Thread by @bingjiuwus

#liujiu, Bai Zhan SJ AU EXTRA 1 (nsfw, maybe):

"You know you don't have to do this."

https://twitter.com/bingjiuwus/status/1651474396039753729

That was the first thing Liu Qingge said to Shen Jiu after they landed at their destination.

They'd spent two days of flying over plains and rivers and forests to arrive at the valley where the Ba Qi Sect was located.

Qiu Haitang's sect.

SJ heard the concern in his husband's voice loud and clear and squeezed his hand. "I know, Qingge."

"You don't owe anything to that woman," LQG said, not letting go of him as they waited for the sect's gates to open up for them. "So if you feel in debt to her just because she was nice to you as a kid, then forget it - "

"Not a debt. Not guilt either," SJ assured him. Honestly, where had this gallant defender been all his life? "I just want to resolve a few things."

"Sure," LQG grumbled under his breath, but said no more after that.

It didn't take long before the wooden gates creaked open and cultivators in burgundy robes hurried towards them to salute them, hands shaking as they did. "Peak Lord Liu! Shen-xiansheng! Forgive us for not welcoming you right away!"

"It's fine." SJ smiled. "Please don't stand on ceremony for us; we just came to see Master Hu for a personal matter and we'll be on our way."

"Of course, xiansheng! It would be our honour!"

They were quickly ushered inside, and SJ took his time looking around the sect grounds.

Ba Qi was a modest sect and it showed, in the small wooden buildings with largely thatched roofs and people about in disparate and varied clothes, far from the uniform appearance of most sects. It looked less like a sect of cultivators and more like a walled village.

But that didn't have to be a bad thing. A pair of girls were chatting as they swept away the rich autumn leaves off the stone walkways;

a young man was carrying a basket full of bamboo shoots as he followed an elderly hunched-over woman to a corner and they disappeared between the buildings.

SJ looked into an open courtyard as they walked past, and saw another person in burgundy robes speaking seriously to five small children in matching brown robes; junior disciples, perhaps. They certainly looked young enough.

Eventually their guides stopped in front of a small courtyard where Master Hu was waiting for them.

It had been a month since their last unfortunate meeting, and the man looked wan and tired, even when he greeted them and sank into an impossibly deep bow, far more than they deserved as his juniors, even despite the gulf in strength between their sects.

"Master Hu," SJ said, saluting him respectfully. "Thank you for allowing us to come today."

Master Hu shook his head. "Shen-qianbei has a kind and generous nature. I am more than grateful for anything he is willing to do to clear this heart demon in my disciple's heart." He smiled, shadows under his eyes. The past month must have been an ordeal for him as well.

SJ didn't know if anyone could do that. But he nodded, and Master Hu led him towards a room in his courtyard, and rapped on the door. "Haitang, you have a guest," he said in a soft voice.

There was no answer from inside. Master Hu stepped aside to let SJ enter.

"Wait - " said LQG from behind him.

SJ turned his head and gave him a smile he hoped was reassuring. "I'll be _fine_, Qingge," he said. "Just... keep an eye out for me, hm?"

His husband reached out and touched his cheek. "... just shout for me if something goes wrong," he muttered.

SJ grinned; of course he would.

Nerves mostly eased, LQG stepped back, and SJ opened the door and went in.

*

Her back was to him when he entered the room.

Qiu Haitang sat still as a doll in her chair, nothing on the table in front of her. SJ approached, then stopped before he came too close.

"Hello, Haitang," he said.

She didn't turn towards him, though her back flinched. Her hair was unruly and loose, down to her waist, and she only in white inner robes, a far cry from either the burgundy or brown of her sectmates.

"We didn't get a chance to say anything the last time we saw each other," SJ continued. "And I don't know if we'll see each other again, so I figured I might as well say now what I've felt for a long time before it's too late.

"Haitang, I don't blame you for what happened back then."

Her back trembled. Good, she was listening. SJ swallowed, then went on.

"Those years were hell on earth for me. You saw what I went through, so I won't repeat them. Only that... the few moments we spent together was the only time anyone was good to me. You were good to me, even if you didn't know what I was going through. I want you to remember that.

Whatever your brother did, it has nothing to do with you."

"How can it not?"

A thin, reedy voice spoke at last, and QHT slowly turned to face SJ, pale and ashen and considerably underweight since the last time he'd seen her.

