Sure, Jamie Carragher gobs on children and smothers strippers in whipped cream.
But we all lose our heads sometimes... don't we?
From hotel room "hand shandies" to Tokyo police chases, this is a thread on the Red who lost his head...
But we all lose our heads sometimes... don't we?
From hotel room "hand shandies" to Tokyo police chases, this is a thread on the Red who lost his head...
Our story begins at Liverpool's rowdy 1998 Christmas party.
20-year-old Jamie Carragher dresses as the Hunchback of Notre Dame, smothers himself in whipped cream and "performs a sex act" on a stripper.
A horrified Michael Owen stands in the corner in "stunned silence".
20-year-old Jamie Carragher dresses as the Hunchback of Notre Dame, smothers himself in whipped cream and "performs a sex act" on a stripper.
A horrified Michael Owen stands in the corner in "stunned silence".
As the tabloids chastise him for "exploding in a sex-mad frenzy", Jamie focuses on football.
He scores 2 own goals in a 3-2 defeat to Man United, but he's heroic in Liverpool's 2005 Champions League final comeback.
Unfortunately, his new fame attracts some unwanted attention...
He scores 2 own goals in a 3-2 defeat to Man United, but he's heroic in Liverpool's 2005 Champions League final comeback.
Unfortunately, his new fame attracts some unwanted attention...
Gossip newsletter Popbitch speak to a teammate about his unsavoury pre-match habits.
His former room-mate claims: "Jamie switched on the porn channel, stripped naked, lay on his bed and got stuck into a hand shandy".
His former room-mate claims: "Jamie switched on the porn channel, stripped naked, lay on his bed and got stuck into a hand shandy".
When Peter Crouch joins Liverpool that summer, he falls in love with his hotel receptionist.
Realising Crouch's crush is Xabi Alonso's wife, Carragher stitches him up by calling Xabi over.
"Tell him, Crouchy", Jamie says.
"She's all over me," Crouch brags. "I'm in there."
Realising Crouch's crush is Xabi Alonso's wife, Carragher stitches him up by calling Xabi over.
"Tell him, Crouchy", Jamie says.
"She's all over me," Crouch brags. "I'm in there."
In December, Liverpool lose Club World Cup final in Tokyo, and the squad drown their sorrows.
But after a drunken row with a taxi driver, Jamie and Didi Hamann are chased by police through the streets of Tokyo.
Jamie escapes, but Hamann is thrown in jail for the night.
But after a drunken row with a taxi driver, Jamie and Didi Hamann are chased by police through the streets of Tokyo.
Jamie escapes, but Hamann is thrown in jail for the night.
There's more heartbreak at the 2006 World Cup when Carragher misses in the shootout against Portugal.
Fortunately, Jamie's old foes Popbitch pop up with a rumour to cheer him up.
They claim Carragher's brother hooked up with an unlikely flame in Germany... John Terry's mum.
Fortunately, Jamie's old foes Popbitch pop up with a rumour to cheer him up.
They claim Carragher's brother hooked up with an unlikely flame in Germany... John Terry's mum.
In 2013, Jamie hangs up his boots and becomes a pundit on Sky Sports, forming a popular partnership with Gary Neville.
And he's soon famous for his catchphrase: "there".
But he's about to risk everything in a moment of total madness...
And he's soon famous for his catchphrase: "there".
But he's about to risk everything in a moment of total madness...
If you're enjoying this thread, you'll love the story of Lampard and John Terry's infamous 12 hour bender.
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Scroll on for the rest of the thread...
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After Liverpool lose 2-1 to Man United, Jamie is driving home in a foul mood.
When a United fan begins taunting him through the window, he loses his mind.
He spits into the bloke's car, covering his 14-year-old daughter in gob.
Unfortunately, it's all caught on camera.
When a United fan begins taunting him through the window, he loses his mind.
He spits into the bloke's car, covering his 14-year-old daughter in gob.
Unfortunately, it's all caught on camera.
Sky suspend their pundit, and Carra is public enemy number one.
But the mood is lightened when Dean Windass blunders into the Twitter pile-on.
He writes: “If you spat at me I would pull your head of great mole rodel and I have made mestakes.”
But the mood is lightened when Dean Windass blunders into the Twitter pile-on.
He writes: “If you spat at me I would pull your head of great mole rodel and I have made mestakes.”
When Jamie returns to the TV studio, he's the one talking gibberish.
During a post-match interview, AC Milan's Rafa Leao cannot decipher his Scouse accent.
And some stars aren't as polite as Rafa...
During a post-match interview, AC Milan's Rafa Leao cannot decipher his Scouse accent.
And some stars aren't as polite as Rafa...
After a ropey game for PSG, Jamie has the gall to criticise Leo Messi on air.
The next day, Messi sends him a DM branding him a "donkey".
And Ronaldo gives him the cold shoulder, warmly greeting Jamie's colleagues before completely blanking him.
The next day, Messi sends him a DM branding him a "donkey".
And Ronaldo gives him the cold shoulder, warmly greeting Jamie's colleagues before completely blanking him.
He puts all that behind him when he joins the army of Scousers who descend on Glastonbury.
But after getting so smashed he can "barely stand" he's filmed getting an earful from his livid wife, Nicola.
As he's helped by a steward, she tells Jamie to "fuck off".
But after getting so smashed he can "barely stand" he's filmed getting an earful from his livid wife, Nicola.
As he's helped by a steward, she tells Jamie to "fuck off".
We can't promise hotel room hand shandies, but you'll love the story of Lampard and John Terry's infamous 12 hour bender.
From puking in pubs to flashing tourists, get it instantly when you subscribe to our free weekly email.
Join 100k subs...
upshot.email/newsletter/lam…
From puking in pubs to flashing tourists, get it instantly when you subscribe to our free weekly email.
Join 100k subs...
upshot.email/newsletter/lam…
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