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Recounts the story of "David" who grew up with alcoholic/hoarder parents. He grew up in madness. He was full of anxiety about fires, collapse, monsters. He was constantly alert. Spent his entire life trying to ward off disaster. He's full of what @jburgo55 calls "core shame" 2/
David felt repulsive and ugly, a dumpster kid. Was able to fit in with others by observing them closely. When he first started watching porn, he found that degradation attracted him most. Couldn't identify with the men in the videos. 3/
He liked videos of humiliation, visited prostitutes to act out humiliation fantasies, loved to be a degraded man in female garb and "treated like a bitch" by a dominatrix. How did this core shame get welded into sexual arousal, @jburgo55 says he's not sure but ... 4/
...in David's case, he thinks he was turning the thing that caused him the most pain into pleasure. Doesn't think "erotic target location error" explains anything. He doesn't agree that it's narcissism. Decay, degradation are themes in the boys he has seen with AGP. 5/
Another patient projected a very confident self-image that hid his desolation and the feeling that he was defective, a narcissistic defence. Couldn't stop masturbating. He felt repulsive and @jburgo55 suggested his feeling of repulsion was fuelling his transition. 6/
Men who masturbate for hours in front of their computer every night evoke disgust, rarely sympathy. But these men are so lonely and miserable. AGP is a powerful drug. They have nothing to comfort them but porn. 7/
Third case study is a social justice-type. Hates that men are considered predatory, hates being big. Loves to dress in women's clothes. He connects with middle-aged men online and dresses up for them, performs for them. It was his most powerful antidepressant," says @jburgo55 8/
He, and many others, believe that once he becomes a woman he will be released from the shame and pain and self-loathing. 9/ #GenspectBiggerPicture
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