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Boys are knights in training.
A boy who is not becoming more dangerous will not be able to protect anything. He will not be able to ascend to any sort of manhood.
Here are 11 ways to raise dangerous sons. 🧵
A boy who is not becoming more dangerous will not be able to protect anything. He will not be able to ascend to any sort of manhood.
Here are 11 ways to raise dangerous sons. 🧵
1. Don’t tell your sons to be careful. Tell them to pay attention.
Expect your boys to be wild and get hurt. This is the glory of being a young boy. Skinned knees are an honor. Broken bones are a garland.
You should want to temper this wildness with wisdom.
Expect your boys to be wild and get hurt. This is the glory of being a young boy. Skinned knees are an honor. Broken bones are a garland.
You should want to temper this wildness with wisdom.
Show them how to pay attention to others and to their surroundings. Don’t undercut their zeal. Hone it.
You should be more concerned if a son does not get himself into dangerous situations from time to time. Survival is important, but it is not the most important virtue.
You should be more concerned if a son does not get himself into dangerous situations from time to time. Survival is important, but it is not the most important virtue.
2. Push your sons to expand their comfort zone.
Your sons must get used to going into new territory. This will serve them well for the rest of their lives. They will be able to walk into new situations and, if not conquer them, at least surveil with confidence.
Your sons must get used to going into new territory. This will serve them well for the rest of their lives. They will be able to walk into new situations and, if not conquer them, at least surveil with confidence.
Fear and nervousness are ok as long as your son pushes through.
The best way to push them to expand their comfort zone is to walk alongside them as they attempt it.
The best way to push them to expand their comfort zone is to walk alongside them as they attempt it.
3. Praise your sons for effort, not just success.
Nothing encourages timidity like criticizing for failure and only praising when there has been a success. This is true in academics and in sports. If your son makes a sincere effort, praise it.
Nothing encourages timidity like criticizing for failure and only praising when there has been a success. This is true in academics and in sports. If your son makes a sincere effort, praise it.
You should go wild and bonkers when your sons succeed.
You should also say you are proud of them in defeat.
Not every battle can be won, and some battles are worth fighting, even if you know you will lose. They should not back down from a fight just because it looks hopeless.
You should also say you are proud of them in defeat.
Not every battle can be won, and some battles are worth fighting, even if you know you will lose. They should not back down from a fight just because it looks hopeless.
4. Teach your sons to delight in strength, but be sympathetic to weakness.
Encourage them to be physically strong. Join them in roughhouse play. Train with them. Work their muscles until they are tired.
Give them the gift of seeing their strength grow through effort.
Encourage them to be physically strong. Join them in roughhouse play. Train with them. Work their muscles until they are tired.
Give them the gift of seeing their strength grow through effort.
But also teach your sons that there are different kinds of strength and courage.
They shouldn't look down on others without physical strength but seek opportunities to use their strength to bless those weaker than themselves. Spend time around older people. Visit the sick.
They shouldn't look down on others without physical strength but seek opportunities to use their strength to bless those weaker than themselves. Spend time around older people. Visit the sick.
Your sons should not act proud or be ostentatious with their strength but rather walk in humility because they understand that it can be taken from them in an instant.
Eventually, it will always fade.
But while they have it, they should glory in it and use it as a tool.
Eventually, it will always fade.
But while they have it, they should glory in it and use it as a tool.
5. Warn your sons against sexual immorality.
Nothing will steal a man’s strength more than sexual immorality. It enslaves him to his own appetites and destroys his gravitas and authority.
The easiest trap to fall into today is pornography.
Nothing will steal a man’s strength more than sexual immorality. It enslaves him to his own appetites and destroys his gravitas and authority.
The easiest trap to fall into today is pornography.
It doesn’t matter how much self-control a man has in other areas of his life.
If he has no self-control in regard to sexual appetite, he is already defeated.
If he has no self-control in regard to sexual appetite, he is already defeated.
6. Train your sons in sales.
Nothing builds a backbone better than rejection after rejection when you are trying to sell something.
Nothing builds confidence more than getting up again and again to make that single sale.
Nothing builds a backbone better than rejection after rejection when you are trying to sell something.
Nothing builds confidence more than getting up again and again to make that single sale.
Your sons will always be selling something, whether they are official salespeople or not. It is a skill that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
Start small. Have them go around the neighborhood and ask to rake leaves or mow lawns.
Start small. Have them go around the neighborhood and ask to rake leaves or mow lawns.
7. Make your sons keep their promises, no matter how small.
If your sons make a promise, ensure they follow through, even when the circumstances change.
Keeping promises builds integrity, which is the state of being whole and undivided.
If your sons make a promise, ensure they follow through, even when the circumstances change.
Keeping promises builds integrity, which is the state of being whole and undivided.
The solidness provided by integrity helps make your sons whole individuals who will not crumble in the face of opposition.
Don’t let the little promises go. Have higher standards for their conduct.
Don’t let the little promises go. Have higher standards for their conduct.
8. Encourage your sons to err on the side of aggression, not passivity.
Healthy ambition requires healthy aggression. We live in a culture that thinks passive effeminacy in men is normal. As soon as a man becomes aggressive, out come the fainting couches.
Healthy ambition requires healthy aggression. We live in a culture that thinks passive effeminacy in men is normal. As soon as a man becomes aggressive, out come the fainting couches.
Young men are supposed to have zeal. They should listen to the temperance of older men, but their default orientation should be towards the aggressive pursuit of some goal.
Hold nothing back. They shouldn’t “what if” themselves to death.
Hold nothing back. They shouldn’t “what if” themselves to death.
Dangerous men do not ask permission before they take responsibility.
If his little brother is being picked on, it is perfectly appropriate for the older brother to go up and take matters into his own hands. That instinct is a good one. Do not smother it.
If his little brother is being picked on, it is perfectly appropriate for the older brother to go up and take matters into his own hands. That instinct is a good one. Do not smother it.
9. Have your sons’ backs when they break stupid rules.
You want your sons to respect authority, but they should properly orient their loyalties. They should be ungovernable by tyrants but respectful of their teachers and elders.
You want your sons to respect authority, but they should properly orient their loyalties. They should be ungovernable by tyrants but respectful of their teachers and elders.
Our bureaucratic society is full of petty tyrannies, and it has filtered down to almost every sector.
As your sons take responsibility for things, they will bump up against these rules made by women, rules meant to subjugate their masculinity and effeminize them.
As your sons take responsibility for things, they will bump up against these rules made by women, rules meant to subjugate their masculinity and effeminize them.
Say you are proud of your sons for their courage, but help them examine their motives. Walk through the scenario.
Did he maintain self-control? Was he really doing something to protect his brother, or was he taking revenge?
Overall, the attitude should be one of encouragement.
Did he maintain self-control? Was he really doing something to protect his brother, or was he taking revenge?
Overall, the attitude should be one of encouragement.
10. Tell your sons the right types of stories, over and over.
Boys learn more from role-playing than from lectures. Our morality comes from imitation. Give them heroes to imitate. As they go through life, they should see themselves as characters in a scene.
Boys learn more from role-playing than from lectures. Our morality comes from imitation. Give them heroes to imitate. As they go through life, they should see themselves as characters in a scene.
Which type of character do your sons want to be?
Fill their heads with characters like Aragorn, Sam, and Frodo. Saturate them with the Biblical heroes of faith like David, Abraham, and Moses. Watch movies that encourage the right affections and virtues.
Fill their heads with characters like Aragorn, Sam, and Frodo. Saturate them with the Biblical heroes of faith like David, Abraham, and Moses. Watch movies that encourage the right affections and virtues.
This doesn’t mean telling your sons moralistic fables.
It means well-written stories with characters that come up against impossible odds and do the right thing anyway.
Like what happens in real life.
It means well-written stories with characters that come up against impossible odds and do the right thing anyway.
Like what happens in real life.
11. Become dangerous yourself.
If you embody this masculine danger yourself, your sons are more likely to pick it up. Show them the path so they can follow.
If you embody this masculine danger yourself, your sons are more likely to pick it up. Show them the path so they can follow.
- Expand your own comfort zone
- Keep yourself sexually pure
- Take risks
- Be a man of integrity
- Work to get stronger
- Honor your own father
- Be respectful but ungovernable
-Saturate yourself in the right kinds of stories
- Keep yourself sexually pure
- Take risks
- Be a man of integrity
- Work to get stronger
- Honor your own father
- Be respectful but ungovernable
-Saturate yourself in the right kinds of stories
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