Thread by @scattermoon

*Of course* I'm doing a Eurovision livetweeting thread tonight, with little bits of information and background info about the songs and entrants and the occasional hot take.

Who did you think I am?

Eurovision tonight is coming from the M&S Arena in Liverpool, temporarily renamed the BBC Arena, to save us the trouble of explaining Marks and Spencers to the rest of the world. It's quite the venue, right by the Mersey.

We're in the UK because we came second last year (Sam Ryder singing "Space Man" in Turin). I told you we'd do well and nobody believed me, so I guess we are a nation of pure anxiety.

Ideally we'd be in Ukraine after their win last year but due to the same circumstances that provided such support for their band Kalush Orchestra, they were unable to host there, so they're working with the BBC instead. It's a shame: Kyiv 2017 Eurovision was wonderful.

I'll be doing a thread along with the wonderful Eurovision academic expert @richmondbridge. She'll be a bit more factual than me, while I'll be sharing anecdotes and jokes and fun facts. Think of us as a tag team.

https://twitter.com/richmondbridge/status/1657453859604668420

You can watch on the BBC as usual but if you want to watch online without iPlayer, SVT are broadcasting #Eurovision to an international audience on svtplay.se with minimal Swedish commentary so that's a valid alternative. There's also a YouTube stream outside the UK.

The favourites tonight are Sweden who are sending returning champion Loreen who won with 'Euphoria' in 2012 (remember that?), and Finland, who have gone absolutely *wild* for their entry this year, 'Cha Cha Cha' by Käärijä.

Just look at this thread.

https://twitter.com/LeenaMalkki/status/1657008983943663616

This will be the Grand Final - we already had semi-finals on Tuesday and Thursday to weed out the less impressive acts. You'll be happy to hear a lot of the slow basic ballads didn't make it. But you'll also be missing whatever...this...is from Romania 🩸

here we here we here we fucking gooooooooooooo #eurovision

Kalush Orchestra there appearing riding down the escalators at Arsenelna station in Kyiv, the deepest metro station in the world. I timed it last time I was there, it was 5 minutes from the ticket hall to the bottom of the escalators. I hope the band aren't rushing for a train.

I miss Kyiv, it's truly a beautiful city, I hope we can all visit again sometime.

'Stefania' got a lot of heat for being an undeserved winner last year but honestly, especially these days, Eurovision is such high quality at the upper end, every year there are several deserved winners, and the success of the song as a Ukrainian anthem speaks for itself.

Ukraine are also very *very* good at Eurovision - the most successful country in ESC history by some metrics, winning three times in less than two decades, and *never* failing to qualify from the semi finals. They work hard, and they party hard.

That was Go_A performing "Shum" there. Caught them in Glasgow in October. Kateryna Pavlenko called me pretty, I died on the spot.

Glad to see Marco Mengoni of Italy walking out with a Pride flag and Voyager of Austalia walking out with an Aboriginal flag in the flag parade.

Jamala performing her 2016 winner "1944" which was about Russian ethnic cleaning in Ukraine in the Second World War. Feels sadly relevant these days - she had to flee Ukraine last year when her family apartment was shelled.

and of course everyone knows Verka Serduchka. She didn't actually win in 2007, she came second to Serbia sending the most lesbian performance to Eurovision ever with 'Molitva' but she's treated as a winner anyway.

If you're remembered at Eurovision, you're considered royalty.

Can't believe the presenters stole my joke.

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1557998925482713091

I still feel that it wasn't a co-incidence that the two cities that were closest to hosting Eurovision in the UK this year - Liverpool and Glasgow - are also the two most anti-Tory cities in the country. Inclusivity, diversity, internationalism, you can see why they'd hate it.

Liverpool really said "what's a coronation?" and went off to party with Go_A and Sam Ryder instead. Love that city.

So first up, AUSTRIA.

This is a dance song about being possessed by the spirit of Edgar Allen Poe.

