Thread by @stephenhdbryce

One of the things I really hate about my #ADHD is the object impermanence.

When I see my dog I *know* that I need to make an appointment for her at the groomer. But when I *don't* see her, I'm not thinking about it. And I only see her before the groomer is open and after the groomer is closed, so I still haven't made the appointment.

Or I see the stack of papers I need to mark, so I put them in my bag to take home. But once I'm home dinner needs cooking and then the kitchen needs cleaning and then I have to... everything else.

I forget people exist, not because they don't matter to me, but because they aren't right in front of me. I think of you, but then my attention is drawn straight back into whatever's present in the moment.

It's why I hate the phrase, "If they wanted to, they would." There are SO. MANY. things I want to do. I forget. Or I get distracted. It's just not that simple.

I get frustrated. With myself. For being an awful friend. Or for failing to do things that should get done. The ADHD tax is real. But it's financial. It's not the emotional and mental weight we carry. All the failures we assign to ourselves. Maybe that's the ADHD toll?

I drop the ball. I forget to reach out within the 3 seconds I think of it. I lose track of all the jobs I still need to take care of. (*shit! I still need to make my car appointment to switch out my winter tires and change my oil*)

When things go right it's imposter syndrome. It's "protect the peace". I don't know how long it'll last. It's ever so slightly restful for a moment or two.

Cause it's only a matter of time before I mess up again. Before some realization of what I let slip catches up to me.

I wish I didn't have to have things right in front of me for me to think about them. I'm working on my strategies for remembering things and noting them right when I do think about them. But it's not perfect. It's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.

More grace for one another. Cause we are going to blow it. We're all finding our way through this wild thing called life.

Take care of yourself. Take care of those around you.

You are not your mistakes. You are wonderful and unique and awesome.

(I got myself ice cream before writing this thread. It is now soupy because I forgot it existed while I wrote. So please excuse me while I sip my ice cream and think about what I've done.)