Thread by @itsbethbooker

Something common to the female experience happened to me tonight.

You know that feeling when you can sense something sinister nearby, even though it appears to be a typical day-to-day thing? Like walking by someone heading into a store or making eye contact at a red light? 1/

I went over to my mom’s apartment this evening. Her building is a couple over from mine, and she stayed with my kids (+ fur babies.)

She got groceries for me today, and I needed to use her printer (yes, I know…I have one, and I’m out of ink.)

For that reason, I drove over. /2

I parked, and as I was walking up to her building, there were two men (probably 15-25 years older than I am) walking up to the building’s stairs at the same time I was. Then, they stopped.

Let me say, and while this doesn’t matter at all or ever, I was wearing this outfit. /3

That’s when that feeling, the one women know all too well where you feel like prey, hit me in my gut.

At a standoff, as they were ahead of me, I stopped to let them go first. Then, the older of the two stopped the other one and said, “You go first, gorgeous.”

This was not a compliment. /4

I smiled politely (without teeth) as all “good girls” do. I was alone, in the dark, in a non-public space, with no one else around physically outside.

If this were to happen in a public setting, I probably wouldn’t have had the response to make myself smaller. /5

As I walked up the stairs, I thought about how I didn’t have my usual bag with my personal alarm and occasional knife that I carry on me (she’s a modern woman, after all.)

I felt the eyes on me, peering into the back of my head and running down my body all the way to my feet. /6

Then, I could have predicted what happened next. Before I was halfway up the stairs, one of them said, “Man, I’d really love a piece of that.”

And that’s when that feeling women get went from intuition into action. I had about 10 steps to go and I needed a plan. /7

My mom’s place was right at the top of the stairs.

If they started to follow me, I would continue down the hallway and cut up the other staircase to the next floor and wait before snaking back down to my destination and locking the door.

I’d pull up 911 just in case. /8

As I picked up speed toward the end of the steps, I had my key in my hand, you know…to use as a weapon (women learn about this trick when we get the menstrual cycle talk), and I made it to the door where I quietly and quickly unlocked it and then shut the deadbolt behind me. /9

My heart was pounding, and I heard their voices in the hall, but they had no idea where I went.

It was 8 PM on a Friday in a “luxury” apartment complex.

This feeling of insecurity and apprehension shouldn’t happen in a place you call home. Or anywhere, for that matter. /10

Now, Beth, nothing happened to you, why are you making a big deal out of this?

Because I’ve been held at gunpoint in the middle of an afternoon and managed to run away, losing my purse in the process.

Because I’ve been sexually assaulted twice and told no one (at the time.) /11

Because I’ve been dropped off blocks away from my home when I got the same feeling from a skeezy ride-share driver after he pulled into a dark alley and turned off the car, leading me to tell him to start it because my friends had my location and I was going to call 911. /12

Because I’ve had so many men make me feel small and like a target in my 33 years of life on this planet, and the first thing I still thought of at that moment tonight, despite knowing better, was: But I'm wearing a sweatshirt and crocs. /13

Women aren’t too emotional.

We don’t have too many feelings.

We don’t overthink or exaggerate.

We are programmed to be hyper-sensitive and intuitive individuals in a society that makes us feel unsafe because it views us as less than.

And I’m so fucking tired of it. /end