it’s like, if wong kar wai met dorohedoro, as far as aesthetics are going
*holds head in hands* can’t believe I was obsessed with monet and impressionists as a child and now my aesthetics are just evolved forms of impressionism, what is a wong kar-wai film but thousands of frames capturing light and movement as Vibe
my stories often grow out of single powerful images, yet at the same time I don’t actually “see” any images (I’m probably some degree of aphantasic), so it’s like, every act of writing is translation and impressionism for me
mandala mode on yi jing app is fantastic, me just giggling because of course the trigrams are a mountain and a lake, then being like “…well, fuck” when I get to the future change and am like “GUESS I’M WRITING THIS SCENE FIRST” #RazingBabel
pulling up omniglot for placeholder phrases but honestly “one language is never enough” is an excellent line for this scene
using the empress’s ink to fuck with the sigil she came up with?? HELL YEA TELL ME MORE, BRAIN #RazingBabel
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when you’ve been dealing with brain fog and fatigue for basically ever due to ADHD and suddenly everyone starts experiencing brain fog due to COVID and you’re just like… ah… welcome… here are my maps and signposts and toolkit, there are ways to navigate through fog
first rule of driving thru meteorological fog is to never use your high beams, the assumption is shining brighter will make things more visible but it backfires, the fog scatters the light worse
same with brain fog, you don’t try to work extra hard to compensate, it backfires
you just accept the fog is happening and allow yourself to proceed with caution and eventually landmarks will become visible, and you use a map to help yourself put together the landmarks instead of expecting yourself to be able to synthesize it all as usual
do a feminist revision of confucius, call it cuntfucius
孔子? more like 屄子
(the explainer: 孔子 ‘Confucius’, where 孔 is ‘hole, cave’; 屄子 ‘Cuntfucius’, where 屄 ‘cunt’ [obscene form] is 尸 ‘body’ + 穴 ‘cave’… so it works in both languages, plus, 面孔 ‘faceholes’ is how you say ‘face, expression’ so clearly there is also a facesitting joke here too)
every day I tell myself that no matter how imperfect my chinese is, I am still living proof that it’s possible to recover language that assimilation would try to make me lose
you can’t recover language and culture by being prescriptive about what either is… you have to treat it as living, evolving, each variation not a deficient form, but a new iteration extending the life cycle of that culture
not “chinese americans have less authentic versions of chinese culture”
but “chinese americans have american forms of chinese cultures and chinese forms of american cultures”
step 2: now chinese customers wait extra so I can help them and I have to speak more chinese
step 3: wonder why it’s becoming easier to speak chinese while still reviewing all the mistakes I made and feeling inadequate
monolinguals at my work seem to just get impatient and condescending when someone’s english is more limited and meanwhile I’m like, determining from two words of english whether to switch into spanish or chinese or maintain english as lingua franca
also, even if you’re a monolingual english speaker, there are ways to accommodate limited english without being condescending af… it’s mostly a matter of thinking of language barriers as accessibility issues and accommodating accordingly
should I go to the nebulas? (I would be hanging out in the lobby, registration to actually participate is too expensive)
currently the options are “maybe people want to see me? but I don’t want to go if no one explicitly says so” vs. “go assuming that someone wants to see me, probably end up leaving because I’m having panic attacks if certain people show up”
the possibility that more people want to see me than not and that no one who would give me a panic attack would show up is out of my range of comprehension right now
every day it blows my mind that not everyone immediately goes into intervention/witness mode whenever seeing like… anything
today at the park a teenager was skateboarding and after several rounds of me about to have a heart attack over him skating into the street I was like “hey you should skate further up, the cars turning this way can’t see you when you come down” instead of just saying nothing
one time without even thinking I put myself between victim and attacker in a fight I literally walked into and only later realized others were watching and did nothing, and I immediately did a U-turn to go help when I saw a bicyclist get hit while a busy street of cars zoomed by