Thread by @juwonreports

There are lots of articles about the low birthrate in Korea. I will probably never have kids, and my reason is simple: I don’t want to go through what my parents went through. Like spending their salary on hagwon fees to nunchi game at work balancing long work hrs w child caring

They spent a good chunk of their salary on various hagwons. Was it bc they were tiger mom and dad? Maybe. But if you went thru a Korean educational system, it’s hard to deny the importance of hagwon in your child’s education. Hagwon fees will knock off 1/3 of your monthly salary

How about raising a kid (or two) while working? My mom said she couldn’t use leaves bc of nunchi and heavy workload. She also got off work at 9-11PM when she taught in high school so my grandma had to take care of me even tho she was over 70. I don’t want this for my mom.

Why don’t i hire a full-time nanny? First, it’s expensive. Second, someone I know was abused by their nanny so I am wary. Third, why have a kid in the first place if I can’t spend time w them? My work hours are okay for now. But what if my partner has long work hrs? (Very likely)

My dad, who was a civil servant, always came home at 11PM. He worked on the weekends. He once switched to a dept where he had pull an all nighter in exchange for 1.5-2 days off to spend more time w me. So this put more burden on my mom and grandma, women, for child caring.

Are ppl working less now? Perhaps yes compared to 20 yrs ago but that doesn’t mean we are moving towards the Scandinavian model. My friends working for chaebols often OT, and their long commute hours cut into their resting time. Avg commute time is 90 min in Seoul. We are tired.

Back then, parents had to take turn and help out w serving food during lunch hour in school. My mom and dad both couldn’t make it so they had to ask my grandma and cousins to come to my school for this mandatory function. Watching them scrambling, even as a kid, looked tiring.

So i got to middle school, and we moved to an area near good hagwon. The house was so small, like 13-pyung, a sacrifice necessary to access good education. Whenever my math tutor came, my mom roamed around outside for two hrs bc the house felt too small to fit all of us.

Did I like living in the cramped house just so I can go to good hagwons? Hell no, but it felt necessary at the time, and in hindsight, it made a lot of differences. But there were costs too. Everyone got so stressed and sensitive while living in that small house. We fought a lot.

Ppl might not understand why my parents (and other Korean parents) would sacrifice so much for a child’s education. But back then, at least compared to now, there were set formulas to success, and one of the most accessible ones was climbing the social ladder through education.

In an attempt to save education cost, my dad decided to tutor me on math which was not a good idea. I do not want to be tutoring my kids on my day off. I don’t know how they did it. My mom taught me English which led to fights. But can I just leave my future kid be free in Korea?

And going through the Korean school system is another story. I tweeted enough about school bullying already. Also, the system is notorious for its rigidness. I read a blog by a mom who drives her kids to hagwons in Daechi everyday. There are many moms who waste hrs just waiting.

But do I earn enough to send my kid(s) to international school? Nope. And even if they manage to get in, they will be faced w another set of peer pressure: classism starts early in Korea. My middle school classmates flipped my school uniform tag to see which brand I was wearing.

So congratulations if you got to this point. Now you have to turn off all the electronics in the house if ur kid is prepping for the college entrance exam. My bro prepped for this for two yrs and we had to whisper inside the house so he can ~concentrate~ A common story in Korea.

So I got a job right after college bc i was so, so determined to be financially independent from young age. My brother who went to a Korean school is now studying for a certificate exam while in college so he can apply for jobs. Another $$ out of my parents’ pocket. Inevitable.

Well, he could take on part time jobs. But it makes more sense for him to focus on the exam and pass the test so he can get a job asap. Korean companies like to hire fresh graduates and they don’t want someone beyond early 30s so his clock is ticking. Hence the parental support$

We are not finished yet! The avg apt in Seoul costs around $700,000. So after getting thru all the hurdles, you still need to save up for the overpriced Seoul apartment. Why can’t you rent? Bc property became an investment tool. And house is a huge plus in the marriage market.

My cousin, who is an accountant at a big firm, worked part time jobs to pay for her wedding bc the wedding fee is so high in Korea (despite the prevalence of factory-style wedding). On top of saving up for a house, one gotta hv a decent wedding to save face in this stuffy culture

Congratulations if u made it this far. My cousin’s rich friends who had babies decided to stay in a very high-end postpartum care center (one used by actor Ko So-young). They alr call their infants “조리원 동기,” or alumni of the center and plan to send them to same elite schools

As I watch from afar how social classes are reproduced from a freaking postpartum care center, my patience with this society is slowly melting. I don’t make long-term plans bc I am not particularly hopeful about..anything.

I am not saying all korean adults don’t want kids. Many do, actually. But from my observations, the ones getting married and having kids at my age are those w parental support- financially and in terms of child caring. Remaining young adults don’t have time or money or both.

Basically, i am tired. I have been tired for a long time. Writing this thread and recounting my childhood experiences made me tired again. So many emotional and financial sacrifices and tears shed, just to bring up and educate two kids in Korea. I cannot do it. I won’t. No kid!

I can confidently say my parents sacrificed their entire 30 to 50s for my upbringing and education. I feel guilty all the time. They recently started exploring different hobbies. My mom is learning how to ride a bicycle. My dad is into tennis and gardening. But all those lost yrs

Experiences vary in different social classes and backgrounds. Mine would be a story of one middle class family that exhausted their entire means to educate their children for the better future. My mom often said “don’t live like me.” I always looked away, confused yet determined.

I studied TOEFL when i was 12. I was taught college level english lit at a hagwon when i was in middle school. Was it bc i am a genius? No. Everyone wanna outpace each other and even if you don’t want to be part of this, you will inevitably feel the anxiety of lagging behind.

There are some gyopos who seamlessly picked up english from their bilingual parents. But that’s not common (common on this platform, but not in reality). The length my parents and I went to make me bilingual…all the money, time and efforts, I can’t do that to my child. It’s hard

And that’s just english! You gotta be good at multiple subjects to excel in Korean school. My generation remembers how our names were ranked on the blackboard based on our test scores. Humiliation and the breach of privacy didn’t matter back then. Generational trauma.

I can name dozens of reasons why I won’t be having kids in Korea but stopping here for now as it’s late in Seoul. Thanks for reading, and empathizing.

A lot of western media reports focus on misogyny and gender inequality when covering the low birthrate issue. Yes, they are valid reasons but they don’t fully explain the phenomenon. Systematic inequality, labor condition and housing cost need to be addressed more in my opinion.

Anecdotally, no one around me is saying “oh, I won’t have kids in Korea bc of misogyny” (except for some activists). Yes, that is on our mind and we are not disregarding that fact. But people are more worried about bread and butter issue.

Ppl in my generation (or at least myself) believed in the older generation’s promises that things will turn out okay if we follow certain paths and formulas, and to certain extent, I did believe in this, until i realized i can’t even afford jeonse deposit w/o my parents’ support.

Since my parents spent almost their entire income on my education, they never owned a house until 3-4 yrs ago. We moved over 20 times over the course of three decades. Many S Korean parents chose education over a house. The issue is many didn’t save up enough for their retirement

Luckily, my parents are beneficiaries of the gov pension (this was prob their insurance when they spent all their income on my education). My friends say I am lucky bc I don’t have to worry about looking after my parents financially bc they have to. Another reason for no kid❌

I can go on forever but ending this long thread by highlighting that I’d say I am pretty privileged compared to the majority of young Koreans bc now I have a steady and decent income, my folks lived in Seoul hence the access to good education, etc. just fyi for perspective. /end/