"Everything my brother did was to make me happy," QHT whispered. "And you say what he did had nothing to me? Why are you lying?" A tear trickled down a gaunt cheek. "Are you saying he would have treated you like that if I'd never been around?"

"Yes," SJ said. "Qiu Jianluo was a sick and twisted man who tormented me from the day he got his hands on me. The only thing that would have changed if you hadn't been around, Haitang, was that he would have probably broken my neck a long time ago."

She flinched, but it was the truth. QJL had only ever restrained his violence, his perversions on SJ because QHT might ask questions if her beloved Xiao Jiu had inexplicable bruises on his face and a mouth that looked like it had been chewed through by animals.

QJL had never beat him on the days SJ had stuck to QHT like glue, even if he seethed over it, even if he made him pay for it later.

Amidst three years in hell, this naive, spoiled little rich girl had been a slave boy's buoy in rough waters, the only place he could lie down and have a peaceful sleep next to.

And even now, he understood... she had just been a child herself, and so unknowing of the gilded prison her own elder brother had wanted to cage her in for the rest of her life. She would have never been allowed to walk in polite society having married a slave, that was for sure.

(He never regretted letting her live, even if Wu Yanzi called him a sentimental fool for it; it would bite him back in the future, the old bastard warned SJ, and kept an extra-vigilant eye for any further signs of weakness in his wayward pupil.)

"I'll never regret killing him," SJ said. "Nor how the fire went down. Not really. I would have gone mad eventually; if not that night, then later on. But..." He hesitated. "I'm sorry you had to suffer."

"Why?"

SJ blinked in surprise. QHT stared at him with large empty eyes.

"Why do you feel sorry for me?" she whispered, fingers laced tightly together, her nails so short they had been bitten down to the bud. "Don't you hate me? Aren't you angry at me? Disgusted about how stupid I was?" She screwed her eyes shut and shuddered.

"For _years_ I thought you were just an ungrateful dog who bit the hand that fed him, that you killed my brother and ruined my life for nothing. I burned so much incense for A'Luo over the years, wishing he would come back to me..." Tears dripped down her face.

"Instead, I should have been cursing his name and begging for your forgiveness all along. Why... why didn't you kill me too back then... why this...

"It - it would have been just," QHT said, hands shaking in her lap. "If you'd killed me too, and wiped out my family's wretched name off the earth. Then maybe we could be free of a sin a dozen lifetimes from now, and learn to be better people..."

SJ shook his head. "I killed the people who hurt me," he said. "You never did, Haitang. That's why."

"Until your wedding," she said with a sob. "I ruined that for you, didn't I? It should have been the best day of your life, but instead..."

"It was," SJ said.

QHT hiccuped, shaking her head in disbelief. SJ smiled. "I got married to the love of my life, and we drank our wedding wine together," he said. "The night before, A'Niang combed out my hair and blessed me. I have a mother now, Haitang. I never thought I could be so lucky."

"Not - not luck." QHT rubbed at her red eyes with her sleeve. "Hard work. You worked so hard to get where you are now, and me... I don't even know if I'll be allowed in the sect anymore after this."

Master Hu was a decent man; SJ doubted he would let his disciple get expelled without a fight. "You'll be alright," he said.

"You don't _know_ that - "

"Of course I don't." SJ shrugged. "But Haitang, your life isn't over. You were able to join a sect, which means you have good meridians and determination.

You have a good teacher too, one who pleaded mercy for you in front of the leaders of the great sects without care for his own reputation. You have people who care about you and want you to lift your head. You're not alone anymore."

"I just..." QHT blinked, looking away with glassy eyes. "Don't know if I can face people again after the mess I made... what I said about you in front of so many people. That's what everyone's going to think about when they see me, won't they?

Just a deranged madwoman who tries to cause trouble wherever she goes and doesn't know anything she's talking about." She laughed wetly. "That's me."

"So do something until you're known for something else," SJ said. "Go on missions and help people, no matter how small the problem; Qingge and I did that for a whole summer and we even managed to help Palace Master Su out of it."

"Yes!" QHT cried. "That's you! You did that because you're _kind_, Shen Jiu, because you're better than me!"

"Am I?" he asked, intensely amused.

"Yes! You save people, you saved _me_ even though you had every right to hate me for being an ignorant brat. Even now you came all this way to talk to me even though I don't deserve it." She wrapped thin arms around herself, shuddering.

"I'm not that good, Shen Jiu. I couldn't be, even if I was in your shoes. I think I would just be angry forever, and so bitter..."

