Thread by @bingjiuwus

#liujiu, Bai Zhan SJ AU EXTRA I PART III (nsfw):

"And what can we humble ladies do to make the esteemed gentlemen comfortable tonight?"

https://twitter.com/bingjiuwus/status/1661988042289332226

The moment the red-robed courtesan murmured those words, the scent of rosewater wafting from her gauzy layers and the gold glitter on the corner of her eyes shimmering in tandem with the extravagant hairpin dangling from her updo like a wind chime,

her meimeis clustered around her with musical instruments in their arms, Liu Qingge thought he would burst into flames right then and there.

Somehow, in less time than it took for a stick of incense to get going (much less burn out!), Shen Jiu had ambled into the Red Warm Pavilion like an old patron would, sweet-talked the wary greeter into booking them a lavish room on the second floor of the house,

and not one, not two, but a whopping _five_ women had come to accompany them for the night! All who looked like they had stepped out of a watercolour painting for the occasion with their delicate painted faces and richly patterned clothes

and coquettish shy gazes that genuinely widened in shock and pleasure when SJ and LQG finally took their cloaks off and they saw the faces of just who they'd be spending the evening with.

_Hey now_, LQG grumbled to himself when one of the girls looked at SJ and then actually _blushed_ visibly under her white powder. _Don't get any ideas here, he's taken._

(As for the bright and curious gazes peeking at _him_, he didn't care. He knew he was good-looking. So what!)

LQG had never been in a brothel before - never even come close to the world of perfumed flowers and women who sold their bodies for money.

(Some men, too.)

Any cultivator who spent time in a brothel deserved a beating, for indulging in carnal pleasures and straying from the immortal's path, from a life of cleanliness and virtue.

It wasn't that a cultivator couldn't fall in love or have sex, unless they were an ascetic, but they couldn't - at least they shouldn't - not with women like these -

LQG's thoughts hit an uncomfortable wall. No one - at least not his parents - had ever told him prostitutes were dirty people.

They didn't need to.

He'd known from birth he was different, hadn't he? The first son of the Liu clan, a gifted child with yang energy so potent in his spirit veins he could rip a tree in half when he was six just to let off excess energy.

His whole family had known he would become a Peak Lord the day he left for Cang Qiong. He simply had to grow up first and the throne was already his.

He'd never been hungry in his life before, never been dirty before without knowing he'd be clean right after and someone else would wash his clothes for him, had never worried about someone thinking _he_ was unclean because of what he did to survive.

No one had ever looked down at LQG from high up on _their_ mountain and found him wanting just because he kept his mouth fed in a way that didn't please them.

(Like maybe... he was doing now?)

LQG kept his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself as he watched his husband come to life among these beautiful women and make _them_ comfortable, until the room was soon vibrating with energy and no one could take their eyes off of him.

"Jiejie, the brush strokes on your huadian are stunning," he said to one woman, who was wearing a red lotus on her pale brow. "You must do calligraphy in your spare time, right? They're better than a master's!"

"As if this lowly slave is so educated," she murmured back from behind her translucent sleeve, smiling nonetheless. "I merely paint a little."

"Don't cut yourself short," SJ said. "I can already tell your paintings must be exquisite."

LQG had never heard his husband wax on so poetically before, not even to the kitchen aunties who he was sure were the only group of women SJ spent time with otherwise.

He was pretty sure SJ had never said the phrase "so pretty even the moon must hide its face when you step out at night" to _him_, and the man was the love of his life!! What was even going on here?

And yet...

His husband was having a good time.

LQG realised that midway through the cup of osmanthus wine he'd taken just to be polite; SJ was glowing, and not just from the attention from the women who realised early on they weren't going to get anything from LQG.

It definitely wasn't the wine or snacks they kept offering him either, though the sugar-fried peanuts were pretty good munching fare. It was if...

Earlier, LQG had compared SJ's ease navigating the brothel like a patron. But he couldn't be, not really. He'd come to Bai Zhan at sixteen and never done anything like that for as long as LQG had known him - and by now he was sure his husband would have told him if he had!

But what about before? Wu Yanzi had made SJ kill under duress in the past; what other terrible line might have he crossed with his reluctant pupil and made him do?

LQG didn't know - and he wasn't going to force an answer either, not when the memories still haunted his beloved.

But whatever had led SJ to act so comfortable in a brothel, among its women, it definitely had nothing to do with how a patron might treat his favourites:

It was more like he was among friends.

And SJ _was_ among friends, LQG realised, when one of the women complimented his hands and he even held them out for her to ooh and aah over how elegant they looked, how neat and elegant his nails were, and even let her touch them and ask what he used to keep them so soft!

"I make the cream myself," SJ said smugly. "You can't buy this stuff anywhere; it would cost ten taels a jar."

When the women groaned in disappointment however, he lifted a brow and added: "Luckily I always carry small batches with me in case of emergencies."

He turned his mischievous gaze towards LQG, who just raised a brow in query. SJ winked and pulled a qiankun pouch from inside his sleeve,

the women gasping and whispering to each other when he took out half a dozen small wooden vessels from the seemingly empty pouch and held them out for everyone to take.

"Go ahead," he said with shining eyes. "It would be my honour if you tried it."

"The honoured guest is a cultivator?" one of the women asked.

"I am, yes." SJ smiled. "As is my husband."

Everyone turned to look at LQG, who again, just shrugged and ate another handful of peanuts. Yep, that was him, the silent eye candy on the arm and nothing more.

"Then..." Another woman began shyly, one who looked younger than the rest, "can we ask why the immortal masters would come to an establishment like ours? Begging the master's pardon, of course..."

"Suiyu! You can't say that!" someone scolded her. "Everyone has their reason!"

SJ grinned. "I agree. Men come to brothels for all and every purpose. Some for pleasure and some to pass the time, some to fill the void in their soul and because they have nowhere else to go. As for this one and I..."

He reached out and tugged LQG on the sleeve so they were practically hip to hip. "We came for your wonderful company, of course... and maybe a little knowledge if you'd be willing to enlighten us."

"Of course we would. But what could we possibly know that you already don't...?"

"I wonder," SJ said, and pinked.

Oh hell, he should say something, shouldn't he? LQG grabbed a small jar of nearby wine nearby and downed it in a single gulp, much to the shock of the girl next to him, whose jaw dropped in disbelief. Whatever!

"_We_," he said, wiping the corner of his mouth, "just got married a month ago, we've both been incredibly busy with work and life in general... and we know nothing about sex. Absolutely. Nothing," he emphasised, even as SJ turned bright red and choked on plain air.

"So," LQG continued, ignoring his own rabbiting heart, "would you lovely ladies help us out so we don't embarrass ourselves or accidentally hurt each other when we try something? _Please?_"

He hadn't said as much as three words to anyone before then, and everyone in the room - including his husband, who had his hands over his face - was rendered speechless by his outburst.

But shit, they'd come this far already, hadn't they? No point backing out now, even if LQG _also_ wanted to dig a hole just so he could bury himself in it.

"Um, something like that, yes," SJ finally squeaked. "Those were my thoughts exactly..."

LQG reached for him and squeezed one of his hands in reassurance. "Look," he said to the women.

"We're starting out from scratch and everything else I've tried to look up to help us," grimacing, "has told me pretty much everything _but_ how to actually enjoy sex and make it good for your partner. You're not men, but..." He hesitated. "You'd know something? Right?"

"... we would," said the courtesan in red robes with a small smile. "The gentleman truly has a way with words."

"He _does_, doesn't he," SJ said, and pecked LQG on the cheek. "Isn't he amazing?"

*

(tbc)

*

The women brought out _books_.

With illustrations.

The next shichen was the most illuminating of Liu Qingge's life, as five thoroughly animated and semi-drunk courtesans let go of their previously elegant and gentle demeanours and began explaining to the newlywed couple with intense and graphic detail about sex between men.

Was it eye-opening? Yes. Embarrassing as hell? Yeah, also. But LQG swallowed down the mortification he felt as he was lectured on the proper technique of stretching a "chrysanthemum" (and why were they targeting him specifically!! Did he look that much like a boor?!)

alongside his osmanthus wine (which he'd gotten really fond of, actually) and just tried his best to remember as much as he could.

Hell, after half a shichen had passed LQG even began to think there was something to these spring books...

The only saving grace was that SJ was hearing it all from the women too, face flushed pink and hand tight in LQG's, lip trembling from barely suppressed laughter all the while.

It was past midnight when the women retired for the night - thankfully in their own rooms - and they were left to their own devices.

Neither of them had the energy left to strip out of their robes so they just lay against each other in the red silken bed, SJ huffing quietly next to LQG in amusement.

"Well then, Qingge," his husband whispered now that the night was finally dark and calm. "Do you feel enlightened now?"

"I've reached nirvana, yes," LQG said flatly, and SJ burst into helpless giggles against his chest.

The heck, how was he like this when LQG had drunk twice as much? LQG tugged him closer and wrapped him in his arms, tucking SJ's head under his chin. "A'Jiu..."

"Mm?" SJ nuzzled his collarbone in a daze. "What is it?"

"Did you have fun tonight?"

SJ stilled, then lifted his head up to look at him. LQG gazed back with dark and curious eyes.

"I did," SJ said, and leaned in to kiss him. "How did you know?"

"You looked so happy." LQG cupped the back of his head, undid his guan with one hand and let SJ's hair fall loose. "And you talked a lot. You do usually, but not like that. It was nice."

"It was," SJ murmured. "I missed it."

He let out a long slow breath and rubbed his eyes. "When I was younger... with Wu Yanzi, he would take me to brothels sometimes, when he wanted to get his itch off. I could have, too, if I'd wanted. But I never did."

He swallowed. "I've never wanted to lie with a woman like that. And even if I did - I don't know if I could, in a place like this."

"Mm." LQG stroked his back, let his husband keep talking.

"But the girls were always so nice to me," SJ whispered. "We would play games and drink and talk about things that didn't matter. Sometimes they would even let me dress up in their clothes and I could forget I was a murderer for a moment.

I could just... exist in a pretty scented room like this, and forget about what Shifu would make me do tomorrow. And even if it was just for a night and they would never see me again, the women always made me feel like I was their friend. Like I could _have_ friends."

Oh, his heart. "The ladies tonight were pretty good too," LQG said in a soft voice. "They really liked you."

"I like them too. "SJ smiled. "And I know we shouldn't come to a place like this again, but..."

He drifted off, but LQG knew what he meant.

"A'Jiu," he said. "If you ever want to come back just for fun, you can. Everyone else can keep their mouths shut."

"Really?" SJ boggled. "And what if I came without you and someone saw me? What if people thought I was cheating on you? What then?"

"I seriously doubt you would ever cheat on me," LQG said. "You love me more than life itself."

"I love you," SJ crooned, "like the moon loves the sun. You're so bright and dazzling it's hard to look at you sometimes." His breath tickled against LQG's cheek. "But you're so warm too, and so strong and constant. And just like the sunrise I know you'll always be there for me.

Protect me, cherish me."

No one had ever spoken about LQG like that before, as if he had already ascended and become a god of martial warfare, or better yet, husbandly devotion.

"My Zhinu," he whispered, choked up and overwhelmed by the depth of SJ's love for him.

"Niulang," SJ murmured with soft and languid eyes. "When did you become such a poet, you clever thing? Song-shijie will have to watch out for you if she's not careful!"

LQG just grinned, and pulled his husband in until they were face to face, breath to breath.

"It's just easy to rhapsodize when I'm thinking about you. Anyone would kill to have you as a muse."

And then SJ kissed him, and they sank into the bedding and continued to kiss - and more, thanks to their newfound education - for the rest of the night.

*
(tbc)

*

"Thank you for coming today, Song-shijie."

SJ saluted the Qing Jing Peak Lord as soon she arrived on Bai Zhan with a flock of wary disciples clustered behind her - no doubt her former shidis and shijies, as the Qing generation had yet to hold their first disciple trials.

She inclined her head in greeting, embroidered tuanshan fan at her breast. "Everyone's been working so diligently at their poems since you decided to hold the contest and invite us; naturally, this master wanted to encourage their efforts.

We look forward to hearing your pupils' work as well. All of Qing Jing is intrigued."

_Ah_, SJ thought with a fixed smile as he led her and her group of ducklings towards the open air pavilion where the poetry contest was being held. _Cao Yu, you're fucking doomed._

Despite his initial heartlessness towards the boy's pleading for personal guidance before the contest (he who spake it, must take it!), SJ had grudgingly given into the brat and spent most of his precious evenings the past week getting Cao Yu's literary knowledge up to speed

as well as offering, well, constructive criticism on what the boy planned to recite at the contest.

_Which..._

Look, there was a reason he was from Bai Zhan to begin with, alright? Honestly, after this event SJ just hoped the boy would still be able to look at a book of poetry again without passing out in terror!

"A'Jiu. Shijie." LQG popped up out of nowhere, greeting SJ first even though it hadn't even been a quarter-shichen since the last time they saw each other and the Qing Jing Peak Lord outranked them both.

"Shidi." She smiled in response, luckily not the type to take offense. "The decorations are exquisite."

LQG shrugged non-commitally, while behind him a small army of disciples were running around putting the finishing touches on the venue, setting up chairs and benches

alongside tables loaded with cakes and fruit and nuts, stringing up ropes of night pearls on columns and poles even though it was still afternoon, and cramming every inch of flat surface with pots and vases full of lush blooming hydrangeas, blue and white and pink and purple.

Indeed, it was hard to imagine such a lush and delicate setting belonged to Bai Zhan of all places and not Qing Jing or Xian Shu - or that the people chiefly responsible for the decorations were a pack of overexcited and nervous teenage boys.

(Really, all SJ had done was provide the food budget!)

"We're glad you like it, shijie," SJ said. "The boys have been up all day and night getting things ready. Qingge." He raised a brow. "Won't you show everyone to their seats while they wait?"

"If you say so. This way, then." A bemused LQG led the Qing Jing Peak Lord and her ducklings towards their corner of the pavilion, where they sat down and a few of them began to nibble on the offered treats, but most of them either just conversed in low, cautious tones or

pulled out small slips of paper and stared at them long and hard.

Seemed like the kids on both sides were taking it seriously, SJ mused.

While his tutoring sessions with Cao Yu hadn't exactly been the most productive, he'd overheard Jin Ran in the library reciting his own work a few times, and that had been something. It was just good to know SJ wasn't the only bookworm in Bai Zhan anymore.

He spied Jin Ran among the helpers, putting together the grand floral showpiece at the front of the pavilion where the contestants would be speaking.

SJ watched in approval for a few moments, then turned his gaze here and there, then left the area entirely when he couldn't find who he was looking for.

In the end he found Cao Yu cowering in a small corner of the library, piles of crumpled paper around him.

SJ frowned, nudging the boy with his foot. "Hey. The contest's going to start soon; why aren't you helping the others?"

"What? Oh, Shen-shishu!" Cao Yu looked up at him in alarm, bags under his eyes; he looked like he'd been up all night. "The contest is today, huh? Ah..."

"Of course it is." SJ knelt down. "What is it? Lost your nerve all of a sudden?"

"What? No!" Cao Yu said. "Of course not, not when you've been teaching me so much. I just..." He grinned weakly. "Don't have the right poem to knock everyone's socks off yet?"

Oh god. "No one does," SJ sniffed. "You _are_ aware this is a poetry contest where all the participants are teenagers, right? Don't get delusional about your opponents either, even if they're from Qing Jing; there's only so much a fifteen-year-old has to say about the world,

jieyuan-in-training they might be."

"... yeah. I guess." Cao Yu's smile grew a little looser. "I, just, um... couldn't you have suggested an arm wrestling contest instead?"

"What was that?"

The boy cleared his throat. "I mean, Shen-shishu is very clever. The best."

Brat. SJ sighed, then pulled him by the ear.

"Ow! What the hell!"

"I remember," SJ said in a quiet voice, "the first time I talked to you. You were no taller than my elbow - " Cao Yu groaned in embarrassment. " - and your voice hadn't even dropped yet. But you were going on and on about how much you wanted to beat Qing Jing to a pulp.

Egg their dormitory for insulting Bai Zhan's honour or something like that. As if our honour was indeed so fragile." He raised a brow.

"Why _do_ you think I suggested a poetry contest and not something like arm wrestling, or archery - something you'd almost be certain to win outright?"

"... because it wouldn't be fair to them?" Cao Yu said hesitantly.

"Oh? Are you saying someone from Qing Jing would always lose to someone from Bai Zhan in a physical contest?"

"Well - no! But we fight and train all day, and they don't - at least, not like us. That's not their job." Cao Yu scratched his cheek. "But it's not like we study books and write poems all day either, so how is this fair to us either..."

"Isn't it?" SJ tilted his head. "I'm a Bai Zhan cultivator. I read and write a fair bit, don't I? Is there a rule saying I shouldn't do that?"

"No," the boy said. "But you're _different_."

(apologies that I keep doing these short burst updates nowadays, but my new work schedule means I pretty much just want to sleep when I get home, ergo the weekend is the only time I get any real writing done nowadays 🥲 this extra will be done soon though, I promise!)