No, seriously.

It's perfect.

Sung by two very hot women in suits, this song is in the great Eurovision tradition of being catchy silly nonsense that sneaks a very serious point into the fun. Though you might miss the criticism of streaming platforms paying songwriters next to nothing because you're poeing.

Your brain for the next month:

poe poe poe poe poe
poe poe poe poe poe
poe poe poe poe poe
edgar allen edgar allen

PORTUGAL is one of the three countries at Eurovision that almost always send something true to their own national character.

I mean, look at Mimicat, listen to her, she's basically the 💃 emoji personified. Couldn't be more Portuguese if you put a pastel de nata on her head.

The crowd in the arena loves Portugal. It's just a big dance party already. Mimicat could step onto the audience and they'd thank her. #Eurovision

Yup, that's the amount in dollars.

The Austrian singers are both songwriters, so they're well aware of this. It's a deeply poersonal song for them.

https://twitter.com/jessothomson/status/1657466807685455873

Reliably, SWITZERLAND are here to kill the party vibes already. They last sent an exciting song in 2019, saw the Netherlands win with a Serious Ballad, and since then have only been sending curly-haired men singing deeply serious songs with sadfaces.

Who hurt you, Switzerland.

"War is bad! War is bad and also sad! Isn't it mad! That war is bad and sad!" - some Swiss boy, apparently.

I feel this staging is very tone deaf and on the nose given the circumstances of this Eurovision - especially having the staging with sparks like a real warzone. It's such a naive idea of war from a country famously uninvolved in it. We'll see a *proper* anti-war song much later.

Poland is basically the Love Island entry this year.

Poland just discovered Instagram filters and decided to use them *all* for their song.

Speaking seriously for a moment, Blanka effectively won the Polish national final to represent them in extremely murky circumstances widely acknowledged as corruption and leading to scandals. Though I guess what do you buy the girl who has it all? A slot at Eurovision of course!

The morning after a particular spicy curry.

SERBIA's entry Luke Black is what happens if you combine a twink, a goth, and a nerd.

Incidentally, he has been very vocally pro-trans rights this whole season, saying he's dedicated his song to the trans community, and thanking fans for bringing the trans flag to the arena.

Finally, the Gundam Eurovision crossover you've all been asking for.

get in the robot, Serbia

This song is about how Luke Black had difficulties in lockdown, being unable to sleep (his song title translates as "I Just Want to Sleep") and spent his long nights watching anime and playing videogames instead.

Most relatable Eurovision contestant ever.

marche sur moi, mama 🇫🇷

La Zarra is the most French woman ever.

Which is stunning, given she's Canadian.

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1655490091396071424

I just think it's nice that France decided instead of using the Eiffel Tower in their staging, they decided to *send* the Eiffel Tower herself instead.

what country is this again

I'm so proud of you all.

I already miss France's entrant.

CYPRUS are one of those entries that are technically and objectively very good, but I never really think of when I think of this year's lineup. To be fair, this man (who is from Australia) is up against women possessed by poets, fights with Gundams, and wait til you see Croatia.

everything changed when the fire nation attacked

SPAIN used to do badly every year because they automatically qualified to the final every time so barely felt the need to try and sent lukewarm songs nobody really liked that much (sound familiar, Brits?). This changed last year when they launched Benidorm Fest. And now...

this is some kind of summoning ritual, I half expect a god to appear at the end of this song, Final Fantasy XIV style.

(Last year, Spain sent Chanel doing a big horny dance number (see below) and probably would have won if not for the Ukraine situation, so they are *very* keen for good results. Hence this spell being cast on you now. Admit it, you want to vote for Spaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnn)

This segment is talking about Junior Eurovision, which I tend to not watch because it feels a bit cruel to subject a 10 year old to *this* kind of international pressure, but the most recent one took place in Yerevan, and now I miss the city.