"That would make two of us, then." SJ sighed. "Haitang, I _was_ angry for a long time. I was heartbroken and miserable and alone. If you'd told me only a few years ago that I was a kind person, I would have laughed in your face. Nothing about the person I am now came easy to me.

"And I didn't know when I started on my journey where I would end up either. I just... knew that I didn't want to be angry anymore. Didn't want to to go to sleep every night with a heavy heart and wake up wishing I was anywhere but here and anyone but myself."

"I... I want that too." QHT wet her lips. "I just... don't know how to get there. Or how long it'll take... until I stop hating myself for not being able to see the truth back then."

SJ smiled wanly. "I don't know either," he said gently. "But Haitang, so long as you're willing to try, the world is open to you. Believe me when I say your past doesn't have to be your future. _You can leave it behind_, I promise."

"I," QHT swallowed. "Don't know if I can... what can I even do right now..."

"You can go outside," SJ told her, "and have tea with your teacher, and let him know you're alright."

"And if I'm not?" QHT trembled. "Then what?"

"Then you're not alright," SJ said. "But maybe one day, you can be."

"... yeah," she said in a small voice, wiping at her eyes. "Maybe."

*

(tbc, just wanted to start here for now!! The first extra begins now, hurrah! Don't worry, despite this sombre first section most of it will be pretty silly haha. Thanks for reading, time to sleep!)

*

The moment SJ stepped out again, LQG hurried to his side and squeezed his arm in silent concern - not that he had to worry. SJ pecked him on the cheek anyway for being so cute. "It's okay, nothing happened."

"Hm," LQG said, lip twitching in relief. "If you say so."

"Yeah," SJ huffed. What a worrywart!

Husband by his side, he turned to Master Hu. "I've said what I could. The rest is up to Haitang."

"It's more than I could have ever asked for." The immortal bowed in thanks. "Shen-xiansheng has the heart of a bodhisattva."

"In a few more hundred years, perhaps," SJ said wryly. "For now, my husband and I have to return to our sect. Apologies that we can't stay longer."

"It's nothing. Please be off safely," Master Hu said.

"We will." SJ cleared his throat, reaching inside his sleeve.

"Please accept this on Cang Qiong's behalf, Master Hu."

The cultivator took the gift SJ passed him - a book, eyes narrowing to read the title - then widening in disbelief.

"The Charm Compendium," Master Hu said, stunned. "Shen-xiansheng, this is too much..."

It wasn't, actually. SJ had scribed a copy for his mother-in-law a few years ago, and Cang Qiong had dozens of copies alone in its various libraries. "Please accept it as a gesture of good will, Master Hu," he said.

"And show it around, perhaps, so no one thinks there is any bad blood between our sects."

"Oh - oh, of course." The man's nerves settled down once he realised what SJ meant. Ba Qi was a tiny sect compared to Cang Qiong and who knew how the rest of the jianghu would treat it

after one of its disciples had made such a scene at the wedding of the heir of the Liu clan (and a Peak Lord to boot!).

News would certainly get out soon that the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and his husband, the one so viciously and falsely slandered a month ago had visited Ba Qi, and left right after; no doubt to demand restitution or the sect's dissolution entirely, the grape vine would whisper.

The Charm Compendium, which was widely coveted in the jianghu as all sources of true knowledge were, being in Ba Qi's hands - and Master Hu letting it be known that SJ had gifted it to him personally -

would indicate to everyone else that bygones were bygones, and Ba Qi did not need to fear reprisal from Cang Qiong nor any of its allies.

Master Hu bid them farewell with profuse thanks, and they were soon aloft again, this time deciding to take off in the courtyard instead of heading out of the sect first.

SJ couldn't be entirely sure - LQG was a quick flier, and he had to be just as quick to catch up - but he thought QHT might have come out of her room to watch him leave. There was definitely someone standing next to Master Hu, in any case.

He didn't know if he would ever see her again; the world was vast, and the years could go by in a blink.

Even so, he hoped she would find peace one day.

He knew he had.

*

"This seems like a good place to stop for the night."

SJ's energy had flagged during the flight once it became evening, and LQG slowed his pace and led him downwards until they landed in front of a inn, welcoming them with a bright red lantern and warm light and laughter through the paper windows.

For once, SJ was glad to stay quiet and let his husband do the talking and ordering for them; he just held onto LQG's arm and yawned during the entire process.

