Thread by @jasminericegirl

A personal thread on mental health, depression, and financial insecurity <3

Earlier this month, I resigned as a cofounder from Fanhouse, a company which was my heart and soul for 3 years. A lot of people have been asking me about how I’m doing, so I’ve decided to open up about some of the things that have happened in the last year.

Truthfully, I’ve been struggling with mental health for a pretty long time now, beginning around March of 2022 and worsening around the end of last year–mostly from the stresses of having to financially support my family on my own while also being a full-time founder.

Those who know me know that I come from a low-income family, I grew up on food stamps and have been homeless as a kid. Since I was 18, I’ve been providing for both of my parents after my mom got into a bad car accident–I pay all of our bills, rent, and over 6 figures of debt.

I’ve never talked about this publicly, but late last year, my family lost our house in Houston because of financial issues. My parents didn’t have another place to live, so they moved in with me into my company home office. I’ve been trying to save up money to house them again.

Last year, I also had to step down as an executive from Fanhouse and no longer had much input in many company decisions. I continued working to help creators as best as I could, but ultimately I had to watch as the company I loved headed in a different direction than I wanted.

I thought about quitting, but if I did, both my parents and I would be left without an income or place to live. I also didn’t want to give up on the company I started or let down the thousands of creators who relied on the platform, who I felt responsible for.

With all of the stress and anxiety I was under, between providing for my family, struggling with financial insecurity, trying to house my parents, growing a company under immense pressure, and feeling responsible for every creator, I started feeling like I couldn’t do it all.

I started struggling with depression and having suicidal thoughts. Most days I woke up and wished I wasn’t alive. I thought about killing myself often. I cried most days. I felt exhausted, burnt out, lost, and scared. I felt like I was always drowning. I felt like a failure.

For a long time, I didn't know who I could talk to. My friends were all creators or people I worked with. My family relied on me. I couldn't talk about anything publicly in case it affected the company. I felt trapped and powerless and really, really alone.

Despite my best efforts to keep Fanhouse running, my cofounders and investors decided to sell Fanhouse and shut down the company. It wasn’t a decision that I wanted, so I resigned, and I left the company without severance. I didn’t make any money from the sale.

People who know me know that I loved Fanhouse like it was my baby. I started Fanhouse out of my own experiences as a creator and really cared about our mission to empower creators and help people earn an income. Selling the company this way was a heartbreaking outcome to me.

But before I can even grieve about the end of the company I started and love, I also have to worry, once again, about taking care of my family. Not only do I not have a job anymore, but I’m also losing the platform I relied on for my creator income; I’m losing 2 incomes at once.

My parents are still living with me and relying on me to provide for them. I’ve been saving up to house them again, but I don’t make enough on my own. For the last 3 years at Fanhouse, I made a normal salary, less than we paid our engineers.

I feel really stuck in this cycle, that no matter how hard I work, I can’t do enough to help my family. Overcoming generational poverty is hard. Providing for your family alone is hard. Paying back debt is hard. It all feels really hopeless sometimes.

I try to not be resentful in my life, but sometimes I really wish I could have been a normal kid with a normal childhood. I wish I could enjoy my 20s. I wish I could just worry about taking care of myself, which is hard enough, without also having to care for disabled parents.

I wanted to make this thread because I know for a lot of people, life is really fucking hard, and I just wanted to say that you’re not alone and you don't have to suffer alone. I struggle and I wanted to be transparent about my struggle, now that I can finally talk about it.

My company lease ends in a month–that’s how long I have to figure out how to house my family again, and truthfully, I don’t know if I can. I don’t really know where we’re going to end up. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know if I’m going to be okay.

Honestly, I've had days where I thought maybe I wouldn't make it. I've had days that really scared me and my loved ones. I'm not going to let that part of me win, but I also don't want to be ashamed of the part of me that struggles either.

I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to struggle and to not have everything figured out. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to let people down. It’s okay to not be able to do everything. It’s okay to be sad. It's okay to ask for help.

Since Fanhouse is shutting down, I will be starting over memberships and exclusive content on a new page: . As I’m now solely relying on my creator income to provide for my family and make rent, any support really goes a long way <3jasminericegirl-shop.fourthwall.com

Thank you to everyone in my life who’s been so kind and supportive to me, including my friends, family, and so many of my followers. When life gets tough, I feel really lucky to have so much love in my life, which keeps me going and reminds me how much I have to live for.

For anyone who’s going through it right now, I hope you’re doing okay and I hope things look up soon. Please give yourself a lot of kindness. You’re an amazing person, people love you, and things will get better for all of us, I really believe that. It is going to be okay.