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Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
@AnarchOnion
May 13 • 4 tweets • 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
it's funny that the #Eurovision2023 slogan is "United by Music" because as far as I can tell all Europeans are in fact currently pretty united in wanting to hunt those juries for sport
stating for the record that i do not personally think that we should create a Panem-style blood game within which Eurovision jurors are made to fight for entertainment. i do NOT think that. i am merely commenting on the fact that this is a common sentiment
many people have been saying things like "in the interest of furthering the European spirit of democracy, it is necessary that we cast off the dictatorial powers of the juries by throwing their members into the ocean"

Not me though, i would never say that. Just many OTHER people
a heartfelt message to the jurors of #Eurovision2023 : Image

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More from @AnarchOnion

Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
May 12
behold! my peer-reviewed and very objective + scientific eye color tier list (i have no ulterior motive nor personal preferences playing into this) Image
i dont even know how to spell "cofnlict of intrerest" so therefore i cant be subject to one
i think that if you look in your heart you will find that my subjective opinions and the objective truth are actually the same thing
Read 4 tweets
Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
May 11
stuff the Bible and the Witcher have in common:
✅1st part is an anthology of connected stories, 2nd part deals with the life of a single guy and his squad
✅main character dies at the end of the books but is resurrected
✅homoerotic subtext
✅prophecies of the coming apocalypse
conclusion: the Witcher series of books and games is religious scripture and Andzrej Sapkowski is its prophet
also:
✅main character is in a weird love triangle that consists of him, a promiscuous woman and a member of his hype squad (mary magdalene/yennefer and judas/dandelion)
✅ fans consider the former relationship to be a little fucked up while the latter is entirely subtextual
Read 4 tweets
Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
Feb 12
L: I deduced that Kira is homophobic

Light: huh

Light: *I'll kiss him. that'll show i'm gay and thus not kira*

L: *if he tries to kiss me he is hiding something*

Light: *fuck! he might see through me... I have to try something else*

Light: hey L have you heard about gay sex
L: ...

L: yes.

Light: well. do you want to have some

L: *curious. if kira is indeed homophobic, this should prove light is innocent. unless... he's expecting me to back down. kira would bluff here, in which case I should-*

L: yes, Light. I will participate in gay sex with you
Light: *fuck, he called my bluff. does that mean he knows i am kira? that would explain why he thinks i am homophobic... whatever the case, i can't back down now. that would all but prove i am guilty*

Light: ...

Light: ...

Light: get undressed then
Read 6 tweets
Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
Feb 11
god help me i think i might go abroad for a vacation this summer
on the one hand i kinda wanna go to kołobrzeg or sthg but on the other hand i don't want to have the same weather I'd have at home if I'm going through the trouble to leave the country
Read 4 tweets
Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
Feb 10
listen u guys know i'm a hater but i extremely begrudgingly have to hand it to him for this one. bugs bunny ass setup and they really let him pull through the punchline. classic comedy, really. he shenanigan'ed these nerds
if youre gonna have a political circus the clowns might as well be funny
all republicans had to do to win this one was literally stay seated and not start shouting at him like a cage full of lemurs on methamphetamine. and they failed even that
Read 4 tweets
Onion™ (they/them) Profile picture
Jan 30
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer" is such a raw quote and its so funny that it was entirely made up by the Die Hard movie and is the exact opposite of what happened historically
this seems to be referencing Plutarch's“Alexander wept when he heard [...] discourse about an infinite number of worlds, and when asked what ailed him he said, ‘Is it not worthy of tears, that, when the number of worlds is infinite, we have not yet become lords of a single one?'”
WHICH YOU MAY NOTE IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THE DIE HARD QUOTE
Read 4 tweets

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