Thread by @KyleJamesHoward

(1) PSA
:::Takes deep breath::
Several years ago, after experiencing severe abuse, I promised myself I’d never again keep other people’s secret of how they’ve treated me. This promise especially applied to how I was treated by White people. I spoke abt it.
kylejhoward.com/blog/keeping-a…

(2) I am sharing what I’m about to share b/c I wanna close this chapter & move on, & I do not want to carry the burden of keeping this to myself any longer, especially in light of the fact that I know this info will be weaponized against me if I remain silent.

(3) It’s funny tho, cuz a large segment of White survivor community has me already feeling anxious in this whole thing b/c they’ve already made it abundantly clear “their people” are off limits & if you speak about “their people” they will come for you. Just like Evangelicalism.

(4) This will be my final statement about this situation, and then I am moving on.

Several months ago I spoke up about my first hand experience with a non-profit organization that postures itself as a Care & advocacy resource for church abuse survivors, called Sacred Wilderness.

(5) I was good friends with the founder, was on their podcast where they prized my character & work, and in the past I even helped them work thru public conflict. Thru providence, counselees I has been helping work thru church abuse confided in me abt current pace of employment.

(6) Their place of employment was this org, they sent me non-confidential emails b/t them & employer & it was deeply concerning. I reached out as friend to try & help resolve b4 things escalated & that’s when mistreatment towards me & retaliation towards employees occurred.

(7) @StephDenzer & @MattDenzer have since spoken up for themselves due to indifference of the White survivor community towards those w/o a following so you can go view their accounts for more details. I spoke up after a month of watching founder pretend nothing was happening.

(8) After over a month of pretending all was good, and they were elite in advocacy, & building platform while employees languished, w/ employee permission I spoke…. And I was vilified for it. Org lied & it’s supporters went after my character, credibility, & my work. Update:

(9) The White survivor community invested said they’d essentially ignore the cries of the victims in this situation & “wait for the facts”. The facts the; wait for would come w/ an informed ent 3rd party investigation (all I was wanting, tbh).

That isn’t happening.

(10) This org unilaterally hired a man (Wade Mullen) w/o any feedback. In selection from employees. Wade has not been hired to do an investigation, but hired by org to do a mere organizational assessment in which they will receive only copy of, victims will not receive copy.

(11) Wade Mullen is very well respected with White survivor community & has released a book called “Something’s not Right” about abuse in organizational management, I know him by reputation, but I will say this; based on reputation, this has been surreal.

(12) Wade asked to speak to me as part of his “organizational assessment” (again, not investigation). I shared concerns with Wade regarding the ethics of doing this while hired unilaterally by SW & refusing to give employees copy, trusting SW who has publicly lied w/ only copy…

(13) No hearsay, this was the exchange. First is his, then me, his final reply.

Notice how he refused to acknowledge he was hired by Sacred Wilderness. More importantly, notice how he refused to give me even reassurance that my words wouldn’t be weaponized against survivors.

(14) Wade asked me to sign a contract whereby I would be signing over the rights of an interview recording of myself to him & Sacred Wilderness (an org that has publicly misrepresented/lied about me & has encouraged its supporters to spread false info about me). I’m not a fool.

(15) Whatever comes out regarding organizational assessment Wade is doing, and whatever is said about me for refusing to be a part of it, you have your answer in email above as to the real reason why. I am an abuse survivor advocate & this process serves those accused of abuse.

(16) The Denzers have the power to choose to be a part of the process or not, but I have chosen not to be simply b/c I could not be given any reassurance that they’d be honored & would matter in the process. I have encouraged them not to be as well, for their own protection.

(17) So again, whether it’s of me or them, if you hear we weren’t a part of process cuz we were lying or whatever accusations arise, that isn’t the truth. It’s b/c this situation mirrors what we have all experienced in the abusive churches we have fled. I won’t be party to that.

(18) To the White survivor community, this situation has changed the way I relate to you. I love you all, but your community isn’t safe. I was caring for & protecting members of your community & was devoured for it… by many of you.

I will never stop caring for & advocating.

(19) Your leaders/experts move just like the men who led the spaces my family fled in order to survive. Call me whatever names you want, rub my reputation in the mud, I stand w/ a clear conscience & my work speaks itself among those I’ve cared for. I’m content w/ that.

(20) finally, I just wanna say, I am who I am. I have always sought to be exactly who I have said I am, and it is that consistency that produced this as well as the original call out. I’ve said my piece, my hands are washed, I’m moving on, back to my work of soul care. ✌🏽❤️

(21) I know some of you would’ve preferred I just sat on all this for months & just wait to see how things turn out, but that is a burden/yoke I refuse to carry. I won’t ever be caged again, I’m free. To remain free, I won’t be carrying “secrets” that serve as mental cages.

(22) also, The Denzers deserve better.

(23) The amount of people, survivor advocates even, who are acting like it is totally reasonable & okay for me to be asked to sign a contract to be interviewed & recorded by person paid by people who’ve publicly lied about me w/o even reassurance my words wouldn’t be twisted to… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

(24) One last point, I support folks waiting for whatever assessment comes. I’m not expecting nor asking for anyone to come to a conclusion based on thread above. All I’ve simply done is shared why I chose not to participate in process, & what process actually is. That’s all.