Thread by @bingjiuwus

#liujiu

"Are you alright?"

Shen Qingqiu was alone in the Qing Jing tent, licking his wounds in private after his match where the entire sect had seen him lose in mortifying fashion and laughed when he fell.

He'd refused to be examined by a healer, and the Qian Cao disciple who offered to look at him had walked away muttering under his breath after SJ rejected him.

He could have been kinder about it; SJ had few enough allies as it was. But he'd just wanted to be left alone, and who knew what the man might have told him in an effort to "console" him after his disgraceful defeat to the strongest warrior Cang Qiong had seen in a generation.

But speaking of the devil...

"I told you," SJ snapped without looking up. "I don't need your help; I can take care of myself!"

There was a pause. Then the newcomer said, "Who are you talking about?"

That was _not_ the Qian Cao disciple who had accosted him earlier. SJ's head snapped up in horror towards the tent entrance, only for his jaw to drop in further disbelief.

Because standing right in front of him, in immaculate white robes as usual stood the young man who had just flattened him to the ground a quarter-shichen ago; Liu Qingge, Head Disciple of Bai Zhan Peak, and looking as calm as if he'd just had a leisurely afternoon stroll.

There wasn't even a _scratch_ on him; he didn't even have a strand of hair out of line. Whereas SJ had been so roughed up and dragged through the mud throughout their fight he'd had to change after. Even now his hair was a mess...

SJ growled in anger, hackles up immediately. "Just what do you think you're doing here? Didn't get enough out there with everyone watching so you want to finish the job here and now?" His qi reserves were exhausted, but he could still fight with Xiu Ya if he had to...

"No! I didn't come here for that, I promise." LQG raised his hands in surrender and didn't come any closer. "I really wanted to see if you were alright...." He hesitated. "And to apologise for what I said to you. I went too far."

SJ watched him uneasily, keeping an eye on any potential sudden movement. "Uh huh," he said, entirely unmoved.

"I'm serious. I shouldn't have insulted your character and background just because you got the better of me for a while. That was low of me," LQG said... and then, to SJ's disbelief, he slowly lowered himself to the ground until he was sitting on his knees.

Was he going to kowtow in apology? SJ thought hysterically, then realised better; of course not. LQG hadn't insulted him to _that_ severe a degree.

It was more like... dear god, he knew what it was. Someone making themselves smaller to seem less intimidating to the weaker party.

SJ was undoubtedly the weaker party in this situation. A part of him was still smarting from before, wanted to throw dirt in LQG's eyes again at the presumption he had to be cajoled like this.

But the greater part of him just stayed quiet to see what LQG would do next.

Because it had been a long, long time since someone had actually aplogised to SJ and seemed to mean it.

"You fought very well," the man said after the deliberate pause on SJ's part. "No one's ever held out in a fight against me for so long."

"... really," SJ said. He didn't know that.

(Inside him, a tiny heartbeat pumped with pride.)

LQG nodded. "That was why I lost my temper - when you started using those tricks against me. Because we were having a great match until then. But I shouldn't have insulted you as a result either."

SJ sniffed. "In a real fight, you realise, I would have won a long time ago and run away with your sword and money a long ago while you were still complaining about the rules and cheating."

"Yeah," LQG huffed. "You would have."

SJ stared at him in astonishment. At the corner of LQG's pale mouth was a little smile.

He was actually... smiling at what SJ said.

Huh.

"We - well, that's all well and good," SJ stammered, heat flushing to his cheeks from the surreal scene he had just found himself in. "But I meant what I said earlier about wanting to be left alone. So..."

"Yeah. I get it." LQG got up on unsteady legs. "Just... do you ever want to spar sometimes? I could use a sparring partner like you."

"I - I'm busy a lot," SJ said, flustered at the very idea. "I don't know how I could possibly make the time for something like that. No more than once a month at most."

"Once a month sounds good." LQG smiled again, the beauty mark under his eye practically winking at SJ as he did. "I'll see you around later, then?"

_I didn't even say yes_, SJ wanted to say, but he watched LQG leave the tent in silence regardless...

And then he looked at his hands, dumbfounded at the entire exchange and how in a matter of minutes, the opponent who had given him the beating of his life... had also apologised for offending SJ and become his sparring partner? _What_?

What in the world had just happened?

*

The first time LQG came to Qing Jing for the said monthly spar with SJ, he was _insistent_ this be their only session before he shut it down permanently; he had research to do! Errands to run for Shizun and missions outside of the sect; his paintings, his projects!

He didn't have time to cater to a knuckle-headed brute who probably tried to browbeat books into submission, most definitely not!

... or so he told himself, even as it became clear that he obviously _did_.

Unfortunately, what LQG lacked for in tact he made up for in sheer talent and depth of knowledge in fighting, whether it bare-handed, with a sword, or by using his cultivation...

and when no longer in the high stakes setting of a formal competition, he was a _frustratingly_ competent sparring partner and teacher. SJ learned more practical lessons from one session with the brute than he would with one month with a teacher.

Which. Pissed him off.

Because now he very well couldn't say _no_ to LQG coming around to Qing Jing anymore, could he? (SJ going to Bai Zhan, though? Forget it!) SJ was _learning_ more and more with every session, and growing stronger and more confident as a result.

And... well. LQG seemed happy too.

Happy that SJ was doing well.

It was kind of strange. Their first confrontation had been so openly nasty on both their parts, SJ had imagined he had found a new enemy for life. But whatever had caused LQG to track him down and apologise to him, he seemed to truly mean it.

Because now, even on days when SJ was snappy and rude and abrasive, the man, well... kind of just took it in stride. Oh, he could still snap back when SJ truly annoyed him, but not like the first time.

He didn't say anything about SJ's background or the purported shadiness of his more battleworn tactics... he just treated him like his sparring partner.

And it was nice.

*

SJ shot the spiritual blast just over LQG's shoulder, vanquishing the ghost that had just been about to sink phantom teeth into him.

LQG jumped up immediately and turned around, white as a sheet of paper. "Are you - " SJ said, but got cut off.

"You!" the man said; he looked stunned as he touched the back of his neck, the air acrid from the smell of singed hair. "Did you just..."

The blood drained from SJ's face. Oh. _Oh_, of course it had been too good to be true.

LQG had never meant to be kind to him, not truly; not when it mattered.

Not when something was actually at stake.

SJ turned heel and stalked away to the carriage, tears blurring his vision as he ignored LQG and Shang Qinghua babbling about nonsense in the distance.

Why had he gotten his hopes up just because LQG had taught him a qi-channelling technique and told off his shidis when they tried to harass SJ? That didn't make them friends, not really.

Once inside the carriage SJ buried his face in his hands and tried not to sob.

It was so fucking _embarrassing_; he was twenty already, an adult and a killer a dozen times over. How could he get upset over something like this? Hadn't he done a thousand times worse before?

So why should the look in LQG's look feel so much like a stab to his own heart, why should the way the man had _looked_ at him with such shock and distrust feel like betrayal?

Truly, there would never be any rest for the wicked.

There was a rap on the carriage door, then a husky, "Shixiong, I'm coming in."

"No! You're not allowed!" SJ yelled in alarm, trying to wipe the tears away from his face, but it was too late. LQG had already opened the door and half-stepped inside, and now he could see, even in the dark cabin, the wet sheen on SJ's face, his reddened nose and bitten mouth.

"Shen-shixiong..." LQG hesitated, then came fully inside, and once again sank to his knees in front of SJ, taking up what little foot space was left inside the carriage and practically squishing SJ into a corner. "I wronged you again. You were protecting me there, weren't you?"

"No," SJ said, voice muffled through his fingers. "No, you bastard, I wanted you to die. That was why I did it while Shang Qinghua was around..."

"I was wrong." LQG bowed his head. "I'm sorry. Your shidi is an idiot. He... I had no idea. Truly."

SJ refused to be won over by cheap grovelling just like that. "Next time I'll just let you die and save myself the grief," he muttered, refusing to look directly at the other man.

"You should," LQG said. "I don't deserve Shen-shixiong's kindness."

SJ glared at him at last, repulsed by what he was saying. "Get over yourself, asshole. I'll do what I want, whenever I want. No thanks to you."

"Mm." LQG still looked like a kicked puppy. "Still... let me make things right?"

SJ snorted. "I don't know if anyone can," he said, rabbiting heart beginning to calm at last. "But do your worst anyway."

*

"All of you. Get out."

"But Liu-shixiong - "

"_Now_."

At the order from their da-shixiong, the Bai Zhan brutes quelled and left the Red Warm Pavilion like shamed children, while SJ pulled on a flowery silken robe - not his own - to cover himself.

Behind the bed partition Rui-jie trembled, and standing in the middle of the room was LQG in full uniform as always, expression grave as he looked around and saw the torn hangings and paintings, the smashed vases and flowers strewn across the carpet like spilled grains of rice.

"Like what you see?" SJ snarked when LQG's gaze finally fell back on him, on his unbound hair and translucent silken robe and the red lotus painted on his hands for the night.

Anyone would think he'd been doing something indecent; he'd been lying in Rui-jie's lap with barely a robe on himself when the brutes had barged into the room yelling about teaching him a "lesson" about corrupting their da-shixiong.

LQG had come chasing after his shidis before they could smash up the Pavilion entirely, but the damage had been done. Bai Zhan were notorious gossips, and SJ's reputation would go down the drain immediately.

"I," LQG said, swallowing and breaking eye contact with SJ. "I'll pay for everything my shidis broke tonight and make this place whole, uh, Madame. I apologise for their shameful behaviour."

... oh. He was talking to Rui-jie. SJ squeezed her hand in reassurance, then turned back to LQG. "Do you even know how expensive this whole joint is? Even _your_ allowance isn't going to make up for this!"

"I'll get a loan from my family," LQG muttered.

SJ laughed hysterically. "Seriously?"

"Yes." The man was bright red and still couldn't look at him properly. Heavens, what the hell was _wrong_ with him? "Shen-shixiong, you too... I'll make sure those idiots don't say anything. I vow it."

"You won't?" SJ asked, rolling his shoulders and leaning back in bed. "Liu Qingge, look at me."

LQG did so, reluctantly, pupils shrinking into dots as he did so.

"They all saw me like this too," SJ said softly. "Between me or their own eyes, who is everyone going to believe that all I did tonight was try to get a good night's sleep?"

"I do," LQG said.

SJ stared.

"I mean." The man coughed. "Your business is your own. But I trust you. If that's what you came here to do, then that's what you did."

"... uh huh." Even Yue Qingyuan had scolded SJ about his impropriety the one time he'd caught him at the Pavilion.

SJ wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea that straight edge, righteous to a fault LQG of all people was the only one who ever seemed to _believe_ him when he said something. Shouldn't LQG be judging him for sullying his cultivation or something like that?

Why did he just... casually accept whatever SJ did, believe that _whatever_ he did, it was with good intentions? It was unnerving sometimes. SJ didn't know what he'd done so earn such unblinking trust from someone else.

Even so.

"I... don't think I'll stay for the night, jiejie," he told Rui-jie. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he pays up for everything those bastards broke and then some."

SJ's own robes had been torn up in the scuffle and he very well couldn't return to the sect looking like, well, a courtesan himself, so LQG lent him his outer robes and even a spare ribbon for his hair.

LQG had always cut a lean figure, but even so his robes felt loose on SJ, and he'd had to tie the sash twice over before it would hold. LQG remained quiet and red-faced on the long walk back, to the point SJ even kicked him on the shin for being so annoying.

"What's _wrong_ with you?" he exclaimed. "Are you allergic to incense, is that it? Or is it the women who scare you shitless? Why are you acting so embarrassed?"

"Nothing like that," LQG muttered. "It's just been a long night, okay. Let's go home."

SJ snorted. "_You're_ saying that, huh." He sighed. "Look, whatever people will say about me tomorrow... I don't care. I've dealt with worse before; I'll just figure it out on my own."

"But you don't have to," LQG said, unexpectedly fierce and _finally_ looking at SJ. "You didn't do anything wrong, so why should you have to fight back the rumours on your own?"

"Because people talk about me?" SJ said in disbelief. "They always have. And if I speak up then _I'm_ the one protesting too loudly - "

"You won't have to," LQG repeated. "I promise, my shidis won't say a word about what happened tonight."

"Or what," SJ countered.

"Or I'll kick them out of Bai Zhan myself."

"I..." SJ gaped. "You can do that?"

"Yeah. Shizun won't care either. It'll be their fault for running their mouths too. Which they won't." LQG shrugged. "Those guys are all idiots, but they'll listen."

"Uh... yeah. Okay," SJ said blankly.

"Look. I know it's not everything," LQG said. "But if I can help you, then I want to help." He smiled, looking a little more like himself again. "So whenever you need me, just say the word, yeah?"

"Um. Sure." SJ coughed. "Show off."

Still, his heart couldn't help but flutter.

*

"Wanna spar?"

"Oh piss off, Qingge. We're not kids anymore." SJ batted at LQG with his fan. "What's wrong with you, honestly. Look at all this finery we're dressed in and just _where_ we're at first."

"Oh, I'm looking," LQG droned on, then added in a low voice: "God, Huan Hua is the most boring place alive."

SJ burst out cackling despite himself. "All they do is boast about how rich they are, as if they do anything but milk mortals for talismans all day long," he sniffed.

"Did you even _see_ the demonstration one of Palace Master Chen's brats put on? I've seen better calligraphy from one of our stable hands!"

"Exactly." LQG grinned. "So. Wanna spar?"

"Hmph. Fine."

They went at it in one of the secluded courtyards, forgetting about the feast they were supposed to be attending entirely as they battled under the moonlight, Xiu Ya and Cheng Luan singing in tandem even as they clashed.

As the years went on SJ had become a better swordsman through leaps and bounds, but he'd never gotten the better of LQG until now, when he managed to tackle the man off guard and pin him to the ground, ordering in a sharp tone, "Yield."

"I yield," LQG said breathlessly, staring up at him with the moon in his eyes, and SJ's heart skittered and skipped a beat.

"I win," he whispered, nervous all of a sudden, and aware he was straddling LQG by the waist. He should get off, shouldn't he? The ground was _filthy_, and mucking up both their fine clothes...

Instead, LQG parted his pale mouth, and then SJ bent down and kissed him.

LQG tasted soft and dry and a little like mint leaves, but when SJ pulled back the look he got was too surprised to be anything but rejection.

SJ's stomach curdled in disappointment all over again. "So - sorry," he said, scrambling off in mortification. "I thought - "

"No, shixiong, wait." LQG grabbed him by the forearm. "Don't go," he pleaded. "I was just shocked, that's all. That doesn't mean I didn't like it. Can we try again?"

"No, the moment's ruined," SJ sniffled, too embarrassed to look at him. "Don't kiss me out of _pity_, you bastard..."

"It's not pity." LQG cupped his face, gazing at him with dark and tender eyes. "Shixiong, I... I've liked you for a long time. I just didn't think you'd ever feel the same way. That was why..." He swallowed. "Please let me kiss you again. I promise I'll do better this time."

"You only get one more chance," SJ whispered. "That's it."

"That's all I need, then," LQG murmured back. "Just give me one more chance, Qingqiu..."

"Mm."

SJ closed his eyes then, feeling LQG's breath mist over his own, softer than cloud and gentler than air.

And this time, they got it right.

*

"Just one more, you bastard, just stay alive for one more fucking second..."

"Qingqiu," LQG wheezed. "It's okay. Let go."

"Shut up, asshole, you don't get to talk." SJ's upper half was splattered with blood, his hands bloody red on LQG's gaping chest wound. "If you die everyone's going to think _I_ killed you, so you have to live, you _have_ to live even it fucking kills me instead..."

He was crying. He didn't seem to realise it, but SJ had started crying a long time ago, tears streaming silently down his face as he tried to pour qi into the leaking sieve of LQG's dying body.

And it wouldn't be enough.

LQG could feel his life slipping away already, even as SJ tried to work his magic. It was too late; he was too far gone.

Even so...

"'m sorry," he grunted, breath rattling around in his lungs. "Wish I'd known before..."

"Don't _talk_," SJ said wildly. "Pull yourself together and focus! You can do this, I know you can - "

"Shixiong," LQG whispered. He'd never called SJ that before, and the other man knew it too, shaking his head.

"No, no, no..."

"Should have been better," LQG rasped. "Should have been kinder to you. All those things I said about you... 'm sorry. You never deserved it."

"Now's not the _time_!" SJ yelled. "Please, Liu Qingge, have your fucking epiphany later and just stay with me! Please, please...

"Just give me one more chance, I'm begging you..."

_Me too,_ LQG thought with the last of his breath, when words finally failed him and he could speak no longer.

_Qingqiu, all I want is one more chance with you.

Please, just give me one more chance...

Please..._

*

And then he was nineteen again.

"Ugh, can you _believe_ that asshole, Liu-shixiong? What gave him the right to act so haughty like that even _after_ trying to trip you up? What a sore loser!"

LQG blinked. "Who," he said hoarsely. "Who's a sore loser."

His shidi gave him an odd look. "Uh, Shen Qingqiu? From Qing Jing? Your fight was just ten minutes ago. Do you want me to call Mu-shidi - "

"No, no. It's fine." LQG shook his head. "Just tell me where he is right now."

"Probably in the Qing Jing tent. Hey, are you going to teach him a lesson - "

LQG left the Bai Zhan tent without another word, marching through the crowds of wandering cultivators and disciples until he saw the pale green Qing Jing tent and ducked inside before anyone could protest - and then stopped dead in his tracks.

There, sitting on a cot and muttering something low under his breath, sat a thin young man in white robes, a purpling bruise on the side of his beautiful jaw, long black hair in a messy low ponytail over one shoulder.

Qingqiu, oh Qingqiu...

LQG still didn't fully understand what had just happened. He had been - he _thought_ he'd been dying in the Lingxi Caves and would enter into the reincarnation cycle.

Instead, he found himself back in his nineteen-year-old body on the day he had first met and fought SJ at the interpeak competition. Had the past twenty years of his life just been a dream? Had he just woken up _now_?

Or had the heavens heard his dying pleas and granted him his heart's true wish - a second chance with his Qingqiu, a chance to do _right_ by him this time?

Because if so...

There was only one way to find out. LQG pinched himself to make sure he wasn't still dreaming, then stepped forward and said:

"Are you alright?"

THE END

(Ta daa, surprise thread!! The Nuggets won 3-0 tonight so I'm happy hehe. Anyway this AU isn't too serious but I've always wanted to write a The Wife Is First kind of regretti AU for liujiu, so here you go!

LQG dies in PIDW, realises he got SJ's character all wrong and wishes he had one more chance to do right by him... and gets transplanted back to his youth self to do it all over again.

All the scenes except for his "death" scene takes place in the changed timeline, which is why LQG is like that haha. He definitely wouldn't have been that chill in his first life, but here he just wanted to understand SJ more a little.

His reaction in the well scene is him realising first hand that SJ ALSO meant to save him in the original timeline and going "oh god I'm such a moron" as a result. He was also DYING over SJ in the brothel but shh, let SJ assume otherwise.

Hope you enjoyed reading!)