Thread by @alpharivelino

WHAT IS PICKUP?

A lot of good, well intentioned men misunderstand what pickup/PUA is all about

Pickup has gotten a reputation as something silly & stupid, or worse, something hateful & misogynistic

But pickup at its core, and at its best, is just helping men flirt with women

Flirting with women is not easy

It doesn’t come naturally to most men

In fact, it’s often the most sincere, caring, respectful men who have the hardest time flirting with women — because they are sincere, they don’t want to offend women or make women feel uncomfortable

Being sincere hurts them in the dating market

Women often see these men as timid and boring

These men get overlooked and friendzoned

Instead, women are more likely to sexually consider the men who are brash, arrogant, bold, blatantly sexual

Boldness is exciting to women

At its best, pickup is an education in social skills and concepts that help men — especially sincere respectful men — flirt with women in a fun, playful, effective way

A bit less sincere, a bit more cheeky and playful

A bit less boring and timid, a bit more charming and daring

Approaching a girl is not easy

Asking her for her number is not easy

Texting with her is not easy

Getting her on a date is not easy

Going for the kiss is not easy

Getting a second date is not easy

Getting her excited for sex is not easy

Being good in bed is not easy

None of this is easy

None of this comes naturally

All of this takes skill, practice, resilience, trial & error

Having experienced older men give useful guidelines & mentorship helps a lot

And this is what pickup/game is all about

Teaching younger men how to flirt with girls

Ideally, pickup is a skill used by men to help them find love

And in my experience, that’s what most young men want — to find love, to find a great GF, to find someone to fall in love with, to overcome their own loneliness

This is healthy

We aren’t meant to be alone in life

Getting back to these good, well intentioned men —

A lot of them dismiss pickup/game without ever having tried to study it, and then they denounce it

That’s irresponsible, but like I said, I can see how it’s easy to make that mistake. It’s easy to see pickup as something stupid

The ironic thing is that some of these men struggle “behind the scenes” in their own relationships — and game concepts would actually help their marriages

But they’ve convinced themselves that game is stupid

And they have to maintain an outward image of being a marriage expert

I am not an expert when it comes to love, sex, women or marriage

There are many things I still don’t know

And there are many mistakes I keep on making

I make mistakes with women every single day

Right now I’m making a mistake (writing this instead of doing something else)

The best way to box yourself into a corner is to label yourself an expert

If you’re an expert, you can’t learn anything new from anyone else

You’re stuck

You’ve become stiff, frozen, calcified

Saying “I’m an expert” is the opposite of having the beginner’s mindset

I’ve been studying game/pickup for over ten years

It has changed my life

I’m still not an expert, though

In some areas, in fact, I still make the mistakes of a beginner

For example, I *still* have the tendency to pedestalize and idealize pretty girls

The fact that I still make beginner’s mistakes is good

It helps keep me humble

It helps me relate to actual beginners from a place of camaraderie and not look down on them from a place of arrogance

It forces me to keep on repeating the basics to myself and to my followers