Our spiritual needs are almost completely ignored in our society.
7 Core Spiritual Needs:
1. To Belong: we need to belong to something greater than ourselves. We need to find community, people who resonate with us, and we need to feel as though what we bring to other matters.
2. Authentic Expression: the ability to fully be ourselves and speak our truths. We need to feel that we don't have to self censor or mask who we are, what we think, and what we feel.
3. Purpose: we need to feel as though we're doing something that contributes to the greater good. This can be parenting, serving others, being a part of a team, or anything else where we have a hand in making life better for those around us.
4. Freedom: free will. An ability to choose for ourselves that leads to overall confidence, self trust, and autonomy. Humans feel most spiritually bankrupt when they lack choice.
5. Meaning: life has much suffering and joy. Our brain is a natural storyteller that is always creating meaning around events for a reason. We need meaning to know that our suffering isn't in vein and is instead something we can grow from.
6. To Love and Be Loved: love is the truth of who we are. We need to love others, love ourselves, and we need to be loved. This is our natural state of mutual giving, sharing, and accepting.
Years ago, I noticed a pattern in all my clients with anxiety and depression: they lacked meaning, purpose and connection. We expect humans to be machines that work, pay bills, then die. This goes against human nature.
We are: mind, body, and soul.
When our spiritual needs aren't met, we go into survival mode.
We're meant to thrive, not just survive.
We're meant to use our gifts.
We're meant to provide value to others.
If this resonates, please share your experience in the comments.
If you're always comparing yourself to others, competing for your parents attention, or feeling not good enough: you might have a sibling wound.
THIS MEANS:
A sibling wound can develop when:
- a parent clearly favors one child
- you unconsciously needed to compete with a parent's attention
- a parent triangulates (puts children against each other)
- siblings are parentified (made to be parents to each other)
- standards and rules are different for each child
- a sibling connected with a parent and another didn't
- one sibling had a serious health issue
- one sibling was highly sensitive or had a big personality that took up all the parents energy
1. Pushback: people without clear boundaries can take them a personal attack or feel as though they're a punishment of some kind. That's ok, boundaries are for you.
2. People Might Not Honor Them: when people don't honor your boundaries, follow through with your own word. This might mean not answering the phone, removing yourself, or not engaging.
Let's Talk About Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) & How it Impacts our Adult Relationships:
Childhood Emotional Neglect is when parent figures don't meet their children's emotional needs a majority of the time.
This can be because the parent is overwhelmed, overworked, dissociated, distant or shutdown, and/or unaware that a child has their own emotional needs.
They have very little (if any) emotional interaction with their children.
The black sheep of the family is often seen as a threat or the outcast.
But, the black sheep is usually the one to break the cycle.
Here's Why:
If you're the black sheep you may have been noticeably different from a young age. This difference was not seen as something good or unique. You might have been shamed, mocked, or ignored. Since you can remember, you felt like didn't belong.
In healthy families, differences are honored and nourished. Each person has an overall sense of belonging.
When we're stuck in life, it's usually us getting in our own way.
Here's Why:
One of the most common experiences people have is feeling stuck. This is because human beings live in patterns that we repeat every day, unconsciously.
Patterns are recurrent ways of behaving. You'll notice you can predict how the people closest to you will react to situations. You're aware of their patterns.
You can think of patterns as: 1. A series of habits 2. Coping Mechanisms 3. Core Beliefs
When we're stuck in autopilot, emotions run our lives.
How To Take Control Of Your Life:
Emotions are internal experiences we have based on what's going on externally. We learn emotional states through our upbringing. You'll notice patterns within your family of how people cope with stressful emotions.
Ex: Your father avoids his problems. This keeps him stuck in a cycle where nothing changes in his life, but he's under chronic financial/emotional/marital stress.