They were soon escorted to their suite, a lavish and surprisingly tasteful set of rooms at the back of the inn; the place was bigger than it looked. SJ even whistled when he opened the partitions and saw their suite stepped out into a private garden and their very own hot spring.

"This is amazing," he marvelled, _just_ what his creaky bones needed for the night. "Qingge, how did you find this place just from looking overhead!"

"Saw the steam too, didn't you?" LQG said, looping arms around SJ's waist and enjoying the view alongside him.

"Hmm. Could be," SJ said, leaning back into his embrace. "Or perhaps my brilliant husband did some research before we left on our trip, no?"

LQG pinked, but refused to change his expression otherwise. "We always go on a little detour when we're done with a mission," he said.

"Don't know why that has to change now."

"You're so right," SJ laughed. "We have all the time to do stuff like this from now on."

"Exactly," LQG said, and grinned.

*

Dinner was a lavish spread featuring roast duck and deer tendon hotpot, but they were both so eager to get into the hot spring they scarfed down the bare minimum before hurrying for the _real_ main event of the night.

LQG stripped to nothing in a flash and entered the water first, while SJ followed behind in his inner robe, bare feet cool against the stone path leading him to the hot spring.

The water was _perfect_, and SJ let out a satisfied hiss when he sank into it and found a shallow spot to sit at, robe pooling around him like a cloud.

LQG raised a brow, wading closer. "You're still wearing clothes here?"

SJ flicked water towards him. "Buzz off."

"I'm just saying." LQG took the droplets of water that splattered onto his flushed face like a champion. "It's just the two of us. You don't have to hide anything."

"... I guess," SJ said.

Truth be told, he _didn't_ know why he had worn his inner robe in the hot spring save for force of habit. His infamously rigid sense of modesty had made him somewhat notorious among Bai Zhan's pigs, who often took every opportunity to strip naked and jump into a waterfall

or splash each other in the common baths (and compare packages along the way), but SJ had certainly never been born so fussy.

He had a body, yes, pale and thin and graceful, with a waist that carried a sash well, and long legs, and a backside that was ample considering the rest of him was so bony. But -

It wasn't him. It was the scars.

It had been a long time since SJ examined his back, but ever since QJL had gotten his hands on him, it had been a wretched, disfigured mess of whip scars and burn marks and whatever method of torture the sick bastard liked to inflict on him, with whatever toy he had lying around.

SJ's improved cultivation over the years had probably healed over _some_ of the damage, but even so, he was still a middling cultivator, and nothing in comparison to LQG or YQY;

he still hadn't formed his golden core yet, despite his husband assuring him it would happen sooner than later, and SJ had nothing to worry about.

... and maybe he didn't.

It wasn't as if he would have been able to keep it a secret forever anyhow; it was only through happenstance that they never consummated their marriage during their wedding... nor the days that came after.

(What could they say? The Qing generation was only two months into their new roles; they still had a lot to get done, alright?!)

And his husband, of all people, would never look at SJ askance for what had once been done to him.

He knew that now, and loved him for it.

"Well..." SJ flushed as he undid the ties to his robe and removed it, placing it on some nearby rocks.

"If you say so. I guess you'll see the rest of me soon enough," he added shyly, not realising entirely what he meant until he saw LQG staring at him - at _his_ naked body, even if mostly submerged in water - and his husband turned bright red.

And it was _not_ because of the water, thank you very much.

*

SJ had been lucky in finding LQG for his partner in more ways than one.

He'd always known that,and been grateful for it; his husband, despite being known primarily for speaking with his fists, was a gentleman through and through.

It _meant_ something that, even as LQG had grown tall and strong and could easily overpower SJ during their many bouts and duels together, that he'd never once wielded his superior strength as a reason for SJ to kowtow to him, to fear what he could do to him.

To fear him at all.

SJ had never been naive to the way older men looked at him, even when he was small and scrubby and skinny enough to hide in Qi-ge's outer robe when he wanted to.

He had the kind of large, alluring eyes that made men want to _come hither_, or so said a jiejie he used to spend time with, when Wu Yanzi would spend the nights in a brothel and leave SJ rudderless and bereft in the common room.

(She'd told him that, both in flattery and concern... and then asked, quietly, if his shifu treated him well. If WYZ actually _was_ his shifu and not, well, someone he was bound to through more unsavoury means.

SJ had assured her he was fine, that Shifu never touched him - sexually, that was. WYZ's fancies leaned towards forcing SJ to endure bloodletting and being the subject of his more experimental talismans. That WYZ never preyed on him in _that_ fashion was his one saving grace.)

