Jimmy Turner, MD Profile picture
Jun 13 7 tweets 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
I was at the beach. It was bedtime, and I was tucking my two kids in bed.

As I read The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe to them, that’s when we heard sirens go by the beach house

A few minutes later, we heard the helicopter landing in the field behind our house. Strange.

1/
My 3 and 6 year olds were excited by helicopters. So we went to check it out.

When we went on the back porch, the helicopter was there in the field, but so was the ambulance we heard earlier

Someone was undergoing an air-evac behind our house

… but something was wrong.

2/
The patient was taking too long to come off the truck.

So, I walked down in my Wake Forest baseball shorts and white t-shirt looking like a beach bum since we were on our annual beach vacation.

As I approached the truck, I was met by one of the EMTs, and said

3/
I’m sure you don’t need my help, but I’m a doctor and I am happy to help if you need it.

“Well, we can’t get the breathing tube in.”

Oh, really? I am an anesthesiologist.

That’s when the older EMT trying to intubate said “please, come save me. I can’t get it.”

4/
They caught me up on what had happened (the patient had fallen two stories from their beach house).

I surveyed the scene, noted the patients blown pupils, and then put the breathing tube in while their head/chin was taped to the back board.

It was sad.

5/
After the patient was on the chopper, I walked back to the house.

Once back inside, I expected to keep reading CS Lewis to my kids, just like I would walking in from a shift at the hospital.

But that’s when I realized that while this was normal for me, it wasn’t for them.

6/
Explaining the trauma we experience to our family is challenging

Trying to explain how we’re able to see traumatic things without it ruining us is more challenging

I’ve learned that while I need that skill to do my job, I also need to process trauma to be human.

#Medtwitter

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More from @TPP_MD

May 26
The stress was real.

I thought about moving. I thought about going part-time. I even thought about leaving medicine.

… but I believe in making a diagnosis before treating a problem.

What was the diagnosis? It turns out it was a lack of autonomy and feeling under valued

1/
As a husband & dad, having no control over missing the tee ball games, recitals, and school events started to get to me.

And my wife took the brunt of it. She deserved better.

I also didn’t have a ton of control over my assignments at work.

My autonomy was under attack.

2/
Probably worse was that I felt completely undervalued and unappreciated.

I felt like a number on an excel sheet.

A cog in the wheel.

No matter how much I loved medicine, the hospital was never going to love me back.

I didn’t feel I like belonged.

3/
Read 8 tweets
May 25
I was 3 years into being an attending physician when I found I was unhappy.

I told myself once I….

…Pay off my loans
…Buy a bigger house
…Get promoted

THAT is when I’ll be happy. Except I’d get there, and the happiness was fleeting.

This is called an Arrival Fallacy

1/
The Arrival Fallacy is when we focus on the horizon hoping that someday we will get “there” and be happy

… but Gertrude Stein had it right when she said “There is no ‘there’ there”

When we place our happiness in “Once I..” or “Someday..” an Arrival Fallacy is not far away

2/
The term Arrival Fallacy was coined by @TalBenShahar and is pervasive in medicine.

Once I graduate med school
Once I am an attending
Someday when I get promoted

Yet each arrival only offers temporary life satisfaction and a fleeting hit of dopamine

So, what’s the answer?

3/
Read 5 tweets
May 23
When I was an intern I botched a central line on a septic patient with an INR > 4

As the large hematoma started to form my upper level - while putting on a gown - said,

“Well, you’ll never do THAT again.”

That’s when the self-judgement started to eat me alive…

1/
As an aspiring anesthesiologist in training, I ended up staying up all night, unable to sleep.

All because of one mistake.

The problem is that I made this one mistake mean that I was going to be a terrible anesthesiologist. It was a sign.

This is called overgeneralization

2/
Overgeneralization is the process of taking one moment and making it determine your identity.

Instead of saying “That was a mistake” I made it mean “I am a mistake”

How do we defeat this?

The antidote to overgeneralization and imposter syndrome is self-compassion.

3/
Read 6 tweets

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