiseq2500 Nextgen Gene Sequencer is?

Fucking expensive, but you can't do cool things with herpesviruses without one, buddy.