No, SJ's time at the Qiu Estate had given him more than enough proof of what most men would do when they got their hands on him, whether it be QJL or a manservant whose standing was barely higher than SJ's.

(They were all dogs and deserve to die. And if anyone ever touched him against his will again, he would annihilate everything within a mile of him before the bastard could even _dare_. No one would hurt him ever again.)

His husband, in comparison, was more than a breath of fresh air; sometimes it seemed like he had been formed out of cloud fluff from the heavenly realm itself, and set loose upon humanity to fight good and nothing else.

He had no vice but stubbornness and a little pride, he was unmoved by greed nor jealousy nor wrath, and he _definitely_ didn't give into lust. (If he felt it at all!)

It wasn't _just_ that LQG had always been bemused and disinterested by the attention he got from Xian Shu and other admirers, female _and_ male. Even when they finally got together, LQG had never tried anything beyond the kisses and cuddles they shared.

Never made SJ anxious about what would come next, about what _he_ would be expected to do one day as a part of his marital duties, to _serve_ his husband, god forbid...

No, SJ was quite sure that if he told LQG he wanted to stay chaste for the rest of their lives, his silly goose would agree quite easily, and they just... wouldn't have sex if SJ didn't want to.

He'd never been given the choice before.

Now he had someone who respected him body and soul, and would never hold it against him if he just... couldn't, for whatever reason.

But... but if he could - if he ever _wanted_ to, then LQG was definitely the one he'd want to do it with.

_Well_, SJ thought, feeling heady in all that hot water and the blood rushing to his cheeks. _You did marry him after all, you dingus._

_And_ his husband was very easy on the eyes, especially nude with his muscled body on display...

Oh dear.

*

"Water's hot," LQG mumbled, not quite looking at SJ, and red as tomatoes.

"Mm," SJ agreed; _he_ was red as cherries.

They both soaked in the hot spring a little longer, not quite daring to get closer now that they were both naked, even though they were a pair of leeches in every other circumstances.

They couldn't exactly... touch each other in a place like this? Could they? Imagine what they might bump into!!

_Pervert_, SJ hissed at his own subconscious. Just what did he think would happen!! This wasn't a springtime book; anyone who attempted a dalliance in a hot spring would soon get their private bits boiled alive!! He was a cultivator, not a lustful pig!

"I - I'll get out," LQG squeaked and left the water first, SJ closing his eyes to give him modesty though he honestly didn't know _why_; they were married already!

SJ gave his husband enough time to get into some clean robes and dry his hair before he left the hot spring as well, shivering in the wet robe he'd put back on as he walked back to their suite in the dark with only the light from beyond the half-opened partition guiding him.

SJ had been on missions that didn't leave him this nervous as the moment he poked his head back inside and LQG handed him a robe to change into while looking away.

SJ did so while still on the veranda, stepping inside only once he was done and dumping his soaked clothes onto a basket for washing up later.

(God, but they were both so awkward.)

They both distracted themselves by putting on their hair oils and ointments for the night, though SJ couldn't get it quite out of his head that both he and LQG weren't wearing anything under their robes, only a thin layer of fabric separating them from each other.

Was this... was this a good time to try something? They had just had dinner and a grand bath outdoors, and their bed was certainly large enough for anything they might want to get up to.

SJ looked furtively at LQG while he was combing out his hair. With his hair down and free of the formal dress and ornament of Cang Qiong, his husband looked fresh-faced and boyish all over again.

And really quite cute, if you didn't know the abs of iron he was hiding under his robes.

SJ knew he wasn't as good-looking as his husband in a thousand years, not even if he actually _tried_ to lean into the kind of subtly wanton appearance men used to leer at him for.

But as he rubbed some cool mint cream onto his face and the back of his neck, he could feel LQG staring at him as well.

And staring for a _while_.

Maybe now was a good time to try his luck after all, SJ thought, and swallowed.

END OF EXTRA PART I

(ok the reconciliation with QHT is OVER and now it's time for liujiu to actually take that final step into their marriage and get down 😂

But wait, you say! They were together for 4-5 years and married for a month and they still haven't had sex yet? Uhh NOPE 😅 you know LQG's the type to wait until marriage, and SJ's reason for waiting is self-evident!

But our babies have finally grown up, and they're willing to test the waters 😳 I have a feeling their first time might, err, take a few tries before they get anywhere though 😂 only good vibes from now on, I promise!!)