Thread by @Mylovanov

This last week I am a Ukrainian in Europe.

People are very nice and kind to me, but they don’t know how to interact. I have just come back from a wartime country and this is a barrier.

Here are some do and don’t that work for me (but they might not be universal) 1/

1. Be genuine. Do say that you support Ukraine, feel terrible about the lives lost, and that Ukrainians are going through this.

It is okay to talk war, it is good for us to feel support. Let’s be human!

Don’t show fake support if you don’t feel this way. That’s ok too 2/

2. Don’t do small talk. I don’t really enjoy it. People ask about when I arrived, if my flight was okay, how much did I sleep.

To me these questions seem irrelevant. As I am typing this tweet, I got a message that an air alert is over. 3/

The war never leaves me, even if I am far way. That’s why small nice talk feels out of place for me.

3. Don’t say “we hope you can forget about the war and relax, get your mind off the war”. For me it can actually be insulting depending on how it is said. 4/

People are dying in my country and I am here and should be “trying to forget about the war”? No, in fact the sense of urgency, the desire to do everything I can to bring the victory forward become more acute here. 5/

So, don’t try to bring normalcy in my life. It won’t happen. Instead,

4. Do engage with me in any projects and ideas that can help Ukraine win the war, help save more Ukrainian lives, or build a better future. 6/

5. Don’t tell me that “I am angry”, “I need to take it easy”, “I am traumatized”, or “I shouldn’t work that hard because I will burn out”.

I am all of those things - angry, traumatize, but crazy motivated and efficient - at once. And it is normal to be like that in war. 7/

I come here to work on getting the victory faster be it fundraising, communication, economic funding, recovery, EU enlargement or whatever else

6. Minimize my interaction with logistics. My mind is elsewhere, I can miss connections, forget to book a taxi, or pay something. 8/

In some way I feel guilty about being here during the war, even if for a short time. So, I must get out the max out of this trip. I am paranoid if I use my time efficiently to help Ukraine fight.

I think this perspective is the key towards h detest adding my behavior here. 9/

76. This means anytime spent that doesn’t lead to some constructive progress towards my war related work I consider wasted. You can teach us better understand Europe, you can share knowledge, introduce us to people to create connections, or advise on any important topic 10/

It can be anything, but it must be focused, relevant, and as I said genuine.

For example, “let me intro you to this guy, he works on Ukraine on this, for you might be useful to ask him or propose to him this” . 11/

8. Context. Often, I don’t understand the context, so it has to be provided. There is never enough context ;))

9. I am traumatized. So, please have patience with me and forgive me when I loose attention or overreact. But don’t patronize me. Treat me as even. 12/

10. If you want to provide a sense of normalcy, do it through an experience. An Indian restaurant, a visit to a theater, or a defense of a PhD student. But don’t talk about it, do it.

I hope these reflections are helpful. They apply to me, bit probably not to everyone.

It is… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…