Thread by @Laurie_Garrett

Howdy, World.
Greetings from America.🇺🇸
Here's a thread on how we're doing today:
1.) In 44 dys we may shut down our govt. Or maybe not. We have no idea, actually. But please continue buying into our T-bills, debt purchases & products. We’re sure things will work out. Honest.

2.) While we’re on the topic of our budget, uh, well, good morning Kyiv. Gosh, we sure admire you guys. We’re behind you all the way. Honest. But, well, it’s possible we’ll sop sending you arms, ammo & cash soon. Or maybe not. Hang in there – we’re sure everything will work out.

3.) Hi, Jens. You ok? We know that #NATO is super-important & you’re doing such a swell job running it that we won’t let you retire. We’re worried about those Slovaks, Hungarians, Serbs & Italians, siding w/Russia, or blocking aid to Ukraine. Serious bummer. Good luck with that.

4.) Hello bankers & investors – you guys are the best. Really. We know some of you have been belly-aching about Fitch lowering the U.S. credit rating frm AAA to AA+, but as we told you in August after Fitch acted, it’s really nothing to hyperventilate about. (See Point #1 above.)

5a.) Now, we know a lot of you around the world are wondering about yesterday. OK, we admit, it’s weird. For the first time in 113 years the House of Representatives voted yes to a motion to vote to vacate the position of Speaker of the House – kind of a big deal. And then...

5b.) ...after a bunch of debate during which all the #Democrats sat silently, checking their emails & X accounts, while #Republicans yelled at each other, the House voted to oust Speaker Kevin McCarthy. And this has never happened before so, yeah, there’s some uncertainty:

5c.) Lots of meetings in hallways on Capitol Hill & in the West Wing today, scrambling to figure out what the Constitution says we’re supposed to do. While the adults in the #RepublicanParty stare hate-daggers at #MattGaetz & his 7 BFFs, nobody has any idea who can bridge...

5d.)...the divide in the Party, herd the kittens, and get a U.S. budget approved before the shut-down in 44 days. So, yeah, it looks bad. But we’re sure things will work out. Trust us.

6.) America’s financial capital, NYC has dried out in today’s 85 deg heat. Despite 2 weeks of warnings from @NWS NY’s Mayor Adams kept mum about the pending storm last week, delayed doing all that Mayor-like governing stuff. But, after all, he was busy selecting a wardrobe for...

6b.) today’s trip to Mexico, where he will tell the desperate masses, “Don’t come to New York. All full. No more room. Nope.” And surely that’s a valuable use of his time? The desperados will stay on the other side of the border, no?

7.) And it’s Day 3 of NY Attorney Gen Letitia James’ prosecution of #DonaldTrump , his family & his companies for insurance fraud. Yes, the judge already issued a long list of GUILTY summary judgements in the cases, so #Trump might have to pay a lot of money in fines & maybe...

7b.)...more money to avoid credit defaults w/the many banks he's lied to. But, as he showed yesterday w/release of that swell portrait of himself in the courtroom, seated beside Jesus, the well-bronzed candidate for POTUS in '24 takes the matters very seriously. We’re sure...

7c.)...he’ll do the right thing, appealing to his working-class & retiree base for donations – perhaps in exchange for copies of his Jesus-in-the-courtroom portrait – to raise the money to pay off his quarter-of-a-billion-$ fines. If things get really desperate we’re confident...

7d.)...he can get a few hundred thousand dollars for sale of the land around the edge of his New Jersey golf course – you know, where he buried Ivana. So, no worries. nymag.com/intelligencer/…

8.) And, we know a lot of you are upset about the weather over the last few months. Pretty hot, eh? Wild cyclones & tornadoes & stuff like that. And ice vanishing from pretty much everywhere that “usually” has lots of the white stuff locked up in glaciers & giant frozen sheets.

8b.) And a nasty #ElNino is building up right now – might break records by December. But Pres. #Biden got massive bills passed, funding the biggest infrastructure & renewable energy revolution in world history. We’re sure the #Republicans won’t sabotage it...

8c.) Biden will get reelected in 2024 & by the time he exits office in Jan 2029 at the age of 87, America will be firmly on a path to meeting its Paris Agreements on CO2 emission reductions. So, relax.

Look kindly upon us, World: America🇺🇸🗽 is a shining example of democracy, sound governance, green economics and sane public discourse.
You’re welcome,
Uncle Sam