I was never keen on Bond going MIA after being shot by Moneypenny at the start of SKYFALL. And it takes ages for him to get back into the plot and the action. It wouldn’t have happened like that in Roger Moore’s day, I thought… which got me thinking… 1/ 🧵#JamesBond
How would they have picked up the story after the titles were done? Straight into Moneypenny’s office, of course! Maybe it would have gone something like this… 2/
INT. MONEYPENNY’s OFFICE
MONEYPENNY: James! Where have you been?
BOND: Recuperating, Moneypenny - from an attempt on my life. 3/
MONEYPENNY: Yes, sorry about that.
BOND: Moneypenny, if I wanted anyone to put a high-velocity sniper’s bullet through my shoulder… it would be you. 4/
MONEYPENNY: But you’ve been gone for weeks. How is your poor shoulder now?
BOND: As tender as my feelings for you, darling.
M (INTERCOM): Miss Moneypenny, if 007 is here send him straight in. We’ve wasted enough time already. 5/
BOND (TO MONEYPENNY): Oh, and thank you for the flowers…
MONEYPENNY: Oh no - they’re from Q! 6/
INT. M’s OFFICE
BOND: Good morning, sir.
M: Now that you’ve been declared fit for duty, 007, you might care to resume your assignment on Operation Hard Drive. I’ve had people searching the world for the blessed thing and so far - nothing. 7/
BOND: Maybe this will help, sir.
M: Iron filings, 007?
BOND: Fragments of the bullet from Patrice’s gun, sir. I dug them out if my shoulder on the way back from St Tropez. Perhaps Q Branch could trace the ammunition to its owner.
M: Good idea… 8/
M: (USING INTERCOM) Moneypenny? Send the Quartermaster in, please. (TO BOND) St Tropez? I thought you were shot in Istanbul?
BOND: I was, sir. But the Service convalescent home was in St Tropez. 9/
M: Oh, was it?!
BOND: Well, I… thought it best to get back to full fitness as soon as possible, sir, and St Tropez had a spare bed going.
M: Several spare beds and a few spare nurses, from what I’ve heard! 10/
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This is why WHERE EAGLES DARE is a Christmas film.
First off, if a Junkers Ju-52 carrying Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood and a bunch of hand-picked commandos over the icy blue Bavarian Alps doesn’t give you Santa’s sleigh vibes, then I can’t help you. 1/
The first half hour features a lot of snow. This is a prerequisite for all genuine Christmas films like ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE and FIRST BLOOD. It’s so snowy that Richard Burton and his men all have to wear white combat fatigues to blend in.
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These are reversible, making them an ideal Christmas present for any loved one operating behind enemy lines disguised as Alpenkorps paratroopers this Festive season.
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