Fun fact: Loreen was having to wait in her giant panini maker the whole time they were setting up and the hosts were talking, she was just chilling on stage like that, hoping the thing didn't fall and make her into a Swedish sandwich.

You might remember Loreen from this.

She didn't have a big box then.

I would *hate* to be fingered by Loreen, just saying.

So, this is one of the two hot favourites. What do you think? Is it that good?

I'm watching Swedish TV and they are being *very* cocky about their chances.

Loreen is actually from Morocco making her one of the very few non-white contestants tonight. Eurovision has definitely taken a step backward from 2021 in that regard, when the black contestants did noticeably worse. This year we only have *one* black contestant...from Ukraine.

ALBANIA are another of those countries that always send something true to themselves. In their case, it's because they decide their Eurovision song at their national song festival (Festivali i Këngës) which takes place around Christmas every year.

(yes, Eurovision selections have been going on for over five months already, which surprises people when I tell them)

*Albania increases*

It's nice she brought her whole family to Eurovision though, I'd be reluctant to take my mum to a Five Guys.

Marco Mengoni, the singer from ITALY, sent out this tweet asking for votes a few hours ago. No comment.

https://twitter.com/mengonimarco/status/1657430704915984386

Italy are unusually calm on the staging this year, leaving me thinking how much the mini-stage looks a bit like a toilet bowl. I think Italy are maybe a bit burned out after hosting last year in Turin. Shame, I miss the wine, and pizza, and wine, and pasta, and Aperol, and wine.

That said, this is the first year I can ever recall where all the Big 5 automatic finalists - France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and the UK - have been clearly trying very hard. It benefits the contest, and as we'll see with Germany, it doesn't mean that they can't have fun doing it.

The ESTONIAN piano is playing itself! She's not even standing anywhere near it! This is clearly cheating! Disqualification!

(Main vocals in Eurovision *have* to be live, but due to the technical complexities, all instruments *have* to be mimed instead. So every time you see an instrument being played on stage at Eurovision - it isn't.

Yes, including Epic Sax Guy. I'm sorry.)

If you know Eurovision running orders - which are *not* random - you'll know that a slightly sleepy run of three ballads in a row is leading you to prepare for something intense.

Finland's next.

Buckle up 💚🍸 you're not ready.

Finland have *massively* got behind their entry this year. Check this whole thread. The country is *obsessed*. You can see why.

https://twitter.com/LeenaMalkki/status/1657008983943663616

One side of this apartment is still singing 'Poe Poe Poe', the other is now singing 'Cha Cha Cha'.

Oh no.

It's a Cha/Poe Trap House.

CHA CHA CHA.

Everyone went wild for this, it's without a doubt The Hit of the year.

human centipede

Watch the Finnish music video.

He starts off in his usual outfit, singing about how he needs to drink alcohol to escape the trap he's in, and then halfway in, he appears in a wig, singing about the pina coladas allowed him to finally feel free.

Hmm.

The CZECH entry is dedicated to *both* sisterhood and Slavic solidarity - the song is sung in Czech (a West Slavic language), Bulgarian (a South Slavic language), and Ukrainian (an East Slavic language, and the language of...well, you see what they're talking about here)

The Czech public don't really care for Eurovision, meaning their participation is kind of passion prospect for their broadcaster. Given this, they honestly do such a good job. I'd love to have a Pragueurovision sometime.

Also, watch the Czech music video sometime, especially if you like doll aesthetics.

Fun fact: the lead singer of AUSTRALIA's band Voyager, Danny Estrin, is actually an immigration lawyer.

Legal Rocker Daddy.

Before you ask, Australia are in Eurovision because they used to show the BBC broadcast, then started sending their own crew every year and after a decade the contest said "you're here every year anyway, why not try?". They did, and did good, and so here they are!

Australia's contract allowing them to take part in Eurovision is technically up this year so this *might* be their final entry.

And to be fair, this is how I'd want to go out.

With a keytar.

