Thread by @RichDecibels

"I never would have believed how quickly you can develop trust & belonging with a group of strangers" — we routinely get this feedback at the end of a 2-3hr workshop

I wanna explain how we do it...

people are lonely because they lack the social context that invites meaningful connections, NOT because the "right people" are so hard to find

my friends & I know how to create the ideal social conditions for people to find trust /belonging /safety /connection

in my mental model there are 3 key ingredients:

1. convening
2. hosting
3. social process

the convener is the person who gets the people in the room in the first place. they have the capacity to make a compelling invitation

the invitation is the thing that everyone has in common

if you've been a community organiser for a while you may be able to convene 50 people to spend a week together. if you're less experienced, maybe you can convene 3 ppl on Zoom for an hour, or 8 ppl for a dinner party

2nd ingredient: hosting

"hosting" is distinct from convening. the host orchestrates the group's attention once they are together

they're the DJ of the social dynamics, with faders marked "playfulness" "depth" "formality" etc

hosts define the boundaries

tensions always arise in any group. if the host is trusted by everyone, they can take many perspectives into account and be effortlessly decisive, gracefully navigating thru complex tensions

I never host alone because the interactions between co-hosts set the tone for the interactions between guests

want ppl to be curious, respectful, cheeky, relaxed? show them what it looks like. they will instinctively ape you

Number 3. Social Process

"social process" means the rules of the game. many ppl [outside of traditional cultures] feel alienated because the social games they're invited to are not satisfying (shallow encounters, transactional experiences, unkindness, dissociation)

when you're hosting you can invite ppl to play new social games

eg let's break up into pairs, answer this deep question, your partner will paraphrase back "it sounds like what is important to you is..."

as host, you decide what games we play. you have an extremely broad range of options, my suggestions most likely won't suit your context

but lets just say: I wouldn't rely on implicit/unstructured interactions to create meaningful connections

when we feel safety/trust/connection, parts of us come online that are otherwise kept hidden away. we find relief, healing & crystal-clear insight

the felt sense of belonging opens a channel to what's most meaningful

so ya, my friends & I know how to produce accelerated intimacy. it's a cool party trick, but it's not the endgame

I invite people into this state of bodymind so you can make consequential changes to your life, so you can reset your priorities towards more meaning & connection