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May 21 61 tweets 12 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
nevermind i was in the mood so here!

#faralex - spontaneous babysitter

“Fucking finally.” Valeria muttered to herself as she heard the last car pull away from the house, leaving the property vacant. She had been fluffing around in the bushes for almost two hours now, because
for some reason task force 141 and friends liked to take their time when leaving. Someone was always forgetting something or switching cars… At one point she considered just giving up and going home because she was that annoyed but her need to annoy Alejandro was far greater.
The woman climbed from the bushes, heading to the back of the house where she knew there was an open window, because these men were as forgetful as a school of goldfish. Valeria sometimes wondered how any of them passed the entrance exam for the military, but alas, that was a
long time ago for most of them.

Valeria moved a stray trash can under the open window, using it to boost herself up and through. On the other side was one of the house's many bathrooms, and it was a ghastly shade of yellow. Alejandro's mother, bless her soul, had the worst
taste when it came to interior decorating.

For some reason, in the task force’s search for Valeria, they had found themselves in the Las Almas countryside - where Alejandro’s childhood home was located. It was big enough to house the entire group comfortably so they decided to
set up base camp here. Valeria’s men had been monitoring them for weeks, but the cartel boss had grown bored of waiting for them to finally find her and she decided to take matters into her own hands and mess with them a bit.

Valeria had someone send a fake tip in about her,
causing the entire task force to leave the house unguarded. She wasn’t going to do much, just steal all of the ammo they left behind and move a few things around.

She was bored, this was the only thing she had to entertain herself.

Besides, she was looking forward to the fights
that were going to break out between the group because of this.

What could she say? She was born to cause chaos.

“Alright, let's have a look shall we.” She hummed to herself as she exited the bathroom, outwardly cringing as she saw the state the house was in. “Jesus Christ
Alejandro, your mother is rolling in her grave.”

There was shit everywhere, but what else did she expect from a group of men in the military? Of course they lived like slobs.

Valeria turned her nose up in disgust at the mess as she tentatively stepped through it, making sure
she didn’t leave too much of a trace. It was not like they would even notice if anything was out of place anyway, they would probably just assume it was like that when they left.

And with that, Valeria began her sweep of the house.

She started in the office, where Captain
Price and Alejandro had shacked up, and immediately located both of their personal bags. The woman knew she probably shouldn’t snoop, but it was too tempting not to, but she quickly learnt her lesson when she found a rather suggestive magazine tucked in the back of Price’s bag.
“Oh god, figures you would be into that.” She muttered to herself, trying her best not to cringe as she tucked the magazine back where it was when she found it. Valeria quickly exited the room after that, continuing her rounds.
Sooner or later she found herself in the living room, hands still empty. Either they had hidden their ammunition well or they had taken everything with them, cause she could not find a single weapon. It was strange to say the least, but she continued to look anyway. Maybe she
would come across something else that was important enough to steal and something that would mildly annoy the group if it went missing.

However, her search was cut short as the front door to the house swung open, revealing a very flustered looking woman with a child on her hip.
She was clearly in a rush.

Valeria, standing directly in front of the door, had no time to hide. So she just offered the other woman a small wave.

“Hi.” The other woman huffed, throwing what looked to be a baby bag onto the counter, before placing the child she was holding onto
the ground. “You go find uncle Gaz, I need to get ready.”

<i>Uncle Gaz?</i> Valeria asked herself. Sure, she knew little to nothing about task force 141 but she doubted that Gaz would have his siblings and their children out here on the field with him. Especially if they were
civilians. But hey, what did she know?

Valeria watched the other woman for a moment before she realised she needed to come up with a cover story and fast. They were out here looking for HER, if she was caught here it was over for here.

“Uh, the sergeant isn’t here.” Valeria
spoke up finally. “He went with the rest of them.”

“Are you serious?” The other woman groaned, putting her head in her hands. “He told me he would babysit! Price said he needed me out there.”

“It sounded pretty serious… maybe he needed all of you?” Valeria reasoned, trying
not to roll her eyes at how dumb she sounded out loud.

“Well I can’t go now.” The other woman sighed, straightening up slightly. “Not when I have this one here.”

As if on cue the child ran back into the room, looking rather distraught.

“I can’t find him!” She said sadly, her
eyes brimming with tears.

“I know, baby.” Her mother consoled her. “He isn’t here right now.”

“But you said-”

“I know what I said, but things changed.” The other woman said softly.

Just then, Valeria saw her only way out of this situation.

“I could watch her while you go out
there, if the Captain really needed your help.” She offered quickly, raising her brows at the other woman. She would just offer to watch the child and leave the moment the kid fell asleep, because that's all they did, right? Sleep?

Well, it was the only choice she had right now.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” The mother asked, a frown forming on her face.

“My bad, I’m with Los Vaqueros.” Valeria shrugged. “You can call me Val.”

The other woman looked at her for a long moment before her face softened slightly.

“Price did say it was urgent…” She trailed off
f. “Nice to meet you, by the way. You can call me Farah.”

“Go, she will be fine, I promise. I am a very good babysitter.” Valeria promised, doing her best to look as sincere as possible. She hadn’t babysat since she was sixteen, but surely some of that was still locked away some
where.

Farah just nodded slowly, crouching to meet her daughter's gaze.

“Will you be a good girl and wait here with this nice lady for mama?” She asked, tilting her head at the girl. The child nodded eagerly, her dusty blonde girls bouncing all over the place.

“Mhm! I will be
good.” She chirped happily.

“That's my girl.” Farah said, leaning in to plant a kiss on her cheek before she jumped up and grabbed a gun out of one of the higher cupboards in the room. Makes sense, when you have a five year old around. And now Valeria knew exactly where the
ammunition was.

“I’ll be back soon!” Farah called as she rushed to the door, not even sparing them a second look before she was gone. Leaving Valeria and the five year old by themselves.

“Well.” Valeria said, breaking the silence. “What do we do for fun around here?”
The quicker she could tire this kid out, the quicker she could grab the ammunition and the quicker she could get out of here. Now Farah and the kid had seen her, her cover was totally blown though. Oh well, she was sure it would piss Alejandro off even more, knowing she was right
under his nose this whole time.

“Not much.” The five year old said solemnly. “Grandpa Price says we must behave when we are here.”

“Grandpa Price sounds like a bore.” Valeria said with a small smile, bending down to the child's height. “I’m Val, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Sadia!
” The child replied, holding the doll in her arms out towards the older woman. “And this is Bonbon!”

“Nice to meet you both.” Valeria nodded, looking around the room for a moment before an idea dawned on her. “How about we go for a little adventure, huh?”

“Where?” Sadia gasped,
her eyes brimming with curiosity.

“Just into the attic.” Valeria smirked, jumping to her feet before she skipped over to the stairs. “A little birdie told me that there might be a box of toys up there.” At least she hoped it was still there, she hadn't set foot in this house
since she was in her teens. So much had happened since then, she had no idea if Alejandro and his sisters had thrown their old toys out but it was worth a shot.

“Okay, watch your step.” Valeria muttered as she managed to pry the heavy door to the attic open. She could tell no
one had been up here in a long time considering the amount of dust that was floating about and how the door was jammed shut. She half expected the child with her to protest about how damp and dingy it was but she just cheered with glee.

“A secret hideout!” Sadia shouted,
running straight into the room and doing a couple of laps before she stopped dead in the centre, looking up at the large, stained glass skylight. “But this will not do.”

“Hmm? Why’s that?” Valeria asked as she scanned the shadows of the room for that old, red toybox she
remembered from her childhood.

“Mama says a good hideout has no windows! That way the enemy can’t see you!”

Valeria felt her heart break a little at that sentence. No child should ever have to deal with stuff like this, but she knew better than to make a comment about it.
“See how the window is different colours, though?” Valeria asked as she joined the girl in the middle of the room, pointing up to the skylight.

“Mhm.”

“Well that means no one can see through unless they are really close. So they would have to climb on the roof to see us, and
no one does that.” Valeria explained, trying not to laugh at the look on the girl's face.

“Uncle Soap does, he falls off a lot as well.” The girl informed her.

“I’m sure he does.” Valeria chuckled, finally catching sight of the toybox in the corner. “Aha! I found it!”

Not even
five minutes later the attic floor was covered with dress ups and dolls and toys of all shapes and kinds. Sadia had sifted through the large toy box with ease, not stopping until she finally found some tattered looking old barbie dolls at the bottom.

“Here!” Sadia demanded,
handing one to Valeria. “You can be the evil lady and I will be Mama trying to stop you!”

Valeria pursed her lips at this statement.

“Evil lady?” She questioned, trying to draw more information out of the child.

“Yeah, mama said there's this really evil lady they have to fight
!” Sadia explained, holding the barbie doll above her head. “Uncle Rudy said she would steal all my favourite books if she saw me, so I am to stay far away from her!”

“Oh is that so.” Valeria replied, trying her best not to roll her eyes. “You know she might not be that bad.”
“She has to be!” Sadia declared, shuffling closer to Valeria as if what she was about to say next was some sort of secret. “Mama says she hangs out with Peppa Pig and I really don’t like Peppa Pig. She scares me! Pigs should not speak!”

Valeria just nodded slowly at the child,
oh what she would give to have this childlike innocence back again.

“Okay then little ladybug.” The older woman sighed, finally giving in to the child. “I will be the evil lady. But! I don’t think she is actually as evil as you say, you should give her a chance.”
Sadia contemplated this thought for a moment before she shook her head furiously. Valeria barely had any time to react before she was being attacked full force by a barbie.

“Never!”

About thirty minutes later, Farah had finally managed to catch up with the rest of the group.
But instead of looking happy to see her, nearly every single one of them looked confused.

“What are you doing here?” Price asked, hurrying up to the girl.

“I’m here to help, like you asked.” Farah responded, her very own look of confusion forming on her face. “Or was that not
you who sent the message?”

“No it was.” Price said, running his hands over his face in frustration. “But then Gaz said you told him to come instead, so we didn’t expect you to show up.”

“No, I told him to babysit.” Farah replied, shooting a very angry glare in Gaz’s direction,
but the sergeant refused to look at either of them.

“How did you guys manage to mess this up this bad?” Ghost grumbled from where he was sitting. next to him stood Alex, who was currently busy doing a headcount of the group.

“Uh, Farah…” He said after a moment. “If you’re here
and so is Gaz… who is watching Sadia?”

Farah did not share the look of panic on her husband's face, shrugging rather nonchalantly.

“One of the Vaqueros was still at base.” She informed them, and as soon as the words left her mouth she knew something was wrong.

“Farah, all the
Vaqueros are here.” Rudy said quietly. “This was a big tip, we didn’t want to risk losing her again.”

“Fucking hell.” Alejandro hissed, shaking his head in anger, as if he already knew the answer to the question he was about to ask. “Who exactly was this person?”

“She seemed
nice.” Farah said, her own panic finally beginning to set in.

“SHE?” Soap nearly shouted.

“Yeah, she said her name was Val-”

Before Farah could even finish the sentence, the men were running past her back to the car at full speed. In hindsight it most definitely was a bad idea
, but it seemed fine during the moment. This is just what happens when you’re working a full time job and raising a kid. Alex was never going to let her live this down.

It took them another half an hour before they reached base camp again, not even stopping the cars as they
raced up to the house, bursting through the front door with guns blazing. None of them had any idea what to expect when they reached the house, this was El Sin Nombre they were dealing with after all…

… but what they did not expect to find was Valeria and Sadia sat on the
couch watching what seemed like a very intense episode of little einsteins while snacking away on some yoghurt Valeria had managed to track down.

“Mama! Baba!” Sadia cheered happily when she saw the group that had burst through the door, jumping down so she could race to hug the
pair of them. As soon as she was in arms reach, Alex had scooped her up, holding her close to his chest as he showered her with kisses.

“Finally, I was wondering how long it would take you lot to realise.” Valeria mumbled under her breath as she got up from the couch, holding
her arms up as Alejandro aimed his gun at her. “You know.” She said as she approached them. “This yoghurt tastes like ass, who buys almond milk yoghurt?!”

“I enjoy it.” Price replied, scrunching his nose up in offence. “And I am lactose intolerant, it's all I can eat.”
“You shouldn’t reveal your weaknesses to me, captain.” Valeria teased, pointing a finger at the man before she turned her attention to the group who was clearly fussing over the child. “She’s fine, by the way, I am a great babysitter.”

“Shut up.” Alejandro hissed, pointing his
gun at her again.

“It’s true!” Sadia said with a happy smile plastered over her face, clearly unaware of what was actually happening here. “Aunty Val let me play with the barbies and she taught me a card game called poker… It was really weird. But then we drew pictures and
watched TV!”

“See?” Valeria said, raising her shoulders ever so slightly. “I think Aunty Val should get the best babysitter award.”

“Yes, I agree.” Sadia said with a prompt nod, but the adults were not having it.

“I do not agree.” Alex huffed angrily, still holding his baby
girl as tightly as he could.

“Neither do I.” Alejandro hissed, his hand still trained on his gun.

“Well.” Valeria sighed, pausing as she pressed her lips into a thin line. She thought over all her options for a moment before she opened her mouth to speak once again, but instead
of speaking she just turned on her heels and raced for the back of the house.

Alejandro was quick to follow, and then Rudy, and then Soap, the three of them shouting all kinds of profanities.

“Are they playing tag? Baba put me down. I want to play too!” Sadia begged, but Alex
would not budge, shooting an angry look at his wife.

“I cannot believe you just left our daughter with a drug lord.” He hissed, but Farah just rolled her eyes.
“Oh so when I do it, I’m a bad parent, but when you leave her alone with Graves for two hours it just an honest mistake?” She fired back easily.

“It was an honest mistake!”
-

FIN!

this is also on ao3 if you wanna read it there!
archiveofourown.org/works/47323351

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