This is also my reading now.

https://twitter.com/EuroDivision/status/1657354058607259650

I swear Gustaph from BELGIUM's hat gets bigger every time he appears.

Gustaph made it a condition of his staging that it honored LGBT+ people of colour, and specifically the 80s Ballroom scene in NYC, because the queer culture he grew up in, and wants to inspire viewers with, owes so much to them, and he wants to honour that.

I've been wearing a hat all evening in support of Belgium's entry, while drinking Pina Coladas in support of Finland's entry. Now I'm just missing a keytar and a Gundam.

Graham Norton shows up right at the end of the week btw, he's faking being this much of a fan >_>

Rylan on the other hand has been getting sweaty in the Euroclub every single evening.

Mel is referencing the (in)famous Polish entry from 2014 "Slavic Girls". Bet you don't remember the song but you remember...this.

The Armenian song was released while I *was* in Armenia so I am semi-treating this as my home entry this year.

These lyrics were cribbed directly from inspirational Tumblr posts - the giveaway is the line "drink smoothies in near cafes" which was a misreading of "drink smoothies in neat cafes" in flowery text. So this is technically the Tumblr entry (though let's be real, that was Serbia)

The Armenian song lyrics are actually about how stressful and hollow having that kind of inspirational influencer career actually is. You may want to be "be good, do good, look good" but you're having panic attacks on the inside.

Unfortunately, the chorus sounds more like "BEGUDUGULUGU".

...are you still talking about Finland in your living rooms?

MOLDOVA are the third nation who are always true to their musical culture in one way or another. Last year we had the hoedown about a train. This cyber forest priest rave was never *quite* going to live up to that.

The flute player in the Moldovan song is a well-known accomplished flute player by the way, *not* a novelty.

Ukraine selected their entry in Dec in a national final broadcast from a literal bomb shelter, just in case.

Nigerian immigrant Jimoh Augustus Kehinde and his band Tvorchi won the televote, which is a *big deal* for a country for Ukraine, and honestly puts W Europe to shame.

I love the new Matrix movie.

R&B is a genre rarely heard at Eurovision, for sadly obvious reasons, but it's finally starting to make appearances, and it's about time.

Eurovision should be about *all* music.

It's time for NORWAY's entry.

🇳🇴: "HER NAME IS SHE"

UK columnists immediately tuning out because they heard pronouns.

Queen of the Arena

I used to complain that Germany never sent anything that sounded remotely German.

This changes this year.

Lord of the Lost are *right* out my years as a Goth in Schleswig-Holstein.

"Blood and Glitter" is what you get if you *are*.

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1657475736544870401

Opening with Edgar Allen Poe, and now this.

Most Goth Eurovision ever?

Everyone in the front few rows of the arena is now nicely barbecued 🔥

LITHUANIA had very mixed results up until 2020 when they changed their whole selection process to a big festival called "Pabandom iš Naujo" which literally means "Let's Try Again!" and have got solidly good results ever since. Remember this guy?

Lithuania also have black singers (really showing up Western Europe here)

"Čiūto tūto" is what wine moms hear as they are ascending to heaven.

ISRAEL are also in Eurovision this year.

The SLOVENIAN band, Joker Out, have been just wandering around Liverpool for the past week stealing hearts everywhere they went, like a Central European One Direction, making out with everyone as they went.

Look, they even just made out with *the TV camera*.

Horniest band 2023.

And a million hearts were stolen 🇸🇮

So, I need to explain Croatia.

The band, Let 3, are a famous Croatian left-wing punk group who have mocked the country's nationalism, supported Prides, and once got arrested for performing naked even though the band protested that they weren't cos they had corks in their butts.

Their song is a *direct* and *very* savage takedown of Putin and his wargames, mocking how he was gifted a tractor by his dictator pet, Belarus' Lukashenko.

@richmondbridge describes the background here.

escinsight.com/2023/05/09/let…

Fuck, I love Eurovision.

I love how this postcard makes it seem that Liverpool *isn't* part of England.

So, I'll be honest, we're not going to do great this year. We've still got a much better approach than before, the song is (mostly) contemporary and a bop, and chartable, which you can't say about our entries last decade. The staging is super pop art. The vocals are just a bit...

Also, Europe will be still talking about Croatia.

The voice in my head telling me to open a tub of peanut butter ice cream at 2am when I have work in the morning.

The first lyric of this Eurovision:

"oh my god, you're such a good writer"

The final lyric of this Eurovision:

"instead I wrote a song"

Nicely done.

That's all 26!!!

Who are your TOP THREE? Reply to this tweet, don't think about it too hard.

I'm off to get another pina colada so I can party hard like the Finns.

So, worth pointing out we've had two changes to the voting this year.

The first change is that the juries were scrapped for the semi-finals, who qualified depended solely on televote, and looking at the lineup tonight, I think it worked well. Juries might have hated POE POE POE and given us a ballad instead,

The second change is that you can now vote in Eurovision wherever you are, in a collated Rest of the World vote. Not only does this let fans in countries that withdrew due to political pressure take part like in Turkey and Hungary, but also outside Europe, like in Brazil or Japan

I ship these two btw.

Finland doing the human centipede for their voting recap, they know what they're doing (the dance is supposed to represent a caterpillar rollercoaster!)

There are rumours that the EBU are very keen on Brazil joining, either in place of Australia or alongside them. There's apparently interest there, and we need less Anglocentrism.

https://twitter.com/wagnerlds/status/1657496839984168963

I recommend being in a Eurovision arena at some point in your life if you can btw. In the words of the Finnish crab walking goth, "it's crazy, it's party"!

I interviewed Sam Ryder last year, he's genuinely a lovely man, and has been the greatest ambassador for UK Eurovision in my lifetime, charming the pants off all of Europe all while clearly having the time of his life. He's like a spaniel in rock star form.

This segment is the first time I've felt the energy drop since the opening, I'm suddenly aware I've been tweeting non-stop for three hours.

The Australian commentary team are very BBC3, if you know what I mean. That's not a complaint.

Graham is better at commentating than hosting.

Bring Julia and her domme back imo.

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1657496913040515073

It's not lost on me that in the last part of the Finnish staging, the stage is bathed in rainbows. It's barely even subtext at this point.

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1657481199621636096

The next interval, 'The Liverpool Songbook', has various Eurovision stars singing songs from Liverpool (thankfully, not just the Beatles).

I love bringing back Eurovision legends like this, really makes the contests feel more cohesive, and pays tribute to the stars.

This is Mahmood, who came 2nd for Italy in 2019 with an R&B song partially in Arabic called 'Soldi' about his immigrant father. He encountered a lot of political opposition to his representing Italy but he won out and got a great result.

This is Netta, who won for Israel in 2018 with "Toy", the one with all the Japanese beckoning cats.

Still wish we'd had Cyprus win that year, did you *see* Eleni's dance break?!

This is Iceland's Daði Freyr doing a chiptune Atomic Kitten. He probably would have won with "Think About Things" in 2020 but the contest was cancelled. He entered in 2021 but got Covid and had to watch from his hotel.
Now he's *finally* on the Eurovision stage.

Welcome, Daði 💚

Distracting every lesbian in Europe as she gets soaked on a chair right now is Sweden's Cornelia Jakobs who came 4th for Sweden last year with "Hold Me Closer".

It couldn't be a Eurovision in Liverpool without the most famous Liverpudlian Eurovision contestant.

Sonia with "Better The Devil You Know", the UK's 1993 Eurovision entry.

She came 2nd! ...like we did last year.

Duncan Lawrence won Eurovision for the Netherlands in 2019 with the ballad "Arcade" that went on to have a second life on TikTok that led to him having major success in the UK, proving Eurovision isn't career death after all.

Cutting between Duncan and the other acts in the Arena in Liverpool, and Ruslana and a children's choir at Kyiv's Golden Gate, as everyone sings "You'll Never Walk Alone"...

...well played, everyone.

This was beautiful 🥲

*Every* recap is just earworming me with 'Poe Poe Poe'.

Wait, did Graham just give a shoutout to 'Lottie' and 'Danni' in Glasgow like I asked? I didn't think that'd work!

It feels odd that Måneskin won in 2021 because they've largely distanced themselves from Eurovision since, while *everyone* remembers Go_A.

Martin Österdahl, head of Eurovision, is a big of a cult celebrity. He's reformed Eurovision massively behind the scenes over the past few years, removing a lot of the corruption in the contest.

"Good to Go" is his catchphrase which is made a big deal of

https://twitter.com/imjamesbarr/status/1656940489763856385

You might remember Latvia's voting spokesperson from this memorable opening line from last year's Eurovision.

Putting my cards on the table: I feel Sweden winning would be terribly anticlimactic.

These are the jury votes being given right now, and given how the semis went so well without them, I am feeling a little tired of the juries.

Most cringey-English San Marino person ever.

France just cannot resist having the Eiffel Tower in their background. They just can't help it.

My worry is that if the juries collectively overwhelm a mass public vote, it makes people feel disenfranchised, and we have enough of that in our *regular* voting.

Especially given they tend to reward *not* taking risks.

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1657509661573087234

The Great Eurovision Riot of 2023

https://twitter.com/emilylinka/status/1657512912494133255

Hatari.

That's the tweet.

I can't believe Ben Adams decapitated that poor wolf.

Sounds like this might actually happen, the arena crowd is *not* happy with these jury results (and nor is my timeline).

https://twitter.com/scattermoon/status/1657513150311178242

I can't believe Georgia's Circus Mircus just managed to "we're just innocent men" poor Hannah Waddingham.

With Norway getting that many points, it seems unlikely Finland will acquire enough points to topple Sweden. Uh oh.

I would like to categorically state I am not responsible for these results.

Finland *very* clearly the favourite from Europe.

Topped the televote almost everywhere.

So he *has* to win now for the sake of the *contest*.

The Cha Cha Cha Riots of 2023. #eurovision

As a Eurovision expert and follower of the contest for decades:

When a country gets over 500 points from across Europe in the *public vote* having them still lose thanks to the *juries* is a very bad look and brings the contest itself into disrepute as disenfranchising voters.

Juries might have been necessary a decade ago when things were still a bit rough around the edges but the fact we had the best final in years without jury input into the qualifiers suggests that perhaps their time has past, or at least that reform is needed.

I'm not happy with this result (in several respects) but I had a wonderful actual songs part of the evening and thank you for sharing it with me.

I'm off to have pina coladas until I get crazy and get party x

(btw yes, this is correct, I was automatically typing the number on the screen rather than the one I heard.

point still stands though!)

https://twitter.com/seefryar/status/1657524467042508801

So I was pretty emotional last night.

Obviously, Sweden deserved their win, but it did feel bad having a timeline (and arena!) so passionate about Finland, all feeling cheated.

Juries shouldn't be abolished entirely but I do feel we need some reform here.

There are definitely real jury issues, like how they paid Germany dust because it was a metal song. Lord of the Lost's vocals and production were solid, but because it wasn't a pop song, it got completely ignored by the music professionals who are meant to value those things.

It's the Eurovision Song Contest, not the Eurovision Pop Contest, and I feel the juries should be reminded of that.

I had a great night though, and honestly, best final in years, the BBC did an absolutely fantastic job, and set a high bar for Swedish broadaster SVT next year.

Also:

Luke Black 🇷🇸
La Zarra 🇫🇷
Teya & Salena 🇦🇹
Lord of the Lost 🇩🇪

If you're sad about your results, I am very happy to help comfort you, please jump into my DMs, thank you.