Thread by @unicornflowerss

#sakuatsu hurt/comfort | long distance

atsumu doesn’t sound right when he cries - and truly cries. not when cries at the sappiest scene in a romance movie or cries at his brother’s wedding.

when he cries because kiyoomi made him cry. that’s when the doesn’t +

sound like himself.

that’s when kiyoomi has to turn the volume down on his phone for a moment because atsumu’s tinny sobs filtered through the static of the phone feel like someone’s digging a knife under his ribs.

“i can’t…” he tries when the sobs turn to +

dry sniffles, the words harder to say than he’d thought they would be. “i can’t do this, tsumu.”

can’t do what? he doesn’t know. can’t do mismatched schedules and always feeling a bit too far away. can’t do seeing atsumu post pictures with the jackals, leaving kiyoomi +

feeling smaller than ever, sitting alone on his bed in his dorm.

he can’t do the inevitability that atsumu will find someone better, someone sweeter, someone who can touch him instead of call him from hours away, and leave kiyoomi behind.

he would rather not +

do anything at all.

sometimes trying is pointless.

“what the fuck d’ya mean ya can’t do this?” atsumu’s voice is wrecked, dry and heaving from his lungs with heavy breaths weighed down by tears.

“i mean i can’t-“ kiyoomi squeezes his eyes shut only to feel +

tears roll down his cheeks despite his attempts to stop them. “i can’t be with you like this anymore. i can’t keep being so far away from you-“

“ya said ya’d work with me,” atsumu says, angry. kiyoomi gets it. “ya said we’d work together, ya promised me omi.” +

but it’s not about that.

it’s about how he misses atsumu every day. it’s about how he dreads looking at the clock and realizing he has to hang up the phone soon so atsumu can sleep. it’s about how he misses atsumu even when he’s with him, how he can’t stop thinking +

about how limited their time is, counting down the seconds until he thinks he might go insane.

it’s about how atsumu makes him so happy that he makes him sad.

“sometimes-“ he starts but tears choke up in his throat, cutting him short. he puts a hand over his eyes +

but it doesn’t lessen the shame of breaking down. it’s hardly fair to atsumu, him playing the victim when he’s the one hurting. so he picks up and regathers himself. “sometimes we just have to be realistic about things.”

a pause. a static silence that makes kiyoomi’s +

stomach churn with dread - this is what he wanted, he reminds himself when it becomes so heavy that he thinks his lungs may cave in, breaths so dragging they feel weighed down by chains.

only for atsumu to whisper, “realistic?”

yes. realistic because +

sometimes people don’t stay together forever no matter how much they love each other.

“sometimes the right people find each other at the wrong time-“

“bullshit.” is the response he recieves. it slices through the silence of his darkened dorm room +

like a bullet aimed straight at his heart.

“w- what?”

“i said that’s bullshit omi!” atsumu’s voice is clear now, rough with the memory of tears but strong. “i don’t believe in right person wrong time, that’s fuckin’ bullshit. if it’s the right person yuh’ll +

make it the right time. it’ll be the right time.”

atsumu takes in a breath then that segues into a sob, and they’re both hurtling over the edge of tears. kiyoomi’s shoulders shake, the cracking of his heart hurting too much for him to hold them in anymore. +

then atsumu says, “so tell me i’m not right fer ya.”

and…and kiyoomi can’t.

no one has ever been right for kiyoomi. no one has ever loved him so unconditionally. no one has ever offered him love so freely without expectation of a reward. no one has ever made +

him feel so good about himself, so happy to wake up in the morning.

even when it hurts, no one has ever healed his heart so well after the fall out.

“i can’t.” he admits too easily.

atsumu laughs in the next moment, a wet, choked sound that startles them both. +

and yet it makes kiyoomi smile. his tears drip onto his lips and fall salty against his tongue, but he doesn’t even care.

he can’t help but smile when atsumu laughs, even if it’s a ludicrous time to do so.

“good. fuckin’ good,” atsumu nearly gasps. “then don’t +

give up on me yet, yeah?”

kiyoomi wants to - or he wishes he wanted to. he wishes he could go back to the version of himself that woudlve sent atsumu a curt breakup text then turned off his phone and called it a night.

but he can’t. +

“okay,” he says, heart bleeding yet bouyant with relief. “okay i won’t.”

he can hear atsumu’s smile through the phone when he says, “good, ‘cause yer my right person, omi.”

and oh, kiyoomi loves him.

“you’re my right person too.”

fin.

had one thought